So I’ve talked about my family issues btwn my parents and my brother on here before. It’s now been awhile and things have progressed quite abit.
TLDR, my brother fell out w my parents & both parties are not interested in patching up at all. My parents are deeply hurt by my brother’s actions and rightly so. I do understand from both party’s point of view, so i believe that I should be there for both parties in times of happiness, sorrow & more.
A few months ago, I attended my brother’s wedding with his now wife (whom my parents hate & she’s the root cause of the problem) without my parents knowing. I pleaded with my brother to tell them about it but he refused. I went and attended the wedding but not because I agree with who he’s marrying (I do think she’s not that great seeing how she treated my parents & inevitably caused all these issues), but rather bc he is my brother and I feel like it would be nice if he had family present. I went bc I want him to know that he still has me if all else fails.
Fast forward to present, I recently let slip that my brother is married & my mum went into a frenzy. She started to scream/cry/breakdown saying that i lied to her all this time, and i betrayed her bc I went to the wedding to support my brother while he has abandoned the family. Why did I take his side and said that this meant I agree with him and encourage him to abandon the family. I tried to explain to her my point of view but she is so choked up in grief of him abandoning the family that she cannot see reason. I was telling her that at my own wedding, I wish for both my parents and brother to be present at the wedding, they would sit at separate tables and would not even have to interact at all. However she screamed and told me to choose. Her or my brother. If he’s there, she will not be attending. An ultimatum that I would have to decide, and if i did invite my brother, it would mean that I chose him and ultimately abandoned her and the family.
I was wishful thinking that for such a happy occasion, maybe she could see past it & just co exist in the same space and time as my brother. I was not expecting such a huge reaction, much less an ultimatum.
I have always known that my parents have resorted to emotional manipulation to get results they desire in such a situation as I have experienced it multiple times growing up. Whenever I would come home late from being out with friends she would scream and cry and say that I treat the house as a hotel, and that family meant nothing to me. I’ve long grown to just accept that this is how things were.
But I wouldn’t have imagined her to give me such an ultimatum…I asked her again, would she really miss her daughters wedding bc my brother is there? and she said yes, choose him or me. This kind of puts me in a corner right like how could I not have my own mother at my wedding? but also how could I not have my brother there? I do want him there despite everything that he has done but it seems like there’s only one option I can go for.
Sighs. Why did it have to end up like this?