Hello everyone! It’s me again, back on this platform to vent my sorrows because, unfortunately, I don’t really know where else to talk about this. Talking on here always seems to provide me with good advice, so here I am!
I’m currently close to seven months into my first full-time job. Things have improved compared to when I first started, but honestly, my anxiety and stress are still there. In fact, I feel like my anxiety has worsened because I now have certain expectations of myself to do better and strive for improvement, given that I’m no longer “new.” However, even now, I still make mistakes here and there, and I really hate myself for it. I feel like I’m slow at learning, and I still don’t have the confidence or ability to work independently.
Every time I write an email, I feel stressed and lack confidence. Whenever I receive a new task, I get extremely worried and overthink it every day. I work in the office five days a week, and I can only rest during the weekends, but my mind is always occupied with work. I feel so stressed and exhausted that it affects my ability to go out and enjoy myself because work is constantly on my mind. Compared to my colleagues, I feel like I’m much slower at my tasks, and deep down, I know I’m a terrible worker.
I don’t have much work experience to compare this to—just three to four internships where I did relatively okay, but those were just internships.
I’ve been seeing a therapist since I started work last August, but I’m considering seeking more professional help because my mental health is declining. I really need help.
Thank you for sharing your struggles—it takes a lot of courage to open up, and that alone shows incredible strength. First of all, it’s okay to feel this way. Transitioning into a full-time role, especially your first one, can be overwhelming. You’re not alone; many others feel this same stress when trying to navigate new responsibilities and expectations. It’s perfectly normal to make mistakes and take time to grow into the role. Those moments of doubt don’t define your abilities or your worth as a worker.
It’s clear you’re putting your heart and soul into your job, but it also sounds like the pressure you’re placing on yourself might be outweighing the progress you’re making. While you may feel slow or inadequate, it’s crucial to remind yourself that everyone learns and grows at their own pace. Progress isn’t linear, and the fact that you care so deeply shows your commitment and dedication. It’s a sign of someone who wants to do well—and that’s a quality any employer would value.
I’m really glad you’ve already taken steps by seeking therapy—it shows how proactive you are about your well-being. Since you mentioned wanting additional professional help, have you considered options like consulting a psychiatrist for possible medication support, joining a support group, or exploring stress management workshops? I’d love to hear what you’re thinking about so we can brainstorm some more tailored ideas together. You’re not alone in this journey, and there’s always hope.
I’m 1.5 years into my first full-time job. I’m gonna be honest, I still feel like a newbie here haha Sometimes I feel that imposter syndrome between myself and my senior colleagues, or even those within my age but are more knowledgeable and competent in their jobs than me. I broke down several times in the office toilet, and have to wash my face and pretend that I’m alright.
In my personal experience, I guess I sort of “toughed it out” until I realise that I should not put my value or my self-worth in just my job. I am more than my job, and I should not let it dictate my worth just because I’m “not good” at work. I also believe no one really knows what they’re doing in life–“fake it 'til you make it”, you know?
I’ve also asked my friends for advice and one that stuck out from all of them was “to always find something to look forward to.” Whether it’s a hangout with friends, a trip to a restaurant or cafe, or simply just a walk around the area, it’s a chance for you to rest mentally and physically. Of course, it’s not easy when we only have 2 days to rest, so perhaps you can ask to call your friends after work. If your friends are busy, perhaps you can delve into hobbies or projects that stimulate the creative side of your brain.
But what helped me the most was to finally decide to get medicated for my depression. I reached a breaking point and after my friend made me realise that I may be clinically depressed, I decided to try antidepressants again. It tremendously helped with regulating my emotions, and even when I don’t feel like going to work, I am able to cope with the negative feelings and not get overwhelmed. Medications don’t always work for everyone; some may look to work on building a nurturing mindset. I do suggest you discuss this matter with your therapist as they know more about you as a person.
I do hope you’ll be able to settle into your job better, OP. Wishing you all the best!
Thank you for sharing your views and for expressing how, even after 1.5 years in the job, you still feel like a newbie and that imposter syndrome is real. I completely agree—it’s very relatable, as I feel like I’ve always experienced it too.
I’ll try to take your advice and discuss it with my therapist. As for the medication part, I’ve been considering trying antidepressants because I feel like I might be a bit depressed. However, I’m worried that it might go on my record—hahaha so i am a little hesistant.
That’s totally understandable what you said about being on the records. I’ve also had to consider about it, hesitant to “taint” my records with my mental illness. The first week on meds is also hellish; I had to endure sleepless nights and heightened anxiety. However, now with a clearer head, I’d rather have my depression on the records than not taking medications and having to endure more self-harming thoughts that may lead to my demise.
Of course, please do talk it out with your therapist and see if you both can discuss how to move forward with your problem. I wish you the best, and hopefully you’ll find a solution that will alleviate your issues
I feel similar to you from time to time, especially on days where its off for me (either im tired, or energy is off, or not vibing with people arnd me), i will face all these emotions doing my work even though im 5 years into working life… sometimes i struggle over it, sometimes im a bit kinder to myself and i come to the realisation that maybe those down times will just happen occasionally :')
all the times you made mistakes, others make them too from time to time~ we are all trying our best and that is what counts!!
work can be never ending, during the weekends when youre thinking about work, do you feel like those moments benefit your work during the weekdays? maybe can consider how to make space for such thoughts, like writing them down to offload it, then refer to it again during the weekdays, so as to not let it overwhelm your brain space~
alsoooo your internship experiences are just as meaningful as any other full time work experiences, dont need to discount yourself!!
Having concerns about the confidentiality of your medical records is valid, but I would like to assure you that mental health professionals in Singapore are strictly bound by confidentiality, as outlined in the IMH Patient Charter. (https://www.imh.com.sg/Patients-and-Visitors/Pages/Patient-Charter.aspx)
Do rest assured that if you do see a consultant at IMH or another hospital, they are bound by doctor-patient confidentiality as well, and the records will not be made public.
Transitioning into a full time job is not easy! Any major life change is challenging. One thing I personally noticed myself doing when I first transitioned was that I was comparing myself to others. But that is really unfair on me because I was comparing myself to people who have had so much more experience than me! I wonder if you relate?
I also hear how the anxiety of work not just affects you at work, but the time for you to rest as well. It does sound exhausting. Yet I want to take a moment to recognise your strengths. Despite your fatigue you have been turning up for work and doing your best. Even though mistakes happen and that creates really big feelings for you, it’s also happening in the context of dealing with perhaps this fatigue that may affect your work. What I see is someone who is really hard working and trying their best, but is struggling with these feelings that’s affecting them from performing at their best. You are more than a worker (and certainly not a terrible one nonetheless).
If it has been affecting you greatly, I do encourage you to seek professional support. A therapist you’re referring to is someone who gives therapy? They may be able to help, but if you feel like you need more support, you can consider a counselling psychologist, or a clinical psychologist.
@user1709 it’s tough when you feel like you should be doing better, but mistakes still happen. But honestly that’s just part of the growing up process. No one, no matter how experienced, gets everything right all the time. Personally, I feel that the key thing employers (and colleagues!) care about isn’t whether you mess up once in a while—it’s how you handle it, learn from it, and grow.
Instead of beating yourself up, try looking at mistakes as part of your learning curve. If something didn’t go well, take a step back, reflect on what went wrong, and think about what you can do differently next time. That’s what truly matters in the long run.
And I totally get the work stress creeping into your weekends. One thing that might help is setting small “mental boundaries”—like a short walk after work to signal the end of the workday, or keeping a “wins” journal where you jot down things you did well (even small ones!) to build confidence over time.
Based on what you’ve shared, you’re definitely not a terrible worker. You’re someone who cares deeply and wants to do well. I feel that you’ve already got a good mindset, which is that you want to do well. Hang in there, and don’t hesitate to reach out to us here for support when you need it.
Sometimes I feel that imposter syndrome between myself and my senior colleagues, or even those within my age but are more knowledgeable and competent in their jobs than me. I broke down several times in the office toilet, and have to wash my face and pretend that I’m alright.
Hang in there, and don’t hesitate to reach out to us here for support when you need it.