Hi Tigeagfreeflly
Thank you for courageously seeking help and I am sorry to hear how much you have been struggling.
I believe that you are facing individuals who may be intentionally trying to elicit and provoke a reaction from you. When you shared how you inadvertently get drawn into these conversations and later realise when it is too late that it could have been avoided, I sense you are hurting very much. I hope it helps you feel better when I share what you did previously is a very human and normal response. I also want to assure you that with greater awareness and proactive strategies listed here, you can overcome getting drawn into these potential minefields:
Recognize the Pattern: The first step is to become fully aware of the pattern. Notice when these interactions typically start, who initiates them, and what the usual topics are. Awareness can help you catch yourself before you respond.
Pause Before Responding: When you feel the urge to respond, take a deep breath and count to ten. This pause gives you a moment to consider whether engaging is worth it and what the possible consequences might be. Do something else first, or even sleep on it. Choose your response.
Set Boundaries: Clearly define your boundaries with these individuals. You can politely but firmly state that you don’t wish to discuss certain topics or engage in certain conversations.
Use “I” Statements: If you need to respond, use “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming others. For example, “I feel uncomfortable discussing this topic and prefer not to continue.”
Walk Away: If the conversation becomes too much, it’s okay to physically remove yourself from the situation. Excuse yourself and walk away if necessary.
Limit Exposure: Reduce the amount of time you spend around these individuals. If you can, avoid situations where you know these interactions are likely to occur.
Practice Self-Reminders: Create a mantra or reminder for yourself. It could be something like, “I choose peace over conflict” or “Not every comment needs a response.” Write it down and keep it somewhere visible, like on your phone or a sticky note.
Seek Support: Talk to a trusted friend or a counsellor about these interactions. They can offer perspective and advice, and sometimes just talking about it can help reinforce your resolve. A counsellor can further help you develop strategies to manage these interactions, set boundaries and work on any underlying issues that make you susceptible to them.
Supportive Friends or Family: Share your experiences with friends or family who understand your situation. They can offer advice, support, and encouragement.
Remember, it’s okay to protect your peace and prioritize your well-being. You don’t have to engage in every conversation, especially if it’s detrimental to your mental health. 
