Just wanted to hear some thoughts, feelings, opinions and even advice on this cause I’m not sure if anyone feels this way/ experienced this but I’ve a fear of FULLY getting better because then I won’t need to seek help anymore (from my therapist) and to me, that’s a huge lost (lost of relationship and support). I know I can’t rely on my therapist / keep the relationship going forever but it’s something that I’ve a hard time to cope/ deal with and somehow it affects/ hinders my recovery because if there’s something “wrong” with me, there’s something to work on and I can continue to keep the relationship with my therapist.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, it takes a lot of courage to be so vulnerable and open on this platform so I commend you for that. I appreciate you sharing this complex and understandable concern about your therapeutic journey. It is actually very common to feel attached to the support and relationship with your therapist. Let’s explore this further.
Firstly, can you tell me more about the reasons you value the relationship with your therapist so much? What aspects of the relationship are particularly meaningful to you?
Secondly, it’s important to consider the balance between seeking help and your personal growth. Have you talked to your therapist about these feelings and concerns? If not, what might be holding you back from discussing this with them?
I’d like to offer a few suggestions:
1) Open Communication with Your Therapist:
Your therapist is there to support you through your entire healing process, and they understand the significance of the therapeutic relationship. I encourage you to share your concerns about your fear of getting better with your therapist, as it can be an essential part of your therapy. When you discuss these feelings with your therapist, it may help both of you understand and work through this process better.
2) Exploring the Meaning of Recovery:
Take time to consider what “recovery” means to you. It doesn’t necessarily mean the end of therapy or support. It could signify a transition to a different type of support or a more independent approach to managing your well-being. You can also process this idea of recovery with your therapist too.
3) Creating a Gradual Transition Plan:
You can work with your therapist to create a transition plan that allows for a gradual decrease in the frequency of sessions while maintaining support as needed. This can help you feel more in control of the process and reduce the fear of a sudden loss of support.
I also want to affirm you that your therapeutic journey is unique, and it’s important that you feel empowered in your recovery. I highly encourage you to bring up these issues of fear and anxiety into your therapy sessions and eventually process them together with your therapist.
Let me know your thoughts about the 2 questions I asked, and share with us how you plan to speak to your therapist about this issue Hear from you soon!
Thank you for the reply and for your suggestions. Really appreciate it!
Answering your questions:
- I feel heard and validated. I felt someone finally truly cared about me, I felt important.
- Growing up, I had a lot of people dismiss my issues, like no one paid attention to me/ I wasn’t important cause no one expected me to be struggling cause “I grew up in a good family”.
- I just engaged a new psychologist, so far we’d 5 sessions together. I haven’t shared yet about this issue and it’s not really cause of fear but I think it because it won’t be so soon that we’ll cease the relationship hence there’s no urgency to tell her. But I guess when the right time comes, I’ll talk to her about this?
I’m not sure if I should speak to her early about this? Cause it might hinder my recovery?
I guess I’m asking also cause last time I had a counsellor (she has since resigned) but when she was still my counsellor, I was getting better and there was that fear/ I started fearing/ overthinking that if I fully get better, I won’t need her anymore and there was a period of time that I started to struggle emotionally again cause of the thoughts (I experienced low mood and it became so bad that I started to self-harm again).
I’m just worried it’ll happen with my current psychologist like I can’t cope without her and start to struggle again.
Thank you for responding to the questions! It takes a lot of courage to be so honest and truthful about your past, so I really want to commend you for that.
I’m proud of you for having that good sense of self-awareness, as you have described that in your past you felt that no one paid attention to you and that you weren’t important. I empathise with your feelings of insignificance, it can really be a painful emotion to deal with - and just because someone grew up in a good family doesn’t mean that they don’t have struggles. I can sense that there was likely a lot of misunderstandings as well.
I’m also happy to read that you’re working with a psychologist now, and although you don’t forsee the therapeutic relationship ending anytime soon, I think it would also be good to share this with her too - but of course at a time whenever you’re ready to. I feel that therapy is a safe space and there’s nothing too early, too scary, too painful, to embarrassing (or etc) to share - the right time is always now (when it surfaces) because if you’re going to wait until you feel the same way again, it’s probably going to intensify and get even more scarier to manage, and you might not want to even bring it up at all.
I hear your worries, I understand that you are concerned if bringing this up might rupture your relationship with your therapist or hinder your recovery process. In my opinion, I think it would be good to process this with her soon, but if you don’t feel ready to, you can wait until the time is right But, I truly believe that if your therapist is sensitive enough (to your feelings), she will be able to hold that space safely for you and she would be able to process them together (even if the relationship isn’t coming to an end yet).
It’s ultimately your decision, and no matter what you decide to do, we’re here to support you. Do share with us what your thoughts are and what your next steps are too! Happy to journey with you here.
Actually one reason why I sought therapy is cause I’ve a huge fear of people leaving/ relationships ending cause I see it as them abandoning/ not wanting me. Logically I know it’s not true but it feels very real/ true to me and it causes a lot of problems.
Actually with my current psychologist I haven’t gone in depth yet (cause I want to take it slow/ pace myself) but in our last session I did scrap the surface of talking about relationships and how it affects me but yeah, in the next few sessions, I’m probably going to go in-depth and talk about my fear(s) (fear of the end of relationships and its impacts on me).
It’s hard for me to open up but I trust and feel comfortable enough with my current psychologist to probably in my own time open up. It’s just really hard to open up and talk about relationships cause it’s very uncomfortable for me but I trust eventually I’ll/ we’ll get there