I’m not sure if I can go to the doctor since my mum is kind of ignoring me on that topic, all I could do was pray for a speedy recovery, which I currently, am not. (Sick since 11 of May)
Here’s the link to access: Long vent about what happened in school (Under Ask a therapist → Is this normal?)
Due to this person and maybe my coping mechanism, I feel like this competition (Which is NUS geography challenge) is the reason why I had to go through the brunt of this guy, I know it’s not his fault and he probably does not know what he is doing, even, but I feel resentful towards the certificate (It’s participation) now. I do not want to get the certificate from the teacher in front of the entire school. I dislike it to the extent that I want to toss it at home or maybe tear it apart in front of the crowd. Since I had intense feelings towards the certificate hence I intend to come late to the point that the ceremony is over and face detention. Sure, I don’t have a history of coming late to school, much less 10 minutes late, but I have no choice. Before I came to this thought, I have wrote in my WA2 Geography paper that due to certain school events, I would want to get the certificate either after school or privately in class. However, she was more pressed on me writing things like eulogy and your maker, she brushed off the topic and said it wasn’t the point… Last Friday, she said that the certificates have arrived in school and she would try to arrange a prize presentation where we would go in front of the parade square to collect our certificates. It really SEEMS that she has forgotten about my concerns of getting the certificate! “Are you telling me I wrote a whole paragraph of my worries for nothing" was something I wanted to scream so badly. Looks like we cannot come to an agreement on this… I’ll teach her what I mean when I truly have resentment towards the certificate. I’m probably not going to regret doing that, even though I’m aware that I may have to pluck out weeds in the afternoon when it’s hot (Coupled with late dismissal from O-level coaching), the possibility of being marked as late (Looking very likely it will happen if I have detention), and getting questioned why I’m late, for obvious reasons.(Honestly, it’s kind of impulsive but this is probably the only way I can run away from this seemingly insurmountable situation.)
Definitely will log this in my online diary, just to remember what I did to try running from the certificate. Here’s my contingency plans, or should I just say plans, since that day will inevitably come… I consider checking the parade square for the table and run out of school, which would be an absurd idea. I have checked the front gate, and there’s a closed circuit television camera there, as well as student prefects waiting at the front to patrol, and security guards (Or what most people call it, the traffic officers working for our school). I would definitely get caught in some way or another and risk suspension.
Another plan (Which has been brought up) was for me to report late (But not overly late) and check for the table in the parade square. If there’s a table, I will go to the toilets and get into hiding in the cubicles until it seems that the certificates have been fully given out, and if there’s none, I will run quickly to my class standee and report, which was what I done today.
I feel so awkward to come to my class standee during reading period and getting stares from people, but when one is desperate, I guess they resort to drastic measures too. (Me hoping there is no prize presentation tomorrow. If there is none, then it is on Friday for sure. If there’s no ceremony for this week, then I’ll regret overthinking about this)