Everyone hates me

Hangouts Rants
1

I can feel myself slipping to a very scary state of my life again, and this new low happened to me 4 years ago and I think it’s happening again.

I feel low in energy and I don’t want to do anything. I feel lonely chronically and I am full of self-loathing. But this time, I’m really trying to dig myself out of this hole. It really doesn’t get easier despite knowing how it felt like. Am I back to step one again?

I can’t stop crying even though there’s nothing to cry about. I can’t stop sleeping so much. There’s nothing wrong, but so many things wrong at once.

One of the main things that is wrong with me is that I have an intense belief that everyone hates me. I genuinely believe it though rationally, I know that my friends appreciate me and like me. But I keep feeling like they might disappear, or that we will stop being friends (I come from a history of bullying and abusive friendships), and I wish they would initiate more. I feel like I’m always the one left wanting more in the friendship. I feel terrible because I’m always the first to message somebody, first to ask to hang out and first to initiate anything in general. I’m tired of making the effort. I’m tired of feeling so much self loathing and feelings that it makes it hard to live. It makes it so difficult to move around. I can feel myself sinking into the past.

I don’t know how to ask my friends to initiate more. They have always been more on the low maintenance side, but I think I tend to need people to initiate first more so I feel needed in the friendship. I wish I didn’t feel like everyone hates me all the time. It’s so tiring.

2

Hi I’m js a random guy but iw to tell u ure not back to step one. I can’t realy tell you how I got out of the horrible first three months of this year but it do get better. Ik that feeling of everything going wrong hurts alot and really makes us feel super helpless. But each day I wake up, I feel some hope even if it was like a drop. Idw to seem super imposing but I tried to do five minutes of something that isn’t sleeping, lying down and facing the ceiling or whatever. Like walking around or reading.

I understand it is super tiring when you alw have to reach out to others first. don’t be too harsh on yourself for reaching out. At least you’re trying and that’s okay. people don’t reciprocate sometimes and that’s ok. I js live w it and be okay being alone. if you’re okay with it, find a friend you can confide in. mine were super understanding and really changed how I viewed my friends. I am like a super introvert during those times and I couldn’t even bring myself to tell them because I was so down I couldn’t even continue a conversation beyond small talk. itll help even if just a little to know that even if I think everyone thinks I’m a burden, there’s still hope. and I think that’s what matters even if it’s small it’s a start.