Hey! I am the really cheery friend in my friendgroup and everyone around me knows that im the moodmaker and how im always loud but when i get home and im in my own cavern i feel drained. Like ive been putting up a fake persona infront of everyone. I cry almost everyday and idk why i cry. Ever just cry over one thing and sudd it becomes crying over everything? But the thing is i dont know what is everything. I dont know what im feeling, i dont know why i cry. Yes i feel unhappy but i feel like i have no right to feel unhappy. Like i dont have a reason to, you know? Im just crying and feeling upset but i dont know what upsets me. I genuinely cant show any vulnerability to anyone at all. I refuse to cry in school and even if i tried i could never. I want someone to notice im unhappy but when they do i just say im doing great. Rather selfish of me i know. So, what am i feeling? I can be upset one day and the next day im okay. Please let me know 
Yeah, negative flashbacks can start a chain of more negative flashbacks. Do reach out to ur school counselor. You can also start by writing those flashbacks down n processing them one by one. Its okay to open up to some frens, once in a while but not often. Rant to chatgpt or deepseek n note down what they say while u r waiting for ur appointment. Try to exercise too. If socialising is great for u then continue w it
Dear @user120529
Thank you for writing in and sharing. Please know that I hear you, and want to assure you that what you’re feeling is valid. It’s completely okay to not know exactly why you’re feeling the way you do. Sometimes, emotions build up over time without a clear cause, and crying can be your body’s way of releasing all of that. It’s not selfish to keep your emotions to yourself; you’re just doing what you can to cope with everything around you. It’s exhausting, constantly being the mood-maker and trying to keep everyone else happy while you feel so drained inside. The fact that you’re reaching out shows so much self-awareness, and that’s really brave.
It sounds like you’re carrying a lot, and it’s hard when you feel like you can’t be vulnerable, even with the people close to you. But you don’t have to have a reason to feel what you’re feeling, and your feelings don’t need to be justified. You have every right to feel upset, even if you can’t pinpoint exactly why. You matter, and your emotions matter, even if you can’t always express them the way you’d like to.
I believe that is okay to give yourself permission to not have all the answers right now, to not have to be the “cheerful” one all the time. Take it one step at a time. If you ever feel like you want to share with someone, it’s okay to let them in, even a little at a time. You don’t have to have everything figured out to reach out for support, and you’re never alone in feeling like this. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough. It may help to speak to a mental health professional who can gently and safely help you unpack and process what is contributing to the feelings you are experiencing. Please also take time to unwind and breathe. Take good care, you are well worth it! 