Confused about life

Kept having mental breakdown in public place and working place which I try my best to control myself which sometimes I able to control my tears but sometimes can’t. Wonder m I mentally ill like depression , bipolar or was just having mood swings during my day I can’t overcome figure out what I want in life

Feel like ending my life soon or later but didn’t as there someone who I told him I will be there for him no matter what happens in life

Since young I think I m a jinx to people around me till now still think like this wonder if I didn’t exist everyone life get much better than having me in their life I didn’t help them much with it bring bad luck to them instead of happiness and better bright future

Feeling so useless whenever I didn’t stable my career or being able to help people around me

Hi @Hersha1414

Thank you for being so courageous in sharing such intense feelings with us here on this platform. I am glad that you are reaching out and I really hope we can be of support to you.

Firstly, I am sorry you are feeling this way and having the mental breakdowns which you do not seem to have control of. I wonder how long have you been feeling this way and how have you been coping so far.

It sounds like you are viewing yourself rather negatively and I am not sure what caused you to feel this way about yourself. You sound like a nice person who is always trying to help people and bring them happiness. I am sure people around you are grateful to have you in their life, they might not say it but they are around you for a reason. You may have many strengths that you are not aware of as you don’t affirm yourself enough. I hope you can take some time to think about your strengths and achievements so far, to encourage yourself.

Also, it sounds concerning that you are having thoughts to end your life. It sounds like life have been difficult and tiring for you. And I want to commend you for surviving so far even though it is tough! As you talk about living for someone, I wonder if that person can be a safe person for you to share your struggles with. If he can trust and appreciate that you will always be there for him, perhaps he would want to be of similar support to you.

If you find it challenging to talk to your family or others directly or if you need additional support, you may also consider reaching out to a mental health professional like a counsellor or online platforms. They can provide a safe space for you to explore healthy ways to work around your emotions.

Here are some platforms you can consider:

  1. SOS – 1767 the hotline for SOS is toll-free and you may choose to remain anonymous.
    You will be speaking to volunteers who are trained to provide emotional support and a listening ear or receive some resources for professional support. You may also consider reaching out to SOS via their CareText function using WhatsApp (9151 1767).
  2. Limitless - Talk To Someone - Limitless
  3. IMH CHAT - Home - CHAT
  4. Singapore Association for Mental Health (SAMH) - 1800-283 7019

Do know that it takes a lot of courage and resilience to survive through the challenges and even maintaining a job. Please don’t deny yourself of these achievements, and affirm yourself more. Here are some suggestions for you to consider when you are feeling sad and discouraged:

  1. Self-care. It can be eating and sleeping well. Having a balanced diet and being well-rested contributes to regulating mood and improving cognitive function. Take some time to engage in activities you enjoy or find ways to be good to yourself because you deserve to be treated well.
  2. Positive self-talk: It is important how you speak to yourself. Focus more on your strengths and give affirmations to yourself. You are strong and you have survived through many obstacles in your life. Be kind to yourself as you process your feelings.
  3. Deep breathing exercises – Find a comfortable space and position yourself comfortably. Take a deep breath in while counting to 5 and breathe out counting to 5 as well. While you are breathing out, imagine that the air leaves with your stress and tension. Stay focused on your breathing and cast aside other thoughts. Repeat until you feel better.
  4. Grounding exercises – A five-step exercise (5-4-3-2-1) can help to ground you in the present when you are feeling anxious.
    You would need to engage your 5 senses (like 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can smell, 2 things you can hear, 1 thing you can taste).

I hope you find this helpful. Remember you are not alone in this journey and I hope you get to receive the support you need. You’ve come a long way and we are here to support you. Take care!

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