A few years back, I’ve broke up with my ex-girlfriend, back then, she was the kind to make me feel seen by making me feel special and even to the point of making me feel emotionally drained because I feel like I can’t provide for her.
Recently, I’ve fallen in love with a old friend of mine of 6 years, only dated recently, I’m scared that my stresses of Overthinking, constant Anxiety that I’ll be alone and Fears of being left will affect us, even now I feel scared even after talking with her about it, I’m not sure what to do and I feel so lost. It’s like I’m dependent on her entirely and I’ve also learnt to accept myself more, but recently this has made me hate myself for that. I don’t know how to help myself be less attached to her considering I think I have attachment and abandonment issues, I don’t want her to know and I also don’t want to go for therapy considering how expensive it is… I need an opinion on what I can or should do considering I really think she is the one, and I want to be the right one for her and also to myself.
Maybe it is me overthinking while everything is clearly okay, but sometimes even when she doesn’t reply to me, I think she feels I’m annoying or she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore or she hates me. I’ve spoken to her about this, but I really don’t know what to do…
Thank you for sharing your concerns and feelings. I think it is good that you’re acknowledging your attachment and abandonment issues, as well as your anxiety and overthinking patterns. Recognising these patterns is the first step towards making positive changes.
Steps to Address Your Concerns
Self-reflection and journaling: Continue to reflect on your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. Writing down your experiences and emotions can help you identify patterns and triggers.
Open communication: You’ve already talked to your partner about your feelings, which is excellent. Continue to communicate openly and honestly with her, but also be mindful of not overwhelming her with your anxieties.
Build self-awareness and self-acceptance: Practice self-compassion and acknowledge that your feelings and thoughts are valid. Remind yourself that it’s okay to have anxieties and that you’re working to address them.
Develop emotional regulation skills: Learn techniques to manage your anxiety and emotions, such as deep breathing, meditation, or physical exercise.
Focus on building a healthy relationship: Instead of relying solely on your partner for emotional validation, work on building a balanced and healthy relationship. Engage in activities together, maintain individual interests, and prioritise communication.
Addressing Attachment and Abandonment Issues
Understand that attachment issues are common: Many people experience attachment issues, and it’s not a reflection of your worth or your partner’s love for you.
Learn to recognise and challenge negative thought patterns: When you notice yourself thinking “She doesn’t want to talk to me” or “She hates me,” challenge those thoughts by reframing them in a more realistic and positive light.
Develop a growth mindset: View your relationship as an opportunity for growth, learning, and self-improvement.
Overcoming attachment and abandonment issues takes time, patience, and effort. Be gentle with yourself, and don’t hesitate to reach out for support when you need it.
Thank you so much for your kind words, it means alot to me, she has an AnxiousA Attachment style so I really needed to hear this. Thank you for the help!
