Hey, are you happy?

Hangouts Adulting
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Hi there,

I hope everyone is doing well lately.

I have recently read on The Straits Times titled: Mental health checklist: How are you, really?

Go check out the news article out if you’re interested.

It got me thinking - whether as an adult, student, or child, anyone’s mental or physical health can be susceptible to deteriorate at any given time, given the circumstances. Are we neglecting our health and ignore warning signs?

Everyone will experience happiness and helplessness at some point in time. The determining factor lies in how one handles their emotions and situation. That’s the winning factor in life. In difficult times, some will fall into despair/self-doubt and find it hard to move forward. While some will take the challenge head on and continue onward with great conviction. After each setback, I’ll always ask them or myself - “Are you truly okay?” or “You good?”

“Are you okay” sounds like something you will say out of politely (especially on text). Of course, the sincerity depends on the tone they are conveying when they are in person. However, I believe that majority of the people will answer “Yes, I’m good” or something similar. Myself included.

I understandable though, when they answer “Yes, I’m good”, it tells them that I am willing to listen to them whenever they are ready to share. However, something I learnt based on experience, you can usually tell one is okay or not when they answer your question - based on their expression, tone, and mood.

It’s hard to say “No, I’m not”, they would ask a lot, blahblahblah. But importantly, it’s asked in the next meeting, or in public spaces (e.g., with people you know) and you don’t really want people to know you’re not okay (esp with people you’re not close with) - It’s not really socially appropriate; you have an image to keep. It’s hard I understand, friends are easier to share your concerns with, but the things you can share are limited because of the sensitivity of the contents.

Ah, I talked too long, lemme summarise the rest. Physical, mental, and spiritually - these determines one’s health. (I’ll elaborate more next time hahaha too long)

Please share your opinion, if any. I would be happy to read it. :smile:

Now, here’s comes the question I wish to ask everyone - How satisfied are you with your life; how happy are you right now?

P.S. I’ll share mine below soon. :relieved:

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Wow! This is really an interesting question that got me thinking more deeply about my physical and mental wellbeing. I think the article acts as a good resource or checklist for people to keep track of the checkpoints for their health in life. I suppose the things keeping me going right now are money and resources, and control and autonomy :grin:.

I also agree that encountering tough situations is inevitable in life, hence it is really so essential to learn how to cope in a positive and healthy manner. I used to overthink so much that the anxious thoughts cloud my mind, which caused me to not be able to have a good night’s rest. As time goes and my sleep got better, I’ve learned that some things aren’t actually THAT bad and being well rested really helped me to think more rationally.

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Hi @eclipsemints, great to hear you are having sufficient rest. Love how upbeat you are! Continue to stay happy! :grin:

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Things have been changing so fast for me. Change of environment, people, and lifestyle. I was coping well in the beginning, but overtime I lose the motivation to do what I love because I was overworked and worrying about many things in life. Almost akin to a burnout.

I’m bored with my lifestyle right now. So, I am trying to relight the spark - hoping that I can refind that love I had for the things I was interested in. I have started progressing towards it, hoping to better enjoy my life.

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This is so true. Often when people ask “how are you?” or “are you ok?” we usually just respond with “I’m ok” because of the environment or the things you can share are limited because of the sensitivity of the contents.

And these feelings/thoughts are usually kept within ourselves and have no place to share it.

Sometimes it just feel so alone or burned out by the things we have to carry to ourselves with no support.

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Hey @Whispering, grateful you can relate to how I’m feeling. Because of this, I actually find myself listening to my thoughts more often to make sure that I’m okay. If I’m really not okay, I’ll seek help here or from my family.

I hope that you have someone who can support you during hard times. Else, don’t worry, you have us :grin:

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I think I’ve always felt a little awkward when I am asked “how are you?”, especially in a cordial setting by people I’m not actually close to. And I think typically my discomfort comes from the feeling that there’s nothing significantly good about my life although I think I’m pretty content.

More recently, I’ve been facing a bunch of different stressors at work. And I’ve realised that my default response to “how have you been?” or “how’s it going?” type of questions have moved from “I’m good!” to “I’m okay…” And the more I probe myself the more I feel like I don’t think I’m as okay as I hope to be.

But hey, life has ups and downs… And even though the tough days feel so insufferably long, the good days make me so grateful for everything I have. I do feel that these days my emotions are more negative than positive, so I want to work on helping myself cope and recover from where I am now. Hopefully with time I’ll be able to say “I’m good!” more than “I’m okay…”

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Life is falling down a bottomless pit of meaningless suffering.

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Let’s un-normalise the using and abusing of people who actually care for others.

Let’s un-normalise adding fuel to the fire when someone is already broken.

Let’s un-normalise bullying.

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Hi @Cole, this is such an interesting read/perspective. I honestly don’t know if I am happy or not right now. I feel like life is just passing by and I am going through it so that at points in time, when my friends or family or myself treat me well and with love, then I will feel happy. I don’t feel happy every time or feel happy about life but only certain moments in life created by others or myself. What is everyone else’s take on this - is happiness a fleeting emotion (through current moments) or a constant innate blissful feeling (through past thoughts)? I’m not too sure if I make sense so feel free to clarify.

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@BBFA

Even in the darkest moments, there’s a glimmer of hope waiting to be discovered. The deepest struggles can often lead to the most profound growth.

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“Hope might be a powerful force. But there’s no actual magic in it. It’s a false notion that people hang on to in times of despair.”

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Hey @hereforyou,

Happy you found my post interesting.

There are certain moments in my life I feel happy such as laughing to a terrible joke or enjoying time with people precious to me. But there are situations that make me unhappy or feel awful about. I wouldn’t say its fleeting for me. If there’s something that makes me happy, I can be happy for a week or so. But if something bad happens, it may make me feel awful for the week. This made me greatly cherish the happy moments I had.

I believe it’s not possible to be happy all the time (unless you are ‘high’). I think to be in a constant state of happy means to be satisfied with your life without any worries - socially, financially, physiologically, psychological, and importantly you have to fulfil your wants. There’s more to this list but that’s all I can think of currently. I think it’s interesting how you mentioned about “constant innate blissful feeling” specifically through past thoughts. From my perspective, younger children who have a happy childhood without any negativity will naturally be in a constant state of happiness. There are a set of people who feels this way too - those who are (un)intentionally escaping from their life (e.g., truama, amnesia, or living in the past) to be someone they want to be (e.g., a child to be cared or be served by others or innocent passerby).

I’m no expert so please do take it with a grain of salt. :sweat_smile: I would love to hear the opinion of the professionals. So, if you see this, I would appreciate it if you share your thoughts. :grin:

@hereforyou, I hope I answered your question. Lemme know if you have any thoughts on this or would like to clarify/ask anything.

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Hope is a powerful force, and indeed it’s not magic. The magic lies in people - in us. It’s our tenacious fights to find happiness that make us truly extraordinary. It’s our resilience that pushes us to rise from despair.

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Thanks for your answers @Cole! It is an interesting perspective and I feel enlightened. Personally, I am always curious about what others are feeling but whenever I try to ask my friends they often reply ‘I’m okay’ or ‘i’m good’ because people just tend to talk about their feelings on a deeper level if it becomes unbearable for them or I pry deeper.

Just a random thought that I have is that maybe monks feel a ‘constant innate blissful feeling’ because they found their ‘calling’ or purpose in life. Honestly, I feel like I am floating and missing puzzles in me on what makes me happy, what makes me feel contented in life, etc. It’s like I am running a marathon without knowing why I am doing this for/wing it you know. Maybe you can share your perspective on this or anyone can share what’s their purpose in life and what makes them happy :slight_smile:

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I feel like we all probably need someone, or some people that we hold close to us that we can comfortably say “I am not okay” to

Sometimes the stuff we say (true or not) can reinforce the way we think/feel/believe things are, and I feel like if we just keep saying we’re okay without really checking in with the physical/mental/emotional/spiritual etc. we’re probably just lying to ourselves cause we can’t be okay all the time right?

For me, I think I ignored way too many warning signs, and it’s definitely not a healthy nor happy situation to be in…

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