[Posting on behalf of a friend who is too overwhelmed to create an account right now]
[deleted]
hey @user3266 !
i’ll address you directly in this post, but you can take it as a response for your friend. i would like to commend your courage to share and talk about your concerns. It shows that you truly care about your friendships, and it is also not easy to acknowledge the difficulties we face sometimes. Thank you for sharing!
I think it is normal to feel tired from hearing about other people’s problems. you are certainly not alone in that. feeling tired is normal - it shows that you truly care about their problems, and you have been paying attention and were actively trying to be fully there for them. All these little things take up energy. I am sure that your friends are grateful and trust you to share their problems with you. Im glad that you know setting boundaries is important in order to protect your space and mind. This is crucial particularly in the long run, for your mental health and for sustaining your relationships and friendships. We cant take on everything at once, and we all have different thresholds. It’s okay to say no. You have to remember to take care of yourself. Perhaps you can communicate to your friend that you are not feeling up for a serious talk that day, as you are feeling overwhelmed. maybe scheduling another time to talk might help, and you can also mentally prepare for the talk beforehand. After the talk, remember to decompress and do what you like to recharge!
I understand that ranting to your other friends about X might help you to recharge momentarily. On the surface, it might seem like a quick way to release some steam. However, as you have identified in your reflections, you feel negative feelings of failure after ranting about your friend, as it might feel like a betrayal of the inherent trust in your friendship. It is not your fault when you feel overwhelmed. Perhaps a better way of dealing with feeling overwhelmed is to tell your friend directly ahead of time. Explain that you need some time to recharge first, and that you still care about him/ her - this will help him/her to understand and be able to care for you too.
I understand your doubts about sharing your problems with Y. I personally think that all problems are important, not just romantic ones! life is much more than just romance. Again, i think it would be best for you to communicate your concerns with Y and ask him/her about what he/she thinks about hearing your problems. It would help you to understand eachother more, and hence strengthen your communication and friendship. I dont think you failed as a friend because of second-guessing - i think it is normal, as the circumstances around your HTHT might imply that Y does not like to hear about problems. However, it might be a generalization! Perhaps it is the situation that made Y feel overwhelmed too, despite truly caring about your friendship.
you got this! good friends are hard to come by. cherish your friends and loved ones 
Hello @user3266 , thank you so much for sharing this on behalf of your friend. It sounds like they’re carrying a lot emotionally right now, and the fact that you’re supporting them while also trying to process your own feelings says a lot about your care and empathy.
First, I want to acknowledge how emotionally exhausting it can be to be the listening ear all the time, especially when the conversations feel repetitive or heavy. It’s completely understandable to feel drained, even when you care deeply about someone. That doesn’t make you a bad friend; it makes you human. We all have limits, and recognizing them is part of maintaining healthy relationships. The guilt you’re feeling is natural, but try to remember that setting boundaries isn’t a failure. It’s actually a way to care for yourself and keep the friendship sustainable.
You also mentioned that at times you’ve tried to offer solutions or speak the hard truth, and it didn’t go well. That’s a tough place to be in, knowing what might help but also knowing the other person may not be ready to hear it. You’re trying to balance compassion with honesty, and that’s not easy. Please be gentle with yourself in those moments. You are showing up and trying your best, and that matters.
When it comes to your conversation with friend Y, it makes sense that their words hurt. Dismissing daily check-ins as “not actual problems” can feel invalidating, especially when that’s a way you and friend X both connect and share. Your hesitation to share with Y now doesn’t mean you’re failing as a friend. It means you’re paying attention to how others make you feel, and that’s something important to honor. You deserve to feel heard too.
If it feels right, you could ask Y to clarify what they meant, just to understand whether it was a one-off comment or something deeper. Sometimes people speak bluntly without realizing the impact. But regardless of their intent, your feelings are valid.
It’s okay to feel conflicted. You’re navigating complex dynamics, trying to be there for others while also protecting your own emotional space. That kind of reflection and self-awareness is a strength, not a weakness. You’re not failing, you’re growing and learning how to care for others without losing yourself in the process.
You’re doing really well, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. Be kind to yourself, and take things one step at a time.