hii this is my first time using this kind of websites because i rlly want to know what’s wrong with me
i feel increasingly sad everyday. and it just affects me so much i js feel dazed at random points of the day.
i struggle with friendships a lot
several years ago i lost a handful of my friends , some because they got bored of me and some just got pissed at every little thing i say, even a greeting and then ghosted me. even after they made me cry for nights, i still feel attached to them and even begged one of them to befriend me again. am i rlly that desperate for a friendship??? i don’t know
but now im too scared to make friends or get close to anyone because i fear they’ll get sick of me. sometimes i see myself pretending to be smth im not bc i want to fit their ideal friend standard. maybe then they won’t leave me.
i think i feel very lonely. even with my group of friends in school, which i consider quite a lot of friends, i still feel very lonely i don’t know why. im scared they’ll get bored of me and leave me again if i open up to them. maybe im a boring person
i have always wanted to talk to someone about everything i am feeling, but i feel like telling my friends will just burden them, and give them more pressure in top of school.
i also struggle where i don’t know if im in a one sided friendship. i’ve been in a few recently and it hurts. i just don’t know whether they like or hate me. i know it’s one sided because if i never text first, we can go on not talking for months. it hurts to know that only i am tryibg to maintain our friendship. but while knowing that, i still feel very attached to them and if they leave me i will apologise and try to change myself in order to become a better friend. i think i don’t have any self respect but i really really treasure my friendships and i think it’s all because im a boring person to be with?? or maybe my personality is just ublikable i don’t know anymore but i am very lonely and sad. please tell me what is wrong with me i want to be normal
Hello @quokka thank you for putting your heart out. Losing any relationships can really hurt regardless of reasons and I can only imagine how hurt you must feel now
Hmmm so what do you wanna talk about ?
Also thank you for using such an interesting and one of the cutest animals for your user name. I mean look at this HAHA how can you not be happy looking at this heh so thank you for reminding me of this cutie. This does put a smile on my face
Lastly, you are not alone okay ! We are here to listen to you
hi @Otterworldly ! quokka’s are really cute and looking at them makes me feel happy :)) i wanna be a quokka!!!
on a separate note, i kinda wanna talk about how i react when i lose friends. i understand people come and go in life but i don’t know why i just can’t accept it just like that. i don’t want to throw away my dignity and beg someone to stay my friend even if they don’t see me as one too
how do i cope with losing a friend?
@quokka Hmmm maybe if you are okay can share what happened that made you feel like you lost your friends and how do you usually cope with it ?
For me when I lose touch with people I think its mainly because of the circumstances surrounding it and sometimes it’s out of your control.
For example it still hurts a little when I think about how my secondary school friends and I have drifted apart like the connection is not as close as before especially when 2 of them are closer to each other than I am to either of them. We still meet but I guess its not the same bah haha
As for how I cope I think I just have to realise that I am on my own journey and I try to control what I can which is how do I want to view and feel about it. Hence I try to see it that this could be an opportunity for me to reset and find myself at the same time meet people who align with my interests and values now.
Hi there @quokka
Thanks for coming on this forum then and sharing what you’re currently going through. I’m sorry to hear about your experiences with friendship. Losing friends must’ve been very painful and the feelings still appear very raw given your efforts to do all you can to maintain them. All of this sounds super hard and tiring for you.
I can see why friendships are so important to you. People are hardwired for connections, as we are social creatures, so friendships is one of our ways to make connections, and sometimes even crave for it. From what I hear, you value connection a lot, you treasure the company, support and joy of being a friend to others and having friends. Perhaps here is where you can take stock of your values and to see what’s really important that you look out for in a friend. What do you think are your values? Perhaps you can note them down and give them some thought. I find that values can kinda be a guide to help us live a life that is true to who we ARE and want to BE.
We also hold on to some things thinking it’s dear but perhaps we might need to let go some parts of it. Maybe it’s the perception or idea if what a friend is or what friendships should look like? There’s this concept called locus of control where we try to see how much of control (on a continuum) we have over what happens. At the same time, having an internal locus of control (believe you have control) does not always equal good and external locus of control (believe that you have no control and external things impact it) does not always equal bad. This is where I echo what Otterworldly said about being on their own journey and “try to control what I can which is how do I want to view and feel about it”.
Of course, this will be rather difficult and perhaps you might have to process this with someone, perhaps in a setting that is safe and without judgment. I believe that we’d be more than happy to listen and if you’d like to, you can also consider speaking to professionals from Family Service Centres.
Remember that you deserve and can get the necessary support you need! Take care!
Agreed with @BKT how I got to this mindset when it comes to friendships was going to counselling it was one of the things I worked thru with the counsellor.
It really helped me organise my thinking and feelings and process them in a healthier way
@quokka would this be something that you are interested to try ?
hi @Otterworldly !! i’m not sure if i can keep myself composed enough to talk to a counsellor :(( and i also don’t really want my parents to know bc ik they’ll make a rlly big deal out of it (disappointment kinda big deal)
so far i’ve only ever confided in my online friend in a game
but i feel like im bothering them
i would love to get help from a professional if not for the reasons:(
Welcome back haha @quokka hmm I think its okay to lose composure during a counselling session cos honestly that’s what its for I feel that it’s a safe space for you talk to someone no judgements and just be your true self
As for not wanting to let your parents know first maybe @cottonsoul or @BKT can suggest some places ?
Otherwise I would think perhaps your school councillor could be a good place to start I feel how does that sound to you ?
Hi @quokka, I hear you about your reservations with speaking to a professional, given it’s gonna be an entirely new and unfamiliar experience. Cause of that, the professional is gonna ensure that it’ll go at your pace and comfort level.
I can also imagine the reservations you have about your family members having to know that you want to seek help. I wonder if you’ve spoken to them about this before, given how important it is to reach out when things get too much for a person to handle.
Hey @quokka just wanna check how’s it going ?
hi @Otterworldly :))
i figured that my emotions have been way too dependent on my friends. so i have tried to find new ways to feel happy by myself, since my emotions is something i can control myself, like what @BKT mentioned
Although i do feel like im slowly drifting away from some of my current friends, i do feel slightly better !!
However id like to ask how to differentiate from me being unhealthily dependent on my friends to feel happy, from just being their friend, normally. I can’t tell if i’m using them to be happy (which i don’t wish to ) or im being a genuine friend.
Thank you so much @BKT and @Otterworldly for your hearing me out
I feel so much better !!
Hello @quokka glad to see that you are feeling better
In my experience it becomes unhealthy once you realised that you forget how to enjoy being alone. As in like you forget about setting aside time for yourself ?
Or hmmm maybe what are some actions or instances which made you feel this way ?