i think i’ve always had issues with friend groups where i get easily overwhelmed or triggered with my emotions so i started learning how to take time away to calm down before i return back to the friend group. it sounds bad at first but it’s really just so i can “protect” my friends from the severity of what i’m feeling because they’re not comfortable with heavy topics unless it revolves around gossip about people they know. i’ve had instances where this coping mechanism has backfired on me very badly and i’ve lost friends (now reunited) that were really close to me. now it just seems like the same thing is happening again and i don’t know if it’s a “me” issue…
ever since i met my school friends it got really apparent i was the most introverted in the group but depending on the circumstances i would participate actively and actually have fun with them. usually, it would only take a day’s break to recharge before i get back to engaging with them again and they would be understanding but idk what’s so different from this year… i started feeling more irritated around them and the feelings of being left out and unheard started becoming worse. i can’t match up with their energy anymore because i’m really tired with school and when i try to get comfortable with being quiet all while still having fun with them they just stop engaging me altogether because i don’t “vibe” on the level of energy they do. another friend in the group also doesn’t really listen to me when i talk and either forgets she was talking to me or completely tunes me out and uses her phone, making me repeat what i said close to 4 times before i eventually give up as she asks a 5th time. now some of them don’t really acknowledge me outside of necessity during group work despite us communicating how we usually do, just lesser. idk if it’s just me having commitment issues with friend groups but i just feel really bad for being too tired to talk to them about it and choosing to focus on my studies more. i’ve brought up being left out before but they just told me to try and “participate more actively” so that i can feel included. i also feel really paranoid that they’re talking bad about me behind my back…
Thanks for taking the time to share with us your struggles, I hear you, and I can see that you’ve been experiencing some challenging dynamics within your friend group. It takes a lot of self-awareness to recognize your own coping mechanisms and to try to protect your friends from the intensity of your emotions. I want to commend you for being mindful of their comfort levels, even if it has sometimes led to misunderstandings in the past.
It’s actually very common for people’s needs and energy levels to fluctuate, especially in the context of school and other life pressures. It seems like you’re experiencing a shift in your dynamics with your current friend group, and that can be tough to accept. Feeling left out and unheard can be really isolating, and it’s understandable that it’s taking a toll on you.
I feel that focusing on your studies is a valid choice! It’s okay to take the time you need to recharge, and it’s also okay to set boundaries when you’re feeling overwhelmed It’s unfortunate that expressing your feelings of being left out hasn’t resulted in the support you need from your friends, and feeling paranoid about what might be said behind your back can be an added layer of stress.
While it might feel challenging to initiate a conversation about these issues, it could be worth finding a time to communicate your feelings with your friends. You could let them know that you value your friendship with them, but that you’re currently working through some personal challenges and need their understanding, which could open up a dialogue. It’s possible they may not fully grasp the impact their actions are having on you
If you need some practice or help with the conversation, here’s a helpful tool that may work for you: Mental Support & Wellbeing Resources in Singapore to Improve Your Mental Health | mindline.sg
Remember, your feelings are valid, and taking care of your mental well-being is important! If the current dynamic continues to take a toll on you, it might be worth exploring other social circles or seeking support from individuals who can understand and appreciate your need for a quieter, more supportive space. You deserve friendships that lift you up and make you feel heard and valued.
Do let us know how you’re coping, we’d love to support you further. Hear from you soon!
hey @plvto looks like this has been stressing you out a lot and it certainly is tiring trying to put yourself out there when your feeligs are not reciprocated. I hope that you’ll eventually find people of your same kind!
Is there anyone in the friend group that you’re closer to? Sometimes I find it hard to vibe with an entire group too, the dynamics are very different. If there’s someone that you’re closer to, maybe can start to engage that one person first and let them bring you closer to the group.