Hi I’ve been married for 16yrs and blessed with beautiful children age 15, 13 & 8.
My husband is a great individual who appreciates family time and bond with the children.
We went through ups and downs together building our home and family.
I have huge problem! Since the start of the relationship my issue would be either his parents or his impulsiveness temper.
Weighting his strength n weaknesses, he scored more on the strength and fall only about his anger management for weakness.
Each time when he is mad/upset, he will shout at me or kids even in public and using cursing words or vulgarities.
This had always been the reason for me to leave this marriage since before…
I have always calmed down and believe he will change… But slowly things building up and my tolerance for this temper is no longer valid.
I got upset even with little tiny things.
Eg: his mom had leg cramp in the car, he got anxious and he started shouting at me to lift her leg helping her to ease the pain. With him shouting at me furiously, his both parents just looked at me and said nothing. This wasn’t the only occasion where he had shouted at me.
I realised RED FLAG! even his parents not able to protect me!
I have been holding on and accepting it as a norm thing but lately I felt that it’s too much and I felt pain in my chest each time he shouted at me😞
Hi @SunflowerDD
Thank you for sharing with us how you feel, it takes so much courage to be real here on this platform and I commend you for your authenticity. I’m truly sorry to hear that you’re going through such an emotionally painful situation - it does takes a lot of strength and courage to open up about these feelings of sadness, and these unbearable experiences. I can see clearly that you deeply care about your family and have tried to make the best of your marriage for many years. It’s also clear that the anger and shouting from your husband has been a recurring issue, and it’s causing you emotional pain.
I empathise with you; I can completely understand that you’ve reached a point where you’re no longer able to tolerate the constant outbursts of anger from your husband. I want to assure you that your well-being and emotional health matters, and it’s important to prioritize your own feelings and safety.
I’d like to encourage you - that you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel respected, valued, and safe. If your husband’s anger and verbal abuse are causing you distress and impacting your emotional and physical health, it may be time to consider seeking help, whether through couples counseling or individual therapy. I think it is important to address this issue and explore whether change is possible.
If you’re not sure where to begin seeking help from, you can try one of these online counselling options which may be less intimidating for you for a start:
Limitless : Talk To Someone - Limitless
CPH chat : https://www.cphonlinecounselling.sg/hc/en-us
IMH CHAT : Home - CHAT
ec2.sg : https://fycs.org/ec2-sg
The mental health professionals will be able to guide you through your situation and offer you some direction, and also support you throughout your journey.
There are also options for marital counselling (some of them are free of charge) which may be helpful for you both to work out the communication and emotional regulation issues. Do read this link for more information: Where Can I Attend Marital Counselling? | Family Assist
Last but not least, please remember that you have the strength to make choices that are best for you and your children. If you ever feel that your safety is at risk, don’t hesitate to reach out to local support services or a therapist who can guide you through this difficult time.
Please continue to keep us updated on how you’re coping and let us know what else we can do to support you here. Take care and hear from you soon.
Hi @cottonsoul ,
You wouldn’t know how much it meant to me reading your reply.
I appreciate your kind words which I felt so much relieved knowing someone finally do understand what I am actually going through.
My children keeps me going and they too have been keeping me to hold on and believe that all will be well…
I will approach help link sent by you.
Wishing you the best and God Bless🙏
Does your husband realize that he has anger management issues, @SunflowerDD? If he does, maybe can nudge him to seek professional help too.
16 years is a long time to be together with someone. I’m hope y’all can get through this together. 
Hi @Jaws ,
Am sure he knows… because he always said if once said or twice can’t listen means am just asking to be shouted at be it anywhere. He also said better to be shouted at or throw vulgarities at rather than got smacked on my face😣
He also said if he shouted or screamed just keep quiet because when he calms down he won’t think about it anymore. If I reacts that’s where he got more frustrated and furious😞
I see, has he considered seeking help for this anger management issue? We all experience stuff and have different reactions to things but if what he’s doing is affecting his family members then maybe he’ll need to fix it.