I feel lonely

[ash.66]

my life is either too much drama or too peaceful. i know its good that my life is pretty much peaceful now, i dont care about people who hates on me or the ones that tried to disturb my peace. nobody tried to pick on me or anything anymore. no texts other then coming from 3 of my close friends and family members.

but when its late at night, with no notifications from anyone. the loneliness hit me like a brick. also with insomnia nothing feels real. its tough, my heart aching for something, like its reaching for something. but idk what. too peaceful to the point i would keep talking about my past to my friends since theres nothing new in life recently. just school, back home, sleep and its a repeating process.

at this point i just dont know what to do anymore

[strawberrymilk]

heyy thanks for sharing, it must be really difficult to cope with this feeling of loneliness especially with your insomnia. i can relate to your experience too so i understand how difficult it is for you right now. Personally i only have 4 close friends and i don’t get a lot of texts often too. i occasionally have difficulties sleeping, and those sleepless nights just feel extra lonely and quiet and sad : ( While I enjoy the peace, it can sometimes get a bit too quiet and boring, and i find myself wishing that people would text or talk to me. So maybe this craving for social connection could be what you meant when you said you are reaching for something but you’re not sure what is it?

one thing that helped me overcome my loneliness was joining new communities and groups. I’m usually quite shy and a huge introvert, but recently I’ve been trying to step out of my comfort zone and tried joining new groups and communities with like minded people. While it was scary, i got to meet new people and also made some friends! Of course it’s only a recent thing so I’m still not thattt close with my new friends, but I have hope that I’ll be able to get close to them in the future. These new experiences and connections have made me feel less lonely because I’m in a community of like-minded people, and also made my life a lil bit more interesting. So maybe this could help you too? It can be physical groups, ccas, and communities, or even online communities such as those on discord!

overall just wanted to let you know that is totally understandable to feel this way : ) I know a lot of people feel lonely at certain points in their life, but its important to recognise that no one is really alone. For example you have your 3 close friends and family who will listen to you and be there for you. I’m sure you’ll be able to meet new people new friends in the future, and this feeling of loneliness will definitely pass. so cheer up okie! and feel free to share more here on let’s talk, I’ll be here if you wanna chat more too : )

[fifteendaffodils]

hello! thanks for opening up about your loneliness, it takes a lot of courage to admit that to yourself and also to others so I think you’re a really brave person

there are times when I feel the same as well, so I can relate to what you mean when you said it’s like your heart is aching for something. I also personally have a very small circle of friends, and honestly after graduating from school we hang out a lot less, and our group chats are a lot quieter. sometimes I go on for a month or two without any incoming texts other than from my family for things like grocery lists / dinner schedules.

life can feel pretty mundane and following the same routines could be comforting to some, but unsettling for others. it might be helpful for you think about and even list out reasons why you’re grateful for the peace you have now, and also what makes you uncomfortable about it. For example, does the peacefulness make you feel unimportant, or do you feel bored? What did you appreciate about the peace? In my experience, digging deeper into why I’m feeling what I’m feeling helps me work out how to respond to it better.

you also mentioned that you would keep talking to your friends about your past since there’s nothing new on life recently. I do this a lot as well, and sometimes it feels weird that I haven’t seen my friends in months but I have nothing really new to update them about my life LOL but I also realised that the joy I received from spending time with people I care about has nothing to do with my life updates. I can share the smallest teeniest most mundane event (e.g. had Macs for lunch yesterday) and still feel immensely happy that I talked to my friends. After all, genuine connections are made up of a collection of small tiny interactions that maybe seem fleeting and insignificant in isolation. So I want to encourage you to not be afraid to talk to your friends about the smallest things that are happening in your life, they may not seem the most interesting to you, but your friends may be happy you shared that with them anyway!

[FuYuan_Affections]

Hi @Ash.66,

Thank you for sharing what you’re going through. I can understand how challenging it must be to feel stuck between two extremes—on the one hand, you’ve found some peace, and on the other, you’re wrestling with feelings of loneliness and emptiness, especially at night.

It sounds like you’ve experienced a lot of drama in the past, and now that things have quieted down, it’s left you in an uncomfortable space. The stillness, while calming in some ways, has also opened up room for loneliness and a sense of yearning for something more—something that’s difficult to identify right now. That “aching” you mentioned is a powerful emotion, and it seems like your heart is reaching out for something meaningful, even though it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what that is at the moment.

It’s not uncommon for these feelings to intensify at night. Without the usual distractions of the day—like school or being around friends—the quiet can often make those feelings of loneliness feel much stronger. Insomnia can make this even harder because when you’re physically exhausted, it becomes even more challenging to process emotions and maintain a sense of reality, as you’ve noticed with “nothing feels real.”

From what you’ve described, it sounds like there might be a couple of things contributing to how you’re feeling. On one hand, the routine of school, home, and sleep seems to be leaving little room for novelty or personal growth. When life feels repetitive, it’s natural to feel detached and even bored, which might be why you find yourself focusing on the past. The past might feel more interesting or dramatic compared to your present situation, so it makes sense that you’d bring it up in conversations with friends when there isn’t much new to talk about.

At the same time, it seems like the emotional disconnection you feel might be creating a sense of yearning for something deeper—perhaps it’s a longing for more meaningful experiences, connections, or personal growth. This is a powerful realization, and it’s okay not to have all the answers right now. What you’re feeling could be your mind and heart’s way of telling you that you’re ready for something new in life—whether it’s exploring new hobbies, meeting new people, or even diving deeper into self-discovery.

It might help to start by introducing small but meaningful changes to your routine. Sometimes, we don’t need big dramatic shifts to feel better; even little steps can make a difference. You could try engaging in a new hobby, joining an online community, or even practicing mindfulness to ground yourself in the present. These small changes can introduce a sense of novelty and help break the cycle of repetition. Have you had a thought about what will work for you?

When it comes to the loneliness at night, building a soothing nighttime routine could be helpful—whether it’s listening to calming music, meditating, or journaling about your feelings. Giving yourself this time to process what you’re going through in a safe, structured way can ease the emotional heaviness that often comes up when things are quiet. How do you feel about this?

You’re in a period of transition, and that can feel unsettling. But this could also be an opportunity for growth—a time to explore what you need and want in life moving forward. I encourage you to be patient with yourself as you navigate this process, and don’t hesitate to reach out to people who understand. You’ve already taken a big step by acknowledging how you feel, and that’s something to be proud of.

Take care, and remember—it’s okay to seek out new experiences and find your own path, even if it takes time.

[terravolt43]

Hey there,

Thanks for writing in and sharing your feelings. Feelings of loneliness is something many experience these days and I want you to know you’re not alone in feeling this way.

It seems to me that you’re feeling a lack of excitement or “spice” in your life recently. Maybe you feel your life is a bit mundane as it seems like it’s a repeating schedule of seemingly the same events. This leads to you being ‘hung up’ on the past. Perhaps this lack of fulfilment is a contributing factor to your insomnia as well?

I want you to know that I can fully relate to this, and for me, it feels especially painful seeing my friends move on and be busy with their lives while I miss them. However, I want you to know that it’s perfectly fine to talk about the past with your friends! As memories are a precious part in the dynamics of friendship, and helps maintain camaraderie by reminiscing over the “good old days”.

May I ask how often do you feel this way? Also with relating to “nobody tried to pick on me or anything anymore”, was there something that happened in the past which may have affected you greatly?

Seems that you are quite close with the 3 close friends you mentioned as well as your family members! That’s good. It sounds like you have a good support system around you. Do they know about this? Have you tried confiding in them? Sometimes it may be intimidating to share about your problems to your friends and family, as you might be afraid of ‘burdening them’. I want you to know that they are there as a support in your life, just as you are a supporting pillar in their lives as well.

Perhaps you can first try confiding in them! It may give you insight as well as lighten the burden on your shoulders.

Also, as a fellow struggler of insomnia, here are some tips that helped me! My sleeping schedule is still unstable but these have been found to help me alot. May not apply to your situation exactly but I hope it helps some way or another.

1. Sleep Hygiene. Make sure to have a consistent sleeping schedule. Sleep at same or similar time everyday and avoid electronics at least 1-2 hours before. Try not to take afternoon naps after 3pm as it will affect your circadian rhythm.
2. Keep active in the day. May not necessarily need to be exercise but i find that it helps. (Of course don’t do it too close to bedtime lol). For me personally, if i do not accomplish something, I feel this sense of ‘unfulfillment’, like i did nothing for me to feel tired enough to go to bed for the night. This usually happens during days when I don’t gym, especially during my jobless era. Maybe this is what you’re feeling right now, since there’s this lack of excitement. You can try picking up a new hobby to “waste time” with! Learning language is a free and easy one! This can help with the “nothing new in life recently” part.
3. Take a warm shower before bed. If your body is too hot it can lead you struggling to sleep! Warming your skin temperature will cause your hypothalamus to reduce the internal core body temperature to maintain homeostasis, which can aid in you sleeping better.
4. If need be, have a snack to fill yourself up before bed. For me, i need to eat carbs to have that drowsy feeling, otherwise hunger pangs will keep me up all night.

Hope you’d be able to resolve your insomnia problem as well as “lack of fulfilment” problem soon! These are problems I relate to so often so I feel that I’m talking to a mirror of myself right now. Praying for all the best for you!

[Esmay]

Thank you for being so courageous to share this. Vulnerability is a strength!

I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. Sometimes, in life we do feel lonely because we’re the only people who understand ourselves! It sounds like you’re navigating a period of profound peace that, while generally positive, is also bringing up feelings of loneliness and restlessness. It’s understandable to feel a sense of emptiness or lack of purpose during times of calm, especially if the pace of life has slowed and you find yourself with a lot of time to reflect.

Like others here have said, it’s okay to feel uncertain and to seek out new ways to enrich your life. Remember that it’s a journey, and it’s perfectly normal to experience ups and downs along the way. Taking proactive steps to address your feelings can lead to a more fulfilling and balanced life.

I can relate with you personally as I have no friends (as of now) and I don’t get many texts often too but have learnt that I don’t need to depend on relationships to be satisfied.

I pray that the void in your heart is filled with love, joy and peace!

[ash.66]

hi, thank you for giving me advices. as you said you got out of your comfort zone by joining groups, communities and make new friends helped you getting out from the lonely feeling.

about that…i used to have lots of online friends and literally even irl friends that i would talk to everyday. i used to be the most extroverted person ever in these kind of situations.

but a lot have changed, its hard to even talk to people these days, and when i actually do talk to people online i would get overwhelmed by the thoughts of too much people to talk to, and the thoughts that i needed to talk to them everyday drained me. i have no motivation to reply to anyone’s texts after finally got to talk to someone.

i accidentally ghosted them for too long, when i came back they just said that they wouldnt want to talk to me anymore since even if they do accept to talk to me again, i would do this every month, like talking to them for 3 weeks then dissappears for one month. i wouldnt blame them to not talk to me anymore.

but here we go again, in my lonely state. idk whats wrong with me, ik this is pretty draining to read but im greatful someone atleast relate to me.

[ash.66]

thank you for your advices about insomnia, i will listen to your advices and try to do them step by step.

and to answer to your question “how often do you feel this way” atleast for 2 months now.
“was there something that happened in the past which may have affected you greatly?” yes. alot actually, primary school was a lot to me, especially on 6th grade i got bullied, BADLY. its a whole another story on that.

(6th grade) i basically have a lot of responsibilities at the time, i would walk to school, get bullied (such as getting my stuff hiden and taken by them, getting insults everyday even by the teacher, they would call me ugly, stupid etc.), walk back home, take care of my lil sis, take care of the house, my parents got home and they would yelled at me for being useless and not enough. i also was going through an exam at the time, and my results went down miserably because of the stress i had. i was really an introvert at the time, i was too scared to stand up for myself or tell anyone about it. i didnt have friends at the time.

a lot more stories about me in primary school being bullied, when i got to 7th grade and the early of this year (im 8th grade now) guys in my class would make fun of me for stuff i do, but im not as offended anymore since im pretty much numb about it, i now would stand up for myself of course. but still doesnt change the fact i would still feel a little overwhelmed by it.

and yeah thats about it to answer about my past. i have a lot more, i think i would be able to write a whole novel about it

[terravolt43]

Hey,

Yay! Hope some of the insomnia tips helps.

Seems to me you have a bit of trauma with regards to your primary school life. It must have been rough, I’m sorry that happened to you and I just want to say you’re really brave to have shared that and you were so tough to have persevered it out.

Personally, I too have also experienced childhood bullying. In the past it affected me a lot, and caused me to have really bad anger issues as well as pessimistic world view. I can’t speak for your case, but personally, I delved to self-improvement mindset stuff, with the goal of “flying above those that bullied me before”. It wasn’t healthy of course, because it came from a place of anger and hatred of wanting to one-up the people who once thought I was a loser. But it did help me cope.

What I can advice is talking to a Counsellor to explore these unresolved trauma(s). You mentioned you’re ‘pretty much numb’ about it, which is good as it did not turn into a crippling obsession, as in the case for some others. But it would still be good to receive a bit of aid to help you untangle the knots within your heart.

Given that it has been affecting you for 2 months already, you can try to talk to someone, be it a Clinical Psychologist/Counsellor or a close friend about it. Hopefully they can provide you some direction to help you walk through this dark tunnel.

I just want to comfort you with some of my own experiences: This dark period which you’re going through, it may feel endless right now, but just know that eventually one day, you’ll get out of this and look back and see your own improvement. All the best!!

[Kjj511]

Hi @ash.66 I hope you are feeling better now. I mean 3 close friends is good enough. Try to sleep at night and sleep earlier by taking insomnia pills. Just try to do things you enjoy more if you feel like your life is becoming a cycle. I hope this helps>

[BBFA]

That’s life when you’re a working adult.

[potatooo]

Hello @ash.66 ! Thanks for sharing how you’ve been feeling. I hope over the past few weeks, things have become a bit easier for you. I completely understand the struggle between life feeling too dramatic or too peaceful — I often find myself in that space too. It’s tough not knowing what’s coming next or how others might act, but unfortunately, those things are out of our control.

While I don’t experience insomnia frequently, my sleep schedule is pretty out of sync — I feel like a night owl most of the time, only getting to bed in the early morning hours. Lately, I’ve been trying to keep myself occupied with hobbies and find things to enjoy during my quiet time.

I’ve noticed that everyone seems to get caught up with their own lives, whether school or work, so sometimes the messages slow down. Perhaps, you could try to work on yourself now first such as finding a new hobby, and later or one day you would realise that it isn’t too bad I hope?

All the best and if you need a listening ear, feel free to pour your feelings out here