i have been feeling that i am becoming less capable of managing my stresses and my mental health is spiralling but i am also not sure if i deserve to seek help. a part of me thinks that it’s something everyone will go through at some point in their life and i am no special.
a huge part of my stress comes from academics. due to this stress that feels never-ending yet keeps piling, it has made me feel incompetent and horrible about myself. it also doesn’t help that i am unable to properly express my feelings. over the years i have conditioned myself to not express any feelings, and now i think i am just numb. Many times i was hoping i could cry & feel better after however i just can’t - no matter how badly i want to. when i can’t express myself somehow i start feeling it in my body like chest tightness and i get so frustrated because it’s trapped in my body. to make it worse, recently i am starting to experience episodes where i would suddenly become breathless along with some worry that i just cannot seem to figure out what is it.
I also hate night time now, because its always at night that i suffer most with my thoughts. on some days i do feel that i am better off dead. i am introverted and get very anxious, so while i have few friends i also stopped socialising. i really don’t know what to do, i feel like giving up yet at the same time i do not have the courage to.