Feeling depressed and useless

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Hello everyone. I’m approaching 40 but feeling depressed and useless as of late. I was previously in the uniformed organization for more than 10 years. I then took a career break to spend more time with my family and to explore my career options.

During my career break, i upskilled by taking a course in IT as i have interest in this domain. Managed to land a role in IT but coming to 1 year in, i find that it is not suitable for me due to various reasons. As such, i resigned without a job line up.

I have been applying for jobs but only getting non replies and rejections. I’m starting to think that my age and experience hinders me from getting a suitable job. Really feeling lost…

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hi @user5368 ,

Thank you for sharing your experience. It sounds like you are going through a challenging time, and it is understandable to feel lost and discouraged given the circumstances.

I must commend you for the courage it took to make significant changes in your career and life. Taking a career break to spend time with family and explore new options is a brave decision, and upskilling in IT shows your willingness to adapt and grow.

It is tough when job applications do not yield the desired results, especially when you feel your age and experience might be working against you. Sometimes it takes time to find the right fit, and persistence is key. I understand how discouraging job hunting can be, and i encourage you to try and maintain a positive mindset, such as doing the things you enjoy and spending time with your family.

You can try networking, as that often leads to opportunities that are not advertised publicly. Networking sessions can be found through mobile apps like Eventbrite.

Keep pushing forward and I wish you all the best! :slight_smile:

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hi @user5368 ,
i appreciate you being vulnerable enough to share your experience, and it definitely sounds like a very isolating time for you currently given your career circumstances.

but i think it is really noble of you to take a career break to spend more time with your family as this is an area of our lives that we often take for granted while chasing career-related endeavours. and i believe that your family appreciates this sacrifice that you have made for them as well!

and i think it is even better that you managed to upskill through an IT course during this time as well. looking on the bright side, the current situation with all these rejections could just be a phase given the generally poor job market, and not necessarily a reflection of your competencies or age-related factors. so i hope you don’t take it too personally, but instead find the motivation within you to press on and continue seeking more opportunities as you have been doing.

all the best :slight_smile:

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I find it admirable that you took time to be with family, to also upskill and find a job in a different field as well!

I do hear that it is challenging to find a job with older age, and with the context of uniform service making up most of your career. You’re not alone in this, and there are others who have made it through. It feels tough right now with a lot of uncertainty and not knowing what will work out, but I’m certain you will make it through!

I’m wondering if you’re also in touch with career services? There are currently new launches for skills future and rewards for people looking for a job. And there are opportunities to further upskill to find a career that’s suited for you if IT wasn’t the right field.

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Thank you @Rotovap, @calmbird123 & @lilac for the comforting words and encouragement. I’m currently in touch with a career coach going through a programme to rediscover my strengths to align with my best choices of job roles.

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Hey, thanks for sharing this — I just want to say you’re not alone, and what you’re feeling is completely valid. It takes a lot of courage to step away from a stable career, and even more to try something new. The fact that you upskilled, landed an IT role, and made the call to leave when it didn’t fit — that shows self-awareness and strength, not failure.

Actually, this reminds me of my mom’s experience — she also had a tough time getting back into the workforce after a break. For a while, it was just rejections or no replies. But she kept applying and took on some simple part-time desk jobs in the meantime. Eventually, she found a role that really suited her. So don’t give up — there is something out there, it just takes time and persistence.

And funnily enough, my mom also took a data course to upskill — but in the end, she didn’t pursue it because she didn’t enjoy it. It just wasn’t her thing. That doesn’t mean other paths won’t work — it’s part of figuring out what fits you. Trying something and realizing it’s not for you is still progress.

Since your background is in uniformed work — I’m guessing possibly in the government — maybe consider applying to other departments or roles in the public sector? Your discipline, leadership, and operational experience are valuable in many areas, like training, security, or project coordination.

And remember — your career doesn’t define you. Even if you’ve been rejected a lot or haven’t found the right fit yet, life has so many other things to offer, like your family and the strengths you’ve built over the years.

Please don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re doing your best, and it shows. Keep going — the right opportunity will come.

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hi @user5368,

Thank you for the update! I am glad you have taken steps to improve your current situation. The guide from someone like a career coach can definitely make it seem less daunting.

Wishing you all the best in your future endeavors! :smiley:

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hi @user5368 thank you for sharing this with us and please don’t say that!! Age is just a number and we can all see that you are still trying your best to improve yourself and you sound like you are still trying so you are definitely not useless at all!! I’m sorry to hear about your rejections but please don’t stop trying if that’s what you really want! I’m sure that someone out there will see your passion and dedication and hopefully accept you in due time! Wishing you all the best!!

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Hello guys. Just a little update. I managed to land a role in public service again. Just started last month but quickly realised that there is a mismatch in job roles, working hours and job expectations. Feeling so vexed now. I questioned myself that i’m lucky to have a job now but at the expense of sacrificing my time with family as i have to work on weekends at times. I’m really at a loss.

The career coaching session was only useful during the sessions. But, after that it’s mostly on my own to secure a job. My thoughts are all over the place now. Just dragging myself to work everyday trying to adapt…

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Hi @user5368 ! I’m glad to hear you found a job, even if there’s a mismatch. I know you’ve been trying so hard and went through a lot to land a job, so getting to this point is a win worth celebrating, even while we look at what can be done next about the current concerns. Proud of you for pushing through :slight_smile: It’s true that coaching is support and we have to do the work of applying and going for interviews on our own. But I guess it’s also things that we can learn and carry with us into those applications and interviews. We might be physically alone but you taking that step to go for coaching, to seek guidance, to reach out for support here? No one can take that away and you get to carry it with you into whatever interview, application, or job you do :slight_smile: I wonder if you notice this and I’m wondering what are some of the things you’ve learned or gained that will stay with you?

What is your current role about? And what parts of the job do you feel like there may be a mismatch about?

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Hi Lilac. Thanks for the reply. My role is Assistant Executive. Can’t really say much about my role. But the jobscope differs a lot when i started work. And it seems like my role is also to cover other people who wants to clear their leave. This means working 12 hours on days or nights and weekends.

The situation at home is not any better since i got into a traffic accident 3 weeks into my new job. I was warded for one night while my wife was away on a business trip. My kids were taken care of by my in laws for the very first time. It has always been my wife and I taking care of our kids. They were traumatised, especially my son since it’s their very first time staying with their grandparents without their parents.

Fast forward till today, my son is still traumatised and wakes up regularly at night crying for me or my wife. It’s really tiring and draining. With me having to work weekends at time leaves my wife alone to take care of our kids. She gets stressed out and tired as well…

In my heart, i keep thinking why am i such a failure. I can’t even get a job which lets me take care of my family better…

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Hi @user5368 it sounds like your work is really tiring. How has your supervisor been, and is the workload and transition into the role something that they can support you with? I believe that every role requires some adjusting to, especially when the jobscope has changed. But I understand it’s not a perfect world out there and there may not be a lot of support. Wonder how you find the support at work for you?

But even then, I hear how it’s been a stressful time overall, even apart from work. Between having an unexpected accident, last minute care plans, and changes in your kids behaviors from the situation – It sounds like a lot for you and honestly for anyone to handle really.

So, you’re not a failure. What I am hearing is that you care so much for your family. I see you noticing how your wife and children have been doing, and you’re trying really hard for them. Not everyone is as caring and thoughtful. You have so much strengths, and your worth is more than these obstacles.

I’m wondering if you’d be open to try and challenge that thought that says “I’m a failure” with me. What have been some of the reasons that it’s been hard? Such as making a career switch, or a bad market/timing.

And what if someone else were in your position, what are some kind things you would say to them?

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hi user, i hear that you’re blaming yourself :frowning: from what ive been seeing in the earlier posts and commentings, you’ve been doing your best already (upskilling, finding a career coach, and now being in a brand new job and working for long hours). when you said that you took a career break to spend more time with your family, i feel that you’re a really loving father and cares deeply about his family, not everyone is able to do that, its respectable of you! do take care of your health (hope youre recovering better), and some times things are out of our control (like the accident). you are already doing your very best and in your fullest capacity, hang in there, im rooting for you! feel free to always come back to this thread if you want to talk about your feelings

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First, I just want to say that it’s really brave of you to share how you’re feeling right now. It’s completely understandable to feel down when things seem uncertain and when the job search is not yielding the results you hoped for. The fact that you’ve upskilled and made big career changes shows a lot of resilience, so don’t discount that.

Approaching 40 is a big milestone, and it’s natural to question where you are, especially when it feels like the things you’ve worked for in the past are no longer aligning with your present. But feeling lost right now doesn’t mean you’re stuck—it just means you’re in a transition, and transitions can be really uncomfortable, even though they often lead to something better.

It sounds like you made a thoughtful decision to explore IT, and while it’s okay that it didn’t turn out the way you thought, the fact that you took that step says a lot about your willingness to learn and adapt. It’s tough to leave a role without something else lined up, but sometimes a break is what’s needed to give yourself the space to reset and figure out what truly suits you.

The lack of responses from employers is disheartening, but please know that rejections or silence don’t reflect your worth. Job markets can be unpredictable, and sometimes, the right fit just takes time to find. As for the age part—there are so many people who successfully change careers later in life, especially with the skills and experience you’ve accumulated. In fact, the wisdom and maturity that come with age can be incredibly valuable in a role, but it might take a little more time to find a place that truly sees that.

Right now, it’s about not losing sight of your strengths. You’ve upskilled, you’ve shown the ability to pivot, and you’re actively seeking something new. That drive is huge. Maybe instead of focusing on how you’re not getting responses, it might help to reflect on what you want from the next phase. What kind of work excites you? What values do you want your work to align with? The next job might not be just about skills—it might be about finding the right environment where you can truly thrive.

You’re not alone in feeling lost during a career transition, and sometimes the hardest part is simply pushing through this moment of uncertainty. But even though it doesn’t feel like it now, this feeling of being “lost” can be the space where your next opportunity is quietly forming. Take it day by day, and be kind to yourself through this process.

How are you feeling about the next steps? Do you have any ideas about what you might want to explore next, even if just a bit?

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working 12 hours on days or nights and weekends– Oh no that really sounds like no work or life balance. It’s true this job market is tough, have u tried networking? when i was jobhunting, i was recommended to do Linkedin besides sending Cvs the normal way. Or can ask thru friends

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Its sad that the job market is pretty bad right now for office based white collar jobs.

Since you worked in a uniformed org before, have you thought of going back? Its one place that is always forever looking for people.

Another place that needs people is healthcare and senior care. i would agree their salary is crap for low-level jobs and can be pretty demanding.