I am quite confused about myself.

I… well, I think hmm… let’s say that because of my past experiences of perhaps, being upset for so long, i think my brain has developed a way to “combat” it: to forget all the experiences that made me feel sad.

I think it just happened because ever since young, I’ve converted all of my negative emotions into sadness, and i would keep all of these emotions to myself (because er…I just feel that the people around me are incapable of helping me out. like, I’ve tried to talk about it to my mom, and I know she’s been trying to help me out, but I also know that she’s not very good at this aspect, so she wants to help me yes, but sometimes her words kind of hurt me instead of…yeah. my dad’s even worse at this xd) the only time i can “let it out” is at night when it’s time to sleep, where I would normally cry silently until i sleep. mm… yeah. i’m also an introvert? and i didn’t want to trouble anyone with my problems because sometimes i think, i get too negative and i certainly do not want to give my friends too much negativity. so yeah. my brain just acquired the ability to forget when i sleep and honestly, it did not only forget about the sad experiences, sometimes i forget about everything i did the previous day. i can try to remember things though! it just takes a lot of energy and time, so mm…

i’ve done some research and i suspect i have depression? uh but then again i cannot confirm, as i can continue my studies just fine. i can talk to my friend normally, i can smile, i can laugh… i feel normal yet not normal at the same time.

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Hi @yuyu, thanks for sharing your experiences. It sounds like you’ve developed coping mechanisms to deal with difficult emotions, but also you’ve been struggling silently for some time. While you’re able to manage your studies and social interactions, it’s important to address the emotional toll you’re experiencing, especially if you suspect it may be depression.

Seeking support from a mental health professional can provide clarity and help you develop healthier coping strategies. Remember, you don’t have to face this alone and reaching out for help is a brave step as you navigate through these challenges. Give us a call and let us help you: 1800-377-2252. Take care, :orange_heart:


Actually… this sounds like me. I’ve always thought that I was just forgetful but I’ve started noticing that the things I “forget” are negative experiences. It sounds like some sort of coping mechanism, would love to hear more from the therapists.

My partner always complains that I’m forgetful because my brain just chooses to “hide” these memories (along with other related memories). And I guess it’s not very helpful for heart-to-heart talks when we want to be vulnerable and go deep into our emotions because I just can’t remember.

I also have altered memories sometimes. For example, I will tell my partner that I felt a certain way during that incident (eg sad) but I will remember it differently after a couple of weeks. So I guess our memories are unreliable to some extent.

Also, if you suspect you have depression, maybe it’s best to get it checked by a professional. Don’t over rely on internet research haha

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Hello @yuyu,

Thanks for coming on and sharing about your struggles with your sadness and depressed mood. I want to also commend you on your self-awareness in terms of identifying what you’re going through and given your situation, what you were feeling and thinking are valid too. I hear you about the depressed mood, and it does not need to reach clinical levels for a diagnosis for you to experience some of the symptoms (e.g., negative thinking, sadness for an extended period, helplessness, etc.). We also do not want your ability to cope to be too overwhelmed before you consider professional support.

Again I wanna commend you for reaching out here as well as your attempts to disclose with your parents (although I’m sorry to hear that the experience wasn’t as positive as I’d guessed you’d hope for), as well as trying to maintain a positive demeanour despite the inner turmoil that you’re going through :people_hugging: At the same time, it feels like you’ve developed a coping mechanism whereby it sounds like you dissociate or disconnect when you ‘forget’ as a way to manage your mood although at the expense of forgetting other things too. :pensive: There are cases where the mind dissociates to cope with the overwhelming stress from an actual traumatic experience or even with distressing memories.

You mentioned thinking this happened since you were young - I wonder if something happened just about when this started for you? If we see this experience of your depressed mood as a way to cope, what sort of a need is not being met/neglected/taken away from you? Would there be people you feel safe and comfortable with to disclose to - perhaps a school counsellor or a trusted friend?

Although it is life’s condition and human nature to be sometimes both “normal and not normal at the same time” but it should be during certain times and within your ability to tolerate difficult emotions and coping healthily. Perhaps to help with the distress, you can try to bolster your mood by doing activities that you enjoy, continue to engage in social activities (as we’re still social creatures and to prevent further isolation), being kind to yourself, and shifting (to a more helpful) perspective. While this might help with your experience in the meantime, it helps to work on any underlying issues that might be maintaining the depressed mood if not addressed. Perhaps you can consider reaching out should you feel like engaging professional help in a supportive and non-judgmental manner:

  • Samaritans of Singapore (1-767)
  • Family Service Centres
  • James Cook University Clinic
  • NIE Wellness Centre
  • NUS Clinical & Health Psychology Centre

You are a strong person and you can also get help. Remember that you deserve and can get the necessary support you need. I look forward to hearing from you - till then, take care! :slightly_smiling_face:


oh! yeah! my friend also realised i forget really frequently and sometimes i’ll forget about what we’re talking about in the middle of the conversation :smiling_face_with_tear: but sometimes when uhh, when we talk about me and how i’m feeling, he’ll keep on asking why and i would have to dig further into my brain to think. i mean, i guess i could understand myself more at that time being, but now… i forgot it all again oops :face_holding_back_tears: all i can remember is that it takes a lot of energy for me to “dig into my memories” and i get tired really easily.

and yeah! i agree, i think i’ve also altered my memory before. like for example, i’ve always thought that my primary school experience is stressful and sad, but then recently I’ve came across a notebook where the primary school kid me went to find for teachers and classmates to write a note for me in p6 graduation. when i read it omg it sounds so wholesome and happy and i felt so happy because everyone seemed to think of me as a kind, helpful, smart friend and some even look up to me!!! haha :melting_face: i wonder why brain alteration happens.

lastly, yeah, i’ve talked about seeking help from a professional to my mom and we went to book an appointment last year. i think the appointment is going to be on april? i’m not very sure anymore ahaha >~< i feel like this coping mechanism wouldn’t be really good for me as sometimes, i also forget memories related to my studies and happy things that has happened to me. and thank you for sharing! i appreciate it :blush:

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oh oh! thank you! hmm hmm mmn i can’t really remember that much but i know that there was a period of time where i’ve cried at least once, every single day.

and um i also forgot but i feel like i’ve been crying silently for so long i don’t know how people can cry loudly with the wah wah sounds. during that period of time, mm well i’m the kind of person where the more i think about the sad thing, the more sad i will be.

and i didnt have friends who knows how to listen to people. like, whenever i confide in them about my feelings on a certain matter, they’ll change the topic really quickly and yeah… i’ve realised that the friend was rather toxic and i didn’t like how she was treating me. for eg she told me once that she’s only cruel/rude to me because i’m close to her, and that she could only be herself around me. we were in the same school but she dropped out bc she couldn’t keep up with the syllabus (more like she just never studied and listened in class so… :face_holding_back_tears: i’ve tried to help her and study together but it didn’t seem to help. i mean, she didn’t even seem like she wants to help herself on this so , i couldn’t help her too.) so yeah and bc we live so far away, we just talked over social media. and i told her that i would never block someone unless they are scammers/ someone i hate very very much. and she , she blocked me once for fun and when i wanted to say hi to her, she’s like “aHa, i wonder who this blocked message is from” or something, i can’t really remember. but she sounded so smug about it, i got a bit annoyed. nevertheless, i decided to give her a chance bc people aren’t perfect! just wanted to give her a chance to change but she blocked me again the second time because i told her i got new friends and she’s like, really jealous about it. she would literally ask me if she’s my top 1 in my heart and it’s annoying how she always need to find for someone else to tell me about what she felt instead. while blocking me at the same time. i just feel like she should just straight up tell me about what she felt instead of getting another person because i felt really bad. the other person is literally working and studying in uni at the same time :face_holding_back_tears: i guess she don’t know how to express about her feelings straight up to the person ig. and she will always trash talk about herself even when i always tell her not to, that its not true. she just keeps on saying so much about her being trash that i cant even bother anymore. perhaps it sounds a bit harsh but i have my limits too o-o i just feel like… 3 years of talking trash of herself is too much… like, if she thinks she’s fat for like 3 years+, if she don’t like how she look like now, stop lamenting for 3 years!! start action. :smiling_face_with_tear: so yeah i’ve stopped finding for her for months now though i would still reply to her if she finds me o-o just not as enthusiastic as before anymore.

um right i got a bit off topic but yeah normally when i have time to think about sad things that has happened on that day, it’s normally at night when i can’t sleep (bc i normally take 30min to fall asleep and in the 30min, i would think about things that has happened and i will reflect on myself) so yeah… in the end i just cry myself to sleep. o-o

i think a need that has been taken away from me, well… i just think that, from sec 1 till now, i’ve just never heard my parents praising me before. they would always use pressure to push me to do better and would always compare me to the better kids in school. last time, when i did better than before, and i tell them about my marks happily, my mom would always be like “what’s the highest marks in the whole cohort?” or, “how much did your friend get?” meanwhile, my dad doesn’t care about my academics. i think one year ago, he said something like he’s just given up on me and um :face_holding_back_tears: i am so sad.

i feel like, sure pressuring a kid to do better might be a good way, but too much just … i think i get anxious whenever exams come near and whenever results are out, my feelings are like, numbed. if i get relatively good marks, i wouldnt feel very happy and if i get marks below my expectation, i wouldnt feel disappointed too cause i suppose, i just expected that i would do terribly :face_holding_back_tears:

thankfully currently i got like 2 good friends that i think are rather close to me!! i have someone to confide in and ummm well, he might not be the best but he’ll give suggestions and ways i can solve my issue. i appreciate it but i sometimes feel like words are so easy to say but actions are not as easy to do. lol. but maybe bc we came from diff families and had different experiences, he’ll find some things easy but i’ll find it hard instead. like for example, he says i should get a positive mindset and i also know i should, but i don’t know how to. and sometimes when i say things in a certain way, he’ll be like “instead of saying it like this, you should say it like that.” sometimes he does it so much i felt pressurised and that he’s expecting so much of me i don’t think i can live up to his expectations, :face_holding_back_tears:. but i talked to him about it! other than that, he’s a really cool friend and yeah cares for me. my other friend! she’s so cool too! she’s very admirable and we’ll share about interesting things that has happened to us; she’ll also confide in me because she thinks i’m a safe person to talk to; she also supports me!!! i find for her whenever i need help w my studies. she also finds for me when she needs help too, like for chemistry.
i think these two friends are so good because both motivates me to study and good memories are being created because of them so i’m very grateful of them to be willing to be my friend :pleading_face: i feel so lucky to have met the both of them.

yes, i feel like i should be kind to myself too but i don’t know how to do that. i’m struggling to do that but nowadays i suppose i’m not being as negative about myself than before already! i’m trying to improve myself (although i’m really really slow on this) in the future, i hope that i would be able to love myself and become an independent woman who’s charming and cool www , where i can pursuit a job that i’m interested in, where i can wear any pretty clothes i like and be confident in it, where i can finally stop caring so obsessively about other’s opinions on me, and focus more on my opinion on me.

on another side note, i’ve been thinking of being a psychologist when i grow up because i want to learn more about myself and maybe learn the ways of self healing if i still did not manage to do so. i also want to help others who have mental illnesses too because i don’t wish for them to be like me, getting troubled and not knowing how to help themselves. but apparently my friend says that taking a psychology major is really risky as some people might not even get a job after 1 year of graduation. mm… i’m not very sure on this and would like to see if anyone has comments on this? (tbh another good point he has made is the fact that i’m strong enough emotionally and mentally to accept patients who have serious mental illnesses because i’ve heard about psychologists getting depression after treating the patients…? mm…i’m not sure, all i know is that psychology fascinates me and i find it so interesting to know about how the mind works and all.)

thank you once again for the reply :blush: :heart:

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