hurting others

if i hurt someone, am I a bad person?

so basically there was this friendship with some person named h. but I wasn’t fully happy throughout the friendship, especially during the later stages. h. said I was being one-sided. however, I only stayed because I didn’t want them to lose anymore friends. and then they got mad at me when all I did was to try and care for them. I get why. And then blah blah blah happened (i somehow managed to make the friendship blow up in one go) and yeah. I am a bad person. I made them hate me. And that’s why I don’t deserve to live. (one of the reasons)

thinking about this made me realise that I just never got to build genuine connections with anybody. I just end up casting them aside. Taking them for granted. Because I was never satisfied. I just can never be myself.

I’m very tired.

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Hi @okay

Firstly, I want to thank you for sharing with us your struggles, and it sounds like you’re carrying a heavy burden right now. It takes a lot of courage to express these feelings, and I want you to know that your experiences are valid.

Do know that everyone makes mistakes, you are not judged by that one mistake. There are other aspects of you that people would appreciate about you. It is okay to feel bad as these emotions come after we did something that we feel are hurtful. It is helpful to know that you acknowledged your mistakes and you are learning from it; and also trying to make things better. I see you have good intentions, wanting to care for others, that’s why you did certain things.

Remind yourself that dwelling on guilt and shame will not help you move on, instead you will keep feeling stuck and get more frustrated. Perhaps you can think about what can be done to rectify and make things better.

I am also sorry to hear that you have not got to experience genuine connections with anyone. Since you have reflected on that, I would like you to think about connecting with yourself first. Think about how comfortable are you with yourself and whether you are kind to yourself. You may consider the following options:

  1. Self-compassion: Be kind and compassionate toward yourself. While you might feel that it is hard to forgive yourself for certain actions, I hope you try to show some compassion and understanding towards yourself. You have good intentions, just that it did not turn out the way you hope. It is not your fault at all, please don’t blame yourself for that. It is important how you speak to yourself. Focus more on your strengths and give affirmations to yourself.

  2. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be helpful to process and release emotions. You don’t have to share this with anyone; it’s for your own self-reflection.

  3. Challenge negative thoughts: Identify what are some thoughts that pull you down and make you feel bad about yourself. Think about whether these thoughts are real or are you being too critical of yourself. Challenge yourself to find alternate perspectives around this situation if possible.

  4. Practice self-care: Take time to reflect on what is happening around you and what you can do to take care of yourself better. When you are feeling down, it is most helpful to take care of yourself. Like when you are physically unwell, you would rest more. It is the same with being emotionally unwell.

  5. Seek support: Do reach out to trusted family or friends to talk about how you are feeling. Talking through experiences helps to gain new perspectives and insights. It could be encouraging as well.

Remember you are not alone in this journey. There are people who can support you. Please keep us updated on how you’re coping. Hear from you soon.

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