Hi im F(21) and i met this guy recently a week ago online on a friend matching app and he’s 23. idk why but everytime i talk to him, i dread doing so even though he’s asking questions that my friends would ask when getting to know me like for e.g. why i volunteer, what’s my take on volunteering, and something deep like how do i stay strong as a christian. and somehow i realised im getting more and more drained when talking to him.
im putting this out here to ask for help cause like idk what to do, idk if im overthinking things and i honestly don’t want to come to a point where i have to ghost him. because I’m afraid that I would be seen as the bad guy if one day if I really have to I block this guy on tele and IG to prevent him from contacting me in any way. I’m thinking maybe this anxiety I’m having came from past experiences of guys texting me everyday and being overly friendly towards me(although the questions they ask me were really weird and it was clear for those individuals that they needed help and counselling ngl)
and im thinking as well was it wrong of me to be on this app if its gonna give me more trouble like this😭
Hello @messedupbun,
Thank you for reaching out.
Not every friendship or connection we make is meant to last, and that’s completely normal. Sometimes, even when someone appears kind or asks thoughtful questions, the dynamic doesn’t feel right for us. Feeling drained or uncomfortable is a valid signal that this particular interaction isn’t nourishing you, and it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong by being on the app. It simply means this match isn’t the right fit. Friendships, like any relationship, should feel balanced and energising, not tiring.
If you decide you’d like to end the friendship politely, you can keep it simple and respectful. For example, you might say: “Hey, I appreciate you reaching out and getting to know me, but I don’t feel like I can continue our conversations. I wish you well.”
This sets a clear boundary without being harsh. If he continues to contact you after that, it’s perfectly okay to mute, unfollow, or block him. Protecting your peace is not being “the bad guy.” You’re allowed to prioritise your comfort, and ending things with honesty and kindness is more than enough.
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Ok I see, thank you so much for your help!
Hello @messedupbun thank you for sharing this here. From what you’ve described, it does sound really draining for you. Even if the questions he’s asking are things friends would normally ask, having to constantly explain yourself and go deep can take a lot of energy, so it makes sense that you’re feeling tired and starting to dread the conversations.
I think it’s good that you’re noticing this early, and it also shows that you care about him since you don’t want to be mean or hurt him. At the same time, your feelings matter too. Given what you’ve been through in the past with guys being overly intense or texting all the time, it’s understandable that this situation might be triggering some anxiety, even if he isn’t doing anything “wrong” on the surface.
You’re not a bad person for feeling this way, and it doesn’t mean you were wrong to be on the app. Sometimes we only realise our limits when we’re actually in the situation. It’s okay to want space, to slow things down, or to step back if it’s affecting you. You don’t owe anyone constant access to you, especially if it’s draining you.
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Ok I see, thank you so much:)!
hello, thank you for sharing! It is okay to set boundaries and if you are not comfortable with sharing about a certain topic such as by telling him that you don’t feel like sharing about that and move on to more lighthearted topics/topics that both of you are really interested in 
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Ok I see, thank you so much!
