goodness i write too much on here, but atp its a safe space <3
anyways, this all comes from seeing my friends getting into relationships, getting jobs, things i would consider a big aspect of becoming an adult (even though i’m literally an adult too T-T). but when i think about it a little more, it just makes me feel like i’m stuck in one place. i don’t feel myself growing with them, and i feel stagnant in terms of progress in life.
i’m still single when most of my friends are in relationships, most of my friends have graduated while i’m still in polytechnic, and it just makes me feel like i’m not really making much progress in my life? i’m not sure if it makes sense. i just feel mentally stuck at 16 years old when i’m literally 21, and while everyone else seems to mature, i feel very, very stuck.
i hope this made sense, because in my head it sort of did, but i absolutely have no idea how to express it in writing. thanks for reading
Hey @saranghaeonlyyou. Thank you for being so open, and honestly, what you said makes a lot of sense. Sometimes our minds feel like they’ve paused, even when time keeps moving. And that contrast between where we are and where we feel we “should” be can feel so loud.
What you’re feeling doesn’t make you any less adult or capable, it makes you human. We all move through life at different speeds, and the idea that everyone needs to hit milestones at the same time is unrealistic. Being on a different timeline doesn’t mean you’re behind. It just means your path is unfolding differently. It’s still valid. It’s still meaningful.
Honestly, just the fact that you’re reflecting so deeply? That is growth. Maturity isn’t always about jobs or relationships. Sometimes, it’s about learning about yourself, sitting with your feelings, choosing to care enough to ask hard questions. Sometimes we forget that internal growth isn’t measured in degrees or milestones, but in courage. And it takes a lot of courage to reflect like this.
I wonder, if you could name just one small win recently, what might it be?
hey there, thank you for sharing :”) don’t worry, it makes perfect sense! the feeling of being stuck at certain stage of life, especially when it seem like everyone is moving on, is something so real and i feel you…
those things you mentioned (jobs and relationships), are all very visible milestones that people associate with adulthood — and that’s completely valid! but i just want to encourage you that growth doesn’t only look like that! it can be internal and quiet too, like becoming more self-aware, learning to care for yourself or processing things more thoughtfully than how you would have done so in the past!
lwhen i look back at how i handled something at 16 vs how i would handle it now, i see that shift — and that’s growth too!! even if it doesn’t feel obvious now, it’s happening/will happen! and you’re doing okay
I can understand it feels very overwhelming to have the people around you seem like they’re achieving life milestones; naturally, we will compare and wonder whether we are on par with them, or falling behind.
I empathise with the feeling of being stuck in life, despite you very much wanting to chase after self-improvement and progress. These feelings are normal, and it’s okay to experience them. You’re not stuck or falling behind, you’re just taking the necessary time to ponder and reflect on what you want.
Everyone has their own life journey to take. Some have it chartered out early, working hard towards their aspirations since young; some may be more keen to explore what’s out there, and waiting to find their own treasure that they know exists but can’t put a name to it; some embrace the unknown, believing that life will take them wherever they are meant to be. There is neither a right nor wrong way to approach life; life is at the discretion of its author — that is, you, and only you.
So while looking at the people around you achieve the things they’ve set their hearts out to achieve, ask yourself: What do I want? What makes my heart beat faster, or make my eyes glow brighter?
If you have something by in mind, that’s great; and if you don’t have something specific yet, that’s okay too! The world is your oyster — take your time to find out the many things out there, and discover more about your passions and wants. Life is not a race, but a journey. It’s okay to take a breather and rest up well before you’re ready to chase after a new goal. Don’t beat yourself up over not doing the things that your friends are doing — you’re doing great and I have faith that you’ll continue doing great too!
hey, thank you for sharing this. honestly, it makes more sense than you might think. and you’re not alone in feeling this way.
feeling like you’re stuck while others are moving forward can be such a quiet kind of pain. seeing friends enter relationships, graduate, land jobs—it can stir up this deep sense of “am i being left behind?” even though part of you knows life isn’t a race, it still hurts.
that line about feeling mentally 16 even though you’re 21—that really stayed with me. sometimes, emotional growth doesn’t follow a straight line. you might feel like everyone else is speeding ahead, but that doesn’t mean you’re not growing too. it just might be happening in a quieter, slower way.
you’re already doing something really powerful—reflecting on your feelings and putting them into words. that takes courage. and maybe this is part of your growth—learning to understand yourself more deeply, even when the outside world feels out of sync.
it’s okay to take longer. it’s okay to move at your own pace. maybe your version of adulthood won’t look like everyone else’s—but that doesn’t make it any less valid.
you’re not stuck. you’re becoming—just in your own time, and that’s more than enough.
sending you a gentle reminder: you’re doing better than you think. this space is here for you whenever you need it
Thank you so much for sharing this. Feeling stuck or like you’re not where you “should” be in life is incredibly tough — especially when it seems like your friends are moving ahead with jobs or relationships, and you’re not. That comparison can feel really isolating.
But what you’re feeling doesn’t mean you’re not growing or that you’re behind. In fact, just being able to reflect on where you are and how you feel is a sign of self-awareness and maturity — which are very adult qualities. Everyone’s path unfolds differently, and while it may not feel like it right now, your journey matters just as much as anyone else’s.
There is no one right way to live life. There’s no universal checklist you need to tick off. The great thing is, you get to shape what matters — to define your own dreams, goals, and vision for your life.
It’s so common to look around and feel like we’re lagging behind, especially when it comes to things like careers or relationships. But no one talks enough about how non-linear life actually is. People might seem like they have it all together, but we all have our moments of doubt and uncertainty — even the people we think are “ahead.”
You’re definitely not alone, and from the responses here, it’s clear that others relate to what you’re going through.
I wonder, if a close friend came to you saying they felt stuck in life, how would you respond? What kind of kindness or reassurance would you offer them? Maybe try offering a little of that same compassion to yourself — you really do deserve it.
hello, thank you for sharing, and it is great to see that you can find a warm community here adulthood looks a little different for everyone, and it can also look like small wins, such as pracitisng more mindfulness and reflecting. rooting for you op!
adulthood looks a little different for everyone, and it can also look like small wins, such as pracitisng more mindfulness and reflecting. 
rooting for you op!