hello there, i wanted to know what’s wrong with me and if you could help with the things i’m struggling right now it would be so helpful. i don’t really know if it’s depression or not, however i couldn’t seem to forget the things happened for me in the past that really traumatized me.
sometimes no matter how hard i try to get better, i even try to do things i love. i always found myself back thinking about my past and it really bringing me back down again. suddenly i don’t have no any motivation to do anything anymore.
even with the people i love the most, i would always found myself so obsessed with them and at some point i would feel like i hate them and tried to push them away.
i also always tend to sleep my problems away and then they would turned into a nightmares and it made me feel anxious all the time, sometimes it made me feel like i wanted to die.
i could never found myself live in peace and everyday i would feel like i was in fear, anxious and emotional everytime. so please if anyone could help me. I’m begging. Thankyou very much 
Hi @solcatto thanks for opening up to us over here it must have not been easy for you 
Im here to listen !
Are you okay to share what about the past has been bothering you ? Maybe we can get some context?
Hi @solcatto
Thanks for reaching out about your struggles. I wanna let you know what you’re feeling and going through is valid given what you went through. I also wanna let you know that your approach of getting better by doing the things you love is commendable too! You mentioned something that happened in the past, I wonder if you had the opportunity to have spoken about it before? I’m curious to know more if you’re willing to share too.
It sounds like something traumatising replays in your mind, like you’re kinda stuck in this state that you can’t forget those thoughts. Our brain is wired in a way that we remember negative events more saliently so that we can anticipate danger and respond to it to keep ourselves safe. It’s as if you’re viewing the actions of others through a darkened lens, perhaps not consciously. I also wonder if this plays into your actions of obsessing and pushing away people close to you? On one hand you want to be close and safe around people, and on another hand, people might be dangerous so you might keep them at a distance and won’t be hurt…
I can hear how your mood is currently affected, and it seems to be happening for quite some time. The signs you’re experiencing like feeling down, not motivated to do things, nightmares, anxious, thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore – do sound like those of someone with depressed mood.
In the meantime, I wonder if you’ve tried other ways to help you cope with your emotions? To at least build some tolerance to kinda buffer the effects before it gets too overwhelming, perhaps can try the below:
• Being mindful
• Being kind to yourself
• Shifting (to a more helpful) perspective
At the same time, you can also consider professional support from Family Service Centres as they also offer a safe space to process your emotions in a non-judgmental manner and to build ways to help you cope better. Remember that you deserve and can get the necessary support you need! And I hope to hear from you again as we’re here to support you. Take care 
thankyou for answering me.
yes, i did get to talk with people about my past but they also seem not to understand the situations i’ve been through. So, they could only listen and keep me company.
About my past, is a relationship i’ve had with a guy and i seem to mistaken the toxic relationship we had are love. He would treat me with so much kindness and affection, then he would try to manipulate my feelings so many times while i gave him the love that he deserves. I gave him chances all over again and he would try to hurt me back. At the same time, I found myself very attached to him and I feel like i’ve been enjoying the toxicity he’s been giving to me. Because it felt like he’s the only person i feel i can rely to and understand me the most.
However, i already left him last year and i seem to get better since we’re not talking anymore. he only kept appearing in my dreams which is annoying and it really ruined my mental health again because i remembered about him. also, about pushing people away, i seem to teach myself not to do it anymore because i know some people were also really kind and sincere to be with me.
Although, I’ve been doing pretty much better again nowadays. Thankyou so much for the help offering and i will absolutely try to do with how to cope my emotion. Because I really wanted to get better 
.
Hey @solcatto thanks for sharing ! Its not easy moving on from any relationship and I am glad to see that you have come out stronger from this experience 
Happy to see that you are taking things step by step too
Just remember if you ever need a listening ear we are here 
Hey, @solcatto! Just to let you know, I have also suffered from this, so you ain’t alone. I haven’t fully recovered from this ordeal yet, but I have significantly calmed down in comparison to the past week. What I suggest you to do is just talk to somebody. I don’t know if it applies to you, but talking to people more just makes me feel less anxious that I get obsessed with them, since I’m being genuine and truthful, so all of these intrusive thoughts, which is what you’re probably having, practically disappear for a while. It’ll improve your mindset, and although the optimism cannot fight the pessimism sometimes, it’s a great way to keep yourself away from these thoughts and to feel relief for that short while. Do try to just let the thought slip by like a leaf falling into a ground, too!
I know it may be incredibly hard for you, but don’t give up mate! You aren’t alone with this!
Thanks for sharing @solcatto! It’s definitely not easy moving on from a relationship. I’ve had a couple of failed relationships myself but I guess time heals all wounds. You’ll come to a point in your life where this relationship is just a speck of dust amongst all the wonderful experiences you will enjoy.