Feeling like I’m Constantly on High Alert

Hangouts Rants
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I took up a freelance work (that I’ve already completed) and joined a school club to network and try something new. But honestly, it’s been so stressful and I feel like I haven’t had a proper break for the entirety of this academic year.

There are too many deadlines for me to handle, and there are issues to rectify one after another. This is especially so in the school club… It’s basically like a full-time job for me now, except I don’t earn bucks from it. I started this to get out of my comfort zone but it’s been raising my cortisol levels more than anything. It’s not worth it. I have been putting more time into this than my actual school projects that I should be focusing on.

My school projects all require creativity, and I haven’t had that spark because of my burnout. But I feel like I can’t even use that as a reason anymore, it feels like an excuse. I have been a lot more clumsy, forgetful, and foggy.

I want to keep pushing but how can I even focus on one thing when there is a bunch of things on the to-do list at the back of my mind.. There’s a huge responsibility and if I don’t do it properly then it is all on me, and it will affect my CCA mates too.

The only thing I look forward to is the end of this academic year so I will finally be free from the shackles.

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Dear @tophu , I hear how exhausted you are. I also hear a lot of pressure and responsibility you are putting on yourself, such as fearing if you don’t pull your weight, your cca mates might be affected, or that you are not performing to your standard as you are being less creative than your usual self. I think in life, it is tempting for us to commit to various things, to prove to ourself and others that we can handle many things and that we are good. It is just human to do so. Me included. Sometimes I agree to things before I even think it through because there’s that odd satisfation of agreeing and the potential of proving myself. I am not sure if this is your case as well. But ultimately, only we will know if we can handle the stress, and nothing is more important than our own mental health, and nothing is more important than being able to take rest and still be able to enjoy what we do. Afterall, the things we signed up for, are things we enjoyed. I hope you can find a break amidst all these, and don’t be too hard on yourself if you are not pushing as hard or falling behind. We learn how to manage our workload through incidents like this.

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