My dad went overseas to start a business which he did but he cheated on my mom with another woman overseas. My mom found out and is mad obviously but I don’t know what to do. My dad is a loving and caring father but not the best husband. I blame the people he hung out with because they were the ones who brought him to clubs overseas and they also cheated on their wifes. I’ve told him not to be their friend but he said they have money and we don’t so he wanted to befriend them so that if anything happens he can rely on them. I just don’t know what to do. My mom wants me to stay with her and my dad wants me to stay with him but I don’t even want them to get divorced. What should I do? Please help
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Hi @user8007,
What you’re carrying right now is so heavy—the betrayal, the confusion, the fear of losing the family you love. My heart aches for you, because no one should have to navigate this kind of pain, especially when it involves two people you care deeply about. It’s okay to feel lost, angry, or even torn between your love for your dad as a father and your hurt over his choices as a husband. These feelings can coexist, and they don’t make you disloyal; they just mean you’re human.
It makes sense that you’re blaming his friends—it’s natural to want to protect someone you love by pointing to outside influences. But I also hear how powerless you feel, knowing your dad made this choice despite your warnings. That powerlessness is its own kind of grief. And now, being asked to “pick sides” adds another layer of heartbreak. You shouldn’t have to be the bridge, the mediator, or the glue holding things together. Your role here is not to fix this—it’s to survive it, and to protect your own heart while this storm rages around you.
if you are ready, you may wish to explore if any of the following works for you :
- You’re allowed to say, “I can’t fix this.” Their marriage is their responsibility, not yours. It’s okay to tell both parents, gently, that you love them but need space from the pressure to choose.
- Your loyalty can stay with you first. It’s not selfish to prioritize your emotional well-being. That might mean stepping back from conversations about the affair, or asking to talk about something else when things feel too raw.
- It’s okay to grieve the family you thought you had. Even if they don’t divorce, things have changed. Let yourself feel that loss—anger, sadness, numbness—without judgment.
- Consider leaning on someone outside this situation. A trusted friend, a counselor, or even a journal can hold the weight of emotions that feel too big to carry alone.
This isn’t fair, and I’m so sorry you’re in this position. You don’t have to have all the answers right now. Just breathe. Just be. However this unfolds, your capacity to love both parents—even amid disappointment—is a testament to the goodness in you. That goodness matters, and it’s yours to protect. You’re not alone. 
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Hi @user8007, what you’re going through right now is an incredibly tough situation for anyone to be in. My heart goes out to you 
. The anxiety and immense pressure that is being put on you to make a decision can be daunting to take on, and I praise you for seeking support on this platform. Like @FuYuan_Affections has mentioned, your parents’ relationship is not yours to try to mend and should not be a huge burden to you. From what I have heard, parents can still choose to maintain shared custody during a divorce. If you feel that you are unable to choose, I urge you to speak to both of them to hopefully arrive at a consensus that allows you to spend time with both of them equally. For further support, you may want to consider reaching out to other family members or a school counsellor to discuss this with. I admire your strength and courage greatly and I know that you will be able to make a decision that feels right to you. Stay strong 
.
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Hi @user8007 ,
I am sorry to hear about your situation, and i would like to affirm you for being brave and remaining strong.
I would like to emphasise that you are not a problem nor have you contributed to your parents’ divorce. It is a complex matter with many different factors, but you are not one of them.
About what to do now, perhaps you can consider which environment you would be happier in, or you can thrive better in. Life will bring challenges ahead as they always do for all of us. The important thing is remainign strong, and i think it would help if you choose the environment where you would be happier in.
Please remain strong and find joy in life. Immerse yourself in what makes you happy and what can bring value into your life. You got this!
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I had pretty much the same experience. My parents divorced when I was 3 (in hindsight, I was lucky to not have to deal with having to choose).
Are you the only child? If you have siblings, maybe it’s good to see what they think. If you’re the only child, then you’d have to make a choice at some point.
Here are some questions to consider:
- Is your dad going to marry the other woman? Do you think you’ll be able to accept her as your step-mum?
- Is your dad going to stay overseas with the other woman? Do you think you’d want to go overseas or stay here?
- Is your mum financially independent? If she is not, will you be able to temporarily accept a more frugal lifestyle?
Hey @user8007 ,
I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through right now. Being caught in between your parents must have felt very challenging, and I want to tell you that it takes immense strength to reach out, and you’re very brave.
What you’re going through must have felt very confusing and challenging for you, and it’s understandable to feel this way. From what you’ve written, I can tell that you care about both your parents. A suggestion may be to talk with them and reach a consensus of how to spent time with both of them. I think it’s important to let them know what you feel. At the same time, it is okay to know that you’re not responsible for what has happened, and it’s also not your responsibility to fix it. At the same time, it is okay to priortise yourself and your feelings too! If needed, take some time to yourself and treat yourself kindly. Lean on you friends, other family members or even a professional for support during this difficult period.
Hang in there!! 
Know that you’re not alone in this, and everyone here is with you
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