overthinking please help

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1

I keep overthinking and im not sure how to stop it. This can lead to simple things like just making sure i have everything before i go or making simple decisions. Recently a guy has been trying to talk to my girlfriend and even despite knowing that she is dating me he still tries to talk with her continuously. Although i know people often say that i should just let it be and not be worried because if my girlfriend truly loved me then nothing would happen but i cant help but have the fear that i would lose her. With my anxious attachment, although she reassures me, when i see their text messages i feel that she is too friendly and this often makes me feel overwhelmed and ultimately makes me anxious and fear losing her

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Hi @user1322, just like you, I myself am the biggest over-thinker myself and I tend to think of the worst case scenario that can happen. Overthinking is something many people struggle with, especially when it comes to relationships and situations that feel uncertain or out of control, so you are not alone AT ALL!! It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling anxious about someone else trying to talk to your girlfriend, especially given your anxious attachment style. If I were you, I would also be concerned if an opposite gender was trying really hard to talk to my partner. Maybe you can try communicating to your partner that you feel uncomfortable with the way she texts other people and see if she is able to accommodate to your needs. Ultimately, 99% of the time, there will be no good that comes out of overthinking other than having increased stress and anxiety. I hope that moving forward, you will be able to let go of unnecessary worries and live in the moment.

3

Hi user1322

Thank you for sharing your experiences, feelings and struggles with much courage and openness. Your concerns are fully valid and 100% understandable.

May I share with you that overthinking is a daily common cognitive or thinking distortion among many of us, especially when we are faced with life stressors? Many of us recognise this tendency and have overcome it so please do not be too disheartened. :heart:
I encourage you to consider these approaches as you journey to reduce overthinking:

  1. Mindfulness: Practice being present in the moment, focusing on your breath, and letting go of worries about the past or future.

  2. Self-reflection: Identify triggers and patterns of overthinking, and challenge negative thoughts. Not all thoughts are true, so challenging them is a good way to check for accuracy.

  3. Communication: Openly discuss your concerns with your girlfriend, and work together to establish boundaries and reassurance. Let her know how it is affecting you so that both of you can have a honest conversation.

  4. Trust-building: Focus on nurturing your relationship, fostering trust, and developing emotional security. Strengthen your relationship with your girlfriend through mutual respect and openness. Speak calmly and use I statements instead of inadvertently using blame language or accusatory tones.Clear any misunderstandings in the bud.

  5. Anxious attachment support: Consider couples therapy or individual counselling to address attachment issues.

Remember, overcoming overthinking and anxious attachment takes time, patience, and effort. Be gentle with yourself, and prioritise open communication with your girlfriend. Relationships need constant tender loving care, plenty of give and take and honesty to thrive.:heart: