i feel that peers around the same age as me have been getting their lives together – some are getting married, starting their own businesses, or even having children. these are some things i cannot imagine myself going through at 21. i am still struggling to learn about the different financial terms or even manage my own finances. i also struggle with certain life skills like travelling overseas with a legal guardian around. makes me feel quite incompetent as a new adult.
Hi @claire_123,
It makes sense that you’re feeling overwhelmed and even a bit disoriented when you see peers seemingly racing ahead into major life milestones. At 21, the pressure to “have it all figured out” can feel suffocating - especially when others are getting married, launching businesses, or navigating parenthood. But those paths aren’t universal benchmarks of success or maturity. Everyone’s journey unfolds differently, shaped by circumstances, values, and timing. Just because your path looks different does not mean it’s any less valid or meaningful. Feeling behind does not mean you ARE behind. It often just means you’re in a different season, one that’s still unfolding.
Struggling with financial planning or life skills like independent travel doesn’t make you incompetent - it makes you human. These life skills aren’t innate. They’re learned, often through trial, error, and support. It’s okay to not have it all figured out just yet.
The fact that you’re aware of these gaps and willing to name them shows a level of self-awareness and courage that many people never reach. Growth isn’t linear, and making comparisons to others can distort reality and erode your self-worth.
Hence, whenever you catch yourself slipping into the trap of comparison, it might help to gently redirect your focus toward acts of self-compassion. That could mean carving out quiet time just for yourself, journaling your thoughts to make sense of the noise, or immersing in hobbies that bring you joy and remind you of your unique strengths. I see a lot of courage in the way you persevere, even when it’s hard. Keep honouring your journey. You’ve got this! 
Best regards,
Han_Solo_2000
Befriender | let’s talk by mindline
Hey @claire_123. I hear you. I hear how stressful it can feel seeing people your age hitting big milestones while you’re still figuring things out and it’s completely normal to feel that pressure. But honestly, being “behind” is mostly a feeling, not a fact, and no one has it perfectly together. Some are just good at showing the highlights. Life doesn’t have a universal timeline, even though it sometimes feels like it does.
At 21, even figuring out money, travel, or simple adulting is a big deal. I used to beat myself up over “not being ready” for things, but then I noticed that each small skill I practiced was progress. It doesn’t look glamorous, but it adds up.
It might help to reframe it: instead of seeing yourself as behind, maybe see yourself as exploring at your own pace. The skills and experiences you’re building now are yours, and they’ll carry you forward in ways no comparison can. Taking time to understand yourself and your capabilities now can set you up for way more confidence and growth later.
I’m rooting for you. You’ve got the curiosity, courage, and self-awareness to grow into exactly the adult you want to be. You’re doing better than you think! 
Hi @claire_123, It is completely okay to feel this way, especially when you are surrounded by peers who seem to be moving quickly in life. Everyone has their own pace, and just because others are getting married, starting businesses, or having children does not mean you are falling behind. At 21, you are still at the beginning of figuring things out, and learning about finances or life skills like travelling independently takes time and practice. Feeling uncertain now does not make you incompetent, it simply means you are still growing. Be gentle with yourself, you are building your foundation, and that is just as important as any milestone.
Hey @claire_123 I can sense you’re feeling like you’re not good enough. Looking around at others who are achieving certain milestones in their lives inevitably leads us to wonder whether we are doing things right ourselves.
Actually, the milestones of others you’re seeing are likely cherry-picked moments from their lives. No matter how glamorous and wonderful someone’s life may seem, they will definitely be facing some underlying obstacles, hidden from sight. Those that are getting married may be having financial difficulties purchasing a house, or those starting a business may be undergoing much stress having to tend to their business. It’s easy to succumb to having an overly rosy perception of others’ lives, and that can end up hurting yourself.
Everyone’s life journey is unique. Some may prioritise their career, some their family, some their freedoms, some their community. There’s no deadline to meet in life; as long as you’re breathing, you can pursue anything you want.
So take things slow and easy. If things get too hard to handle, take a breather and reset before continuing; it’s okay to take a longer time, you’ll need it. But if you find something your heart beats for strongly, then go for it with all your might. Your journey is incomparable to others, so pave it the way you want it to. 