I excessively seek validation

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This is going to be repulsive so here’s a psa

I self sabotage myself, purposefully force myself to isolate, make myself feel sadder on purpose. I feel like through these means, will I finally attain love and care. I would even go as far as to think about suicide. It makes me feel like I have a semblance of self worth. It makes me feel like im worthy of care and support. Sometimes, I exaggerate my problems too. I seek validation at my very core.

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Hi @okay

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through such a difficult time, and I appreciate you sharing your feelings with us. I can see that you’re experiencing a deep need for care and validation and I want to assure you that these feelings of wanting to be validated are indeed valid. Sometimes when we self-sabotage and isolate ourselves, they can indeed be coping mechanisms, but there are healthier ways to seek support and connection.

For example, you could reaching out to friends, family, or a mental health professional who can provide a more constructive and supportive outlet for your feelings. You can also share with them about your need for validation and explain to them how you would like to be validated. In some ways, you can also share your love language with them and ask them to show you love and care through that language that you feel loved.

Please also do try out this activity, which can help to build worthiness - Mental Support & Wellbeing Resources in Singapore to Improve Your Mental Health | mindline.sg

It’s also important to know that if it starts to feel overwhelming for you, please contact either of these numbers to get assistance immediately :

You deserve care and understanding, and you don’t have to go through this process alone. We’re here to support you.

Please let us know how you’re coping and if you’ve managed to speak to any mental health professional so far. Hear from you soon.

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hi, i am not sure how this all started, but i feel like there was something significant that happened to either a) cause me to do this or b) exacerbate my need for attention.

i used to have a crush on someone older than me. they were a teacher, and i was a minor. now i would like to make this clear, they did not harass or groom me. they really didn’t.

i tried to get our relationship to be closer (not in a romantic way or anything) by getting them to care for me. i began isolating myself from my classmates. i began to appear moody and sad. the teacher was concerned. i guess all i wanted from them was validation.

honestly, i was also struggling with my sexuality then. i felt like i faking it. so i forced myself to continue liking the teacher, in order to ‘prove’ myself by some nebulous mean.

I’m sorry if that made you uncomfy. Bye bye.

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Hi @okay

Thank you for sharing with us more details about what’s been going on for you. I appreciate the honesty and I commend you for that.

I hear that your past feelings for the older person / teacher also contributed to your need for validation and you also experienced struggles with your sexual identity as well. I want to affirm you that these feelings of confusion and frustrations and the need for validation are completely normal and it happens to all of us too.

We may not know the exact reason for the strong desires for validation, but I’m glad that you are aware of it and you can now work towards managing it in a safe and healthy manner. When it comes to proving yourself or needing validation, it’s always good to have some form of self-affirming or self-validating stand as the foundation of who we are. This means that for a start, instead of seeking validation from external environment such as people around us, we should try to validate our own self internally.

Self-validation is a foundational aspect of building a healthy sense of self-worth and confidence. Here are some strategies to help you validate yourself:

  1. Practice Self-Compassion:
  • Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during difficult times.
  • Acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes, and it’s okay not to be perfect.
  1. Positive Affirmations:
  • Use positive affirmations to challenge negative thoughts and reinforce positive beliefs about yourself.
  • For example, say things like “I am worthy,” “I am capable,” or “I deserve happiness.”
  1. Focus on Strengths:
  • Identify your strengths and talents. Acknowledge and appreciate what you excel at.
  • Use your strengths to overcome challenges and build your confidence.
  1. Learn from Mistakes:
  • Instead of dwelling on mistakes, view them as opportunities for growth and learning.
  • Analyze what went wrong, find lessons, and apply them to future situations.

Last but not least, if you can, please do reach out to a mental health professional who can help to facilitate the process of self-validation and help you build your sense of self. Remember that self-validation is a process, and I encourage you to recognize that your worth is not determined by the opinions or approval of others.

Let us know if you’ve managed to speak to a counsellor or someone who can process this further with you? We’ll be here to support you. Hear from you soon.