I feel so lonely. I’m confused, i have friends. Maybe its because the only time they talk to me is when their other friends stop talking to them. Could someone tell me how to make friends? It used to be so simple with a “Hello, lets be friends!”, now its just awkward. What are friends? I’m not sure, but to me friends are just people who give you company. We talk about random funny stuff, we don’t talk about ourselves or I don’t or maybe I do but i lie. Honestly I don’t know much about myself. Maybe the reason I have no friends is because I am not treating them right. But i dont get it, i love and care for my friends. I try to talk to them, be there when they are sad even if I dont know how to comfort them, i give them gifts on their birthdays but i don’t remember them, we have our laughs together but it lasts for a few seconds. Or is it because I’m not genuine? When I do things, i do things because I have too and i would prefer if i didnt need to but no choice. When a friend is sad, IAM suppose to understand them, feel them, feel sad together and comfort them right? Then why is it that i do not really care if they feel sad? I just comfort them to male them stop crying and feel better, but if they weren’t my friend i would just leave them be? I think i do this for the sake of keeping the friendship and making myself have friends? I think i’m just selfish. Now that i think of it, i think i just have friends so that i do not look lonely. Thats quite selfish of me. But i do care for them, i love them and don’t want them to get hurt, but when they get hurt i just dont bother?
Maybe its the fear of being judged, our brains are so confusing.
Im so confused, honestly i actually do deserve to be lonely lol
After some thinking, i realised that i honestly seek friendship with non living things. Like a pillow, it doesnt feel emotion, but its warm and nice to hug and it keeps my company. I think my only friend now is just my pillow. I feel comfortable around my pillow, its like hugging a real person.
I think this is weird, I dont deserve to have friends. I’m confused and questioning everything i know about myself and my friends, im selfish. Lol
Thank you for sharing with us how you truly feel on this platform, it takes a lot of courage to be authentic and vulnerable and I commend you for that. I’m really grateful that you’ve opened up about your feelings and thoughts, and yes loneliness can be a difficult emotion to grapple with, and it’s natural to have these kinds of questions and doubts about friendships.
I can tell that you do care for your friends, but it seems like there might be some confusion or inner conflict. Could you tell me more about your past experiences or any specific incidents that may have led to these feelings and behaviors in your friendships?
You mentioned wanting to make friends, but also feeling a sense of selfishness and not always genuinely caring about your friends’ emotions. What do you think might be causing this internal conflict, and how do you envision your ideal friendships?
For the time being, I would like to suggest 2 things:
Try self-reflection Self-reflection can be a powerful tool. You can take some time to explore your own feelings and motivations, and one of the powerful ways of reflecting is through journaling! Journaling can help you better understand your desires and expectations from friendships.
Building meaningful friendships often begins with being authentic and showing vulnerability. Would you like to try to open up to your friends about your thoughts and feelings, and ask them about their experiences and emotions as well? You could start simply by talking about something that’s in the news, or something that’s happening on a daily basis or something that you recently experienced, etc… Genuine connections often grow from shared experiences and mutual understanding
I would also like to share that you can speak to a mental health professional if you’re still confused about how you feel, as these professionals will be able to help you assess and discern if you may need more guidance. They’re also able to help process with you what might be keeping you stuck. In Singapore, we do have many options for therapists (onsite and online) - such as:
Remember, it’s okay to have moments of confusion and self-doubt. You don’t deserve to be lonely, and you have the potential to develop meaningful, fulfilling friendships! We can work through this together and help you navigate these complex emotions and thoughts. Let us know how you’re coping and what are your next steps moving forward? We’ll be here to journey with you.
Thank you, I understand more now. To me, I love physical touch, small actions and hugs. An ideal friendship to me, is someone who i can hangout with, talk to and have run with and likes skinship
I just scrolled and just read your post.
You and me have something in common called self doubt and internal conflict.
I have managed to somewhat overcome it a little by occupying my time doing stuff like watching movies or series, or if im at home i either play the guitar or like right now type and write.
I see that a professional has typed and i think it would be useful to listen to the advice and seek help too.
Just to share with you, what i learned is that people have their own lives and pursuits and what is important to them. I get it, I too have friends that only look for me when they want something and makes me feel like i’m just like a transaction. However, There will be times when we get to catch up for brief moments.
There is a quote i hear somewhere that says,
" When you love a flower, you don’t cut it and bring it with you - that possession, Love is letting the flower grow in the garden and visiting it, watering it and appreciating it in its nature "
Anyways, If you happen to watch any movies or series and want to share about what you take from it, you’re invited to write in the threat here called " Movies or Series Reflection ".
I hope that you get the right help and the right people to love you. If it means anything, Youre not alone, people do care.
Honestly bro, same. We came into this world alone and we will die alone. But what actually matters right now is that you can do something about your situation. You can join clubs (sports based or anything related to your interest) to gain some friends. Just understand that one should be comfortable in solitude. Because what will you do when you are all alone? You will only be left with yourself. Have a great day ahead of you.
Honestly I can relate maybe that’s because it was so hard for me to make friends since I was young, so I I really tried so hard to keep a friendship when I was younger and now that I am older, I realise that making friends required a lot of efforts and it is a two ways efforts and that just because you are friends with someone doesn’t mean you have to be with them 24/7 so I don’t think you’re selfish but you just need space? And maybe you don’t feel like dealing with dramas? Anyways that’s just my thought or maybe my thought are wrong, who knows
YOU ARE NORMAL
In fact you are the best friend anyone could ask for.
YOU SACRIFICE YOUR HAPPINESS JUST FOR A FRIEND!!! THAT’S NOT SELFISH THAT’S LOVE
You are loving people left and right, but you feel empty because your actions aren’t being reciprocated. I think you overthink beyond reality. You are already a good, good friend for being extra like giving gifts and providing emotional support. No one does that. I tell you they only do that for best friends. But you are a gem. I get that you dont want to look lonely. I agree. Who wants to be seen as weird at school? But your friends dont necessarily think of you that way. The fact they still talk to you and communicate show that they’re fine with you! Unless they blatantly ignore you then that’s sus. But you’re still approachable! So dont think of yourself like that
And I LOVE the part where you talk about making friends with non living things. That’s because they dont show emotions, like what you said. You dont have to worry about their reactions, opinions, actions. You are free to express your own. I suggest you keep the healthy bond that way. You do deserve friends, tons of them even. But i think you’re putting in too much effort. Just being by their side is enough. Anyways, about not feeling anything when they’re sad, you’re not being insensitive. Take this: when acting you have to force yourself to cry but it doesn’t mean you feel sad right? This means that even if you dont cry, you still FEEL bad for the person. Which shows you still have some empathy within you. So dont beat yourself up just cuz you dont share their actions.
All in all, i think you’re an amazing friend and you should be proud of yourself. They’re lucky to have you, not the other way around.
Self-reflection can be a powerful tool. You can take some time to explore your own feelings and motivations, and one of the powerful ways of reflecting is through journaling! Journaling can help you better understand your desires and expectations from friendships.