Lately I’ve been bed rotting. To further explain, these past few weeks have been me sitting in bed without eating from time to time, or even taking showers. I hear my grandmother nag at me for being lazy and stupid for not helping her out around the house, but I can’t explain that i can’t control my body, and would just dismiss me and my mental health completely.
On the side note, there are times where I binge eat so much food, or I don’t eat at all for a whole day. I’ve been gaining so much weight lately and I don’t know how to stop.
The two do not go well together, with the eating problems and in bed all day long. I’ve been up all night too, which is another major problem going on. I barely am getting sleep. I don’t know why. Nothing is bothering me, but I can’t sleep.
One last thing- I can’t stop hitting my head. My head hurts so much, and I hit it with my palm to make it stop. It’s like a migraine. I hate it so much.
I don’t know what to do. And I can’t stop. Please, I need advice on this.
Hi @r.riaaazz,
Thank you for being so open and honest about everything you’re experiencing. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like you’re carrying a heavy load, and it’s clear you’ve been managing it largely on your own. The feelings of being overwhelmed, disconnected, and at odds with yourself are completely valid, especially when there’s a strong sense of self-criticism and pressure.
It’s not uncommon for someone who’s been highly self-critical — or who has felt that judgment from others — to develop ways of coping that feel intense or self-directed. It sounds like you might feel exhausted from always trying to meet expectations, whether they’re your own or those of others. This can make it harder to feel in control and lead to behaviors that, while they might feel relieving in the moment, add to the cycle of frustration and self-criticism over time.
Let’s consider how to start creating more alignment in how you feel, think, and act, so you can begin to experience a sense of peace and perhaps reduce how you are hitting your head.
- It sounds like you’re often tough on yourself; recognizing when these self-critical thoughts come up and gently challenging them could help. You don’t have to be flawless, and each small step matters. Sometimes, thoughts that say “I should be better” can soften into something more compassionate, like, “I’m doing my best in a tough situation.”
- Feelings of exhaustion, sadness, and even anger are all responses to carrying so much on your own. Allowing yourself to acknowledge these feelings as natural reactions — without pushing them away — can be a way to honor what you’re going through. Even if it’s difficult, just recognizing that your emotions make sense can reduce the pressure of trying to change them immediately.
- Small, manageable routines could help you feel more in control, starting with things that don’t demand too much but still bring a sense of purpose, like getting out of bed, having a glass of water, or engaging in something grounding, even for a few minutes. By gradually reintroducing these actions, you’re giving yourself a chance to build stability without overwhelming yourself.
Practical Steps
- Gentle Self-Compassion: Try speaking to yourself as you would to a close friend, acknowledging that you’re facing difficult moments and that it’s okay to struggle. This could help ease the hyper-criticism and remind you that your experiences are valid.
- Create Small Moments of Choice: Look for moments where you can make choices that feel more aligned with how you want to treat yourself. These can be tiny steps, like deciding to drink a glass of water or listening to soothing music. Small acts like these reinforce that you’re worthy of care and help you build congruence in actions and self-perception.
- Reframing Perfection: Remember, “good enough” can be powerful. Perfection is exhausting and often unattainable, but when you allow yourself to simply be “enough,” you reduce the intensity of self-criticism and make room for small successes.
You’re making an important step just by exploring this. These changes don’t happen overnight, but each small step adds up, helping you regain a feeling of stability and self-acceptance. Thank you for allowing me to be part of this journey with you.
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