I feel left out in school/class

Hangouts Student Life
1

I might have started sec 3 the wrong way… my class isnt exactly the best… me and my friends are also all separated into different classes… soo when everyone had their own clique in sec 3, i was left to jumping around to different groups trying to fit in.. Making it worse, theres quite a handful of well liked people in my cohort that kinda dislike me so i guess they spread rumors.. making my classmate have bad impressions of me before they met me.

Anyways now in sec 4, things are just worse. As said in my previous post, me and my ex brokeup. So no one could really “protect” me from all these. Which makes me very vulnerable to people that dislike my guts. Well taking that opportunity, rumours and leaks just spread… and well yk how people are like.. they only listen to one pov.. and lets just say.. im not the strongest soldier when it comes to battling judgements and critisism. Sooo that alongside the rumours, it just makes my classmates wanna scoot away from me.

There are many instances when teacher wants us to do group work and people will discuss about groupings infront of my face. And when they needed another member, theyll add someone that isnt their friend btw. So ill just be alone. Sometimes my teacher will insist on groupwork and force me into a group. Well the “whatt noo” “ughh” will just appear softly. Other times teacher wont even realise that i dont have a group. And when i submit individual work, theyll pretend not to see my work and skip past it. My form teacher btw.

And theres a student that has the same english name and surname as me. So we are called by our chinese name (well i am called by my chinese name). Lets just call her first name jane, surname doe (idk… i love Ride the cyclone) for anonymity. I’m always compared with her siliently. Shes smart like rly smart, shes pretty, shes slim, shes sporty, shes basically everything im not. Ugh I envy her in a good way. Her and her ex still like each other and are willing to talk it out, classmates are willing to include her, everyone is willing to help her in something she needs help in, even people call her by her english name. Mind you her chinese name is first then her english name. Mines opposite. Anyways. She’s class chairperson this year (shes doing amazing as a class chairperson. Leadership was made for her) And somehow everyone starts calling her jane. And ofc thats also my english name so I will react. But when I react, people just get pissed that i react?? Theyll be like “ omg we are not calling you its obvi that we are calling her bru” it just hurts. I hate my chinese name so much… it just gets made fun of all the time even when i tell them to stop… why does she get to not be made fun of for her chinese name AND be called by her english name instead… EVEN teachers are calling her that. Form teacher everything. Its already bad that in sec 3 when im class committee, no one wanted to be in my group. Itll be soo awkward when the class chair was like “ raise your hands if you wanna be in her group” and no one raises their hand. And now this? It just made me loose my sense of belonging wayyy more than necessary…

To make things worse, my form teachers and my class just loves forgetting about my existance. Like today. My form teacher was RIGHT IN FRONT of me when i was in the hall. And yk what he said when i was leaving the hall after being dismissed to class. “Since when youre here. I never see you” what? Once when i was absent (that day was gather in class) he didnt realise i was not in class until CCE lesson. And i can skip litterally any lesson i want and non of my classmates nor teachers will realise im missing. Like ive done that for 2 pe lessons (cause i was crashing out) and 1 cce lesson (counselling ses) and no one realised i was gone. I feel like a ghost floating by in class…. I feel like i shouldnt exist in class..

1 Like
2

hey @Eoeoe, thank you for sharing all of that. it takes a lot of courage to open up about sth so vulnerable. i hear how painful school has been for you, and i’m really sorry that you’ve been made to feel so left out, judged, and invisible.

it’s already hard enough navigating school when you feel like you don’t have a stable group of friends, but to also have people spreading rumours and forming impressions before they even know you… honestly that just sucks. and the part about your teacher overlooking you… that really hurts to read. it must feel so invalidating to literally be right there, yet feel unseen again and again :cry:. your teacher really shouldn’t have said that, even if he/she didn’t mean it with any ill intent. you deserve to be acknowledged.

i also really feel you on the constant comparison with the other student, esp since you both share the same name. it’s not just about her, but about the way you’re treated in contrast. how people call her by her (preferred) english name with respect and warmth, while you’re left with a name that you dislike. and when you do automatically react to your own name, people act like you’re the problem, like you’re not even entitled to respond. that kind of daily micro-hurt really builds up :pensive_face:… and i get that it’s not even her fault – she’s smart, capable, doing a great job, and you can’t even be mad at her for being who she is. that makes it even harder, because the pain isn’t about jealousy or resentment, but about how invisible you feel in comparison. like you’re standing right there but still somehow in her shadow. and that’s such a lonely place to be in. it makes total sense that your sense of belonging has taken such a huge hit.

i want to emphasise: you are NOT a ghost, even if the people around you make you feel like one. i see you. your presence, your feelings, your voice – they matter. and please remember: you are not the problem. the way others treat you is a reflection of THEM, not you or your worth.

there are people who care about you, even if they’re not in your class. please keep hanging in there :heart_with_arrow:

3 Likes
3

Hi @Eoeoe firstly thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing with us :’ it doesn’t sound easy to be shouldering all of that on your own and please don’t say that you shouldn’t exist in class :’ although I may not fully understand what you are going through please know that you are definitely loved and seen by someone and I have no idea why your classmates are acting this way but that shouldn’t make you feel less okays you are more than anything they say and if you need support or just someone to talk too please feel free to reach out okays! I hope things get better for you :‘’

2 Likes
4

Its sad to say that in real life regardless if its school life, work life or adulthood. We always have a forgotten group of people around in the society.

And many times they belongs to the sandwich class or the average people.

The best and the worse performer always gets attention.

And in School life very often the teach will not bother to pay attention to students that is between the top 10 and bottom 10 scorers or the top 10 and bottom 10 of the best and worse behaviour.

Honestly…there are things that you can try to do to get the teacher’s attention.

  1. Confront them directly and tell them you feel that you are being left out.
  2. Volunteer to help them such as if you see them carry a lot of stuff, you can just walk over and offer help.
  3. Stay behind at the end of school while everyone else left the classroom and the teacher is still around. And try to start a conversation with them. Do note that life is not only stressful for students its also the same for teachers, so they will be happy if there is someone they can talk to. But pls only do this with teacher of the same gender.

Honestly …during my school days i am the alien in class too, all my classmate went to find jobs and work together but they didnt ask if i am keen. And they went out chasing idols together without me. And also like you say, no one want to do group projects with me. but still end of the day i manage to strike a conversation with one of the so call strictest teacher because i keep missing classes. Which that alone makes the entire class envy. Trust me, i dont really care about my classmates and i find what they do most of the time is lame and immature. I am just as happy as long as i have 1 “friend” once in the while out of the entire class of 37 students.

For group projects i let the teach to the job of grouping. I know most dont like to be part of their group. But who cares, since if possible later i will just do the project on my own. And my solo project the best score project among the rest.

Still…end of the day, everyone is different. No point burying your uniqueness for the sake of blending in with others.

If you have issues with bullying or being made fun of in class, do let the teacher know. If you have issues with the teacher, well…feel free to walk into the principal’s office and confined your thought to them, its their job to make sure every student is ok, they dont get pay to seat in the office and do nothing. If they really does that, there is always MOE HQ.

Just learn the art of escalation, resource management and organisation structure, and trust me, you will be way better than your class chairperson. A leader that dont know these is nothing.

One thing in life you need to know is that there are 2 types of people, one that is spoon-fed and gets everything they need with little effort, and one that knows how to hunt, the one that looks for everything they need. Since most of your classmates are spoon-fed, you can excel by being the one who knows how to hunt.

2 Likes
5

Ahaha thanks for your reply :)) sadly one of my form teacher is my POA teacher and my EAE mentor and i do approach her alot. But i think she have bad memories of students stalking her so she doesnt really like to form close bonds with students. (She was also absent for most of last year cause she was pregnant) The other form teacher that is more present in class, hes kinda old so he doesnt really understand the newer generation… I was very proactive in class last year (before and during my role) as i am trusted with the role of being an ict rep for my class so the proactive one doesnt really work. Ive tried confronting the teachers diractly too but all i got was a “dont be too sensitive dont take things to heart” well… yaaa thanks for your suggestions tho it wouldve been alot more helpful for the start of the year me :))

1 Like
6

Hello! Am a little late, but I just want to say that it is so important that you exist, that you’re seen and respected. And I’m sorry it sounds like school just hasn’t been the place for you to receive that.

It’s easy to say don’t take it to heart. But the hurtful acts done still exist, and it doesn’t just disappear or go away for you. It sucks that you’ve been told that and I see how the experiences you have are hurtful.

I hear that you do have good friends but not in the same class. It reminds me of when I was in school — our friend group was in that situation too. We would remember the days our recess aligned and made sure to meet up after school. I wonder about how you’ve been keeping in touch with them?

And I say this not to say that the bad stuff doesn’t matter not at all! But I hear you — you need something that you can work with now. Building up a bank of positive experiences and helping you feel connected and sure of yourself helps you ride through these tough times, especially when your teachers are limited in their ability to support you.

What does a possible routine to keep connected and build up some good experiences daily look like for you?

2 Likes
7

Aahahha youre not late at all thank you for the kind words:)) sadly my friend from the other class and my class do not share much breaks compared to other classes. I would say we share bout 3 out of the 10 breaks we have in a week. Additionally, their class 3 out of the 5 days end at a different timing soo yaaa despite the unfortunate arrangements, we do try our best to forge good memories but its really rare

2 Likes
8

Well…you are already in sec 4 and its already June.

Just focus on your studies. In about 4 months time you will be out of the school and move to another school with a brand new environment away from all the toxic people.

Just study hard and get good grades. the rest dont really matter. Since its the grades that going to decide where you are heading, not your classmates nor your teachers.

I know you feel left out, but hang in there, just another 4 months to go.

Dont purposely try to blend in with others, sometimes, the more you try to get close to them, the more they will reject you. Just them out of your picture and treat them invisible and spend quality time with your former classmate during recess and after school.

2 Likes
9

hey Eoeoe,
I resonate with what you said in the first paragraph. I was also jumping around different groups trying to fit in. People made rumours about me. There was a really popular nice girl who apparently hates me, which made me think if there’s smth wrong with me since she is so likeable and everyone is friends with her. At first, I tried to ignore the rumours. But deep down I know it was affecting me and my studies. I was brave to talk to my teacher about it. After talking to her, I came to a conclusion that people who spread rumours don’t know the life I lived. They were merely there in a point in my life. They don’t know what I’m going through. You need to find out who you are. your likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, your values and boundaries. I know it sounds cliche to just say be yourself when you might not even know who you are. But try. Try out new things. Cultivate hobbies. Once you know the kind of person you are, the rumours won’t affect you because these people’s opnions don’ t matter in the long run. What matters is what you think about yourself.
I’m still on this journey of finding more about myself and maybe you should too. Focus on yourself. Learn more about who you are.

2 Likes
10

also about the invisible thing, I’ve been there too. Just know that you aren’t alone. You have friends who will support you. I’m supporting you too!!!

2 Likes