I have these friends in my class that are also in my cca. In class, they do talk to me quite a bit, and they often ask me for help with academics. I do help them a lot with it, and I feel like we’re quite close in class. But during cca, when they have other friends, they just completely stop talking to me, like I’m okay if they talk to me less, but they don’t talk to me at all, and they don’t even acknowledge the fact that I’m there. I feel so left out during cca. I thought that if I always help them, we’ll naturally get closer, but I don’t think I’m getting anything out of this and it’s been eating at my energy and mental health. I don’t know if I’m being selfish but I hope people would hear what I have to say sometimes and not just come to me when they need help. I don’t even want to go for cca anymore because it doesn’t make a difference whether I’m there or not.
Hi @anon5
I’m really sorry to hear you’re feeling like this—it sounds incredibly tough and isolating. It’s really difficult when you’re putting so much effort into helping others and not receiving the same in return, especially when you’ve invested so much emotionally. It’s understandable that this situation is eating at your mental health and energy.
It seems like you’re feeling invisible when you’re with your friends during CCA, which is leading to a lot of frustration and sadness. It can be so draining when you feel like you’re always the one giving and not getting anything back in return. It sounds like you’re trying to connect and be valued, but it’s not happening in the way you hoped.
You are not selfish for wanting to be seen and heard. We all need recognition and validation from others, and it’s natural to want your efforts to be acknowledged. Have you been able to share how you feel with your friends, or is it difficult for you to express this? Sometimes people don’t realise the impact of their actions, and communicating your feelings, in a calm and honest way, might help them understand your perspective.
It’s also important to remember that while it’s painful to feel left out, it doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of respect and care. You deserve to have relationships where your presence and contributions are valued, and sometimes we need to set boundaries in relationships to ensure we are getting the same energy and support that we put out. It might help to reflect on the dynamics in your friendships and consider how they make you feel overall. Are these relationships genuinely supportive, or are they leaving you feeling empty?
I know this situation feels overwhelming right now, but you’re taking the right steps by reaching out and reflecting on how you’re feeling. You’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to feel frustrated and hurt by these experiences. As you continue to explore your needs in these friendships, be kind to yourself and remember that you are worthy of mutual respect and care.
Take care of yourself, and we are here if you want to talk more.
Hello @anon5! Thank you for taking the courage to share your experience.
I want you to know that your feelings are entirely legitimate. Wanting to be seen, having balanced connections, and wanting others to care about you more than simply what you can offer for them are all not selfish desires.
When you put time and effort into someone in the hopes of becoming closer, only to feel like you’re only their convenience, it’s terrible. It makes reasonable that you’re exhausted by it. It shouldn’t feel one-sided to be friends.
I understand that it hurts to be unnoticed in your CCA, but please don’t let their actions make you feel less valuable. Some individuals just lack emotional awareness, while others are unaware of the consequences of their behaviour. However, you should be surrounded by people who listen to you, involve you, and really want you around—people who respect you for more than simply your assistance.
Perhaps it’s time to stand back and consider if these connections really bring you joy. If not, it’s OK to concentrate on those who really value you and give them less of your attention. Go for yourself, not for them, if you still choose to be a part of your CCA. Whether they realise it or not, you are important.