Dear @user7009
Thank you for writing in to share what has happened recently. What you’re feeling makes a lot of sense. You come across as a gentle, kind and polite person. Unfortunately some people mistake kindness and politeness as weaknesses and take advantage of these qualities. It is not your fault or doing.
With your colleague, being slapped on the shoulder, talked down to, and guilt-tripped is not acceptable behaviour. I see these acts as overstepping professional and personal boundaries. Understandably, you felt shocked and uneasy. For your safety, I encourage you to keep your distance, stay professional and limit interactions to work matters only.
Doing that is a necessary protective response. Do also consider writing out about all incidents and bring up to your company’s Human Resources. Speaking up may help in highlighting likely breaches of employee code of conduct.
With the second guy, you told him upfront that you only wanted a platonic relationship and asked him not to touch you. Despite that he continued to question, pressure, mock, and touch you. That is not respectful nor acceptable, especially when you already warned him. I gather how emotionally unsafe you must be feeling. Anyone in your shoes will feel similarly. The man has blatantly and repeatedly ignored boundaries and hides wrongful actions behind words such as “trust” or “no bad intention.”
It makes sense that you have been feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and even physically unwell.
Please know that you have every right to feel safe. You do not need grant access to anyone who makes you uncomfortable, does not respect your wishes and oversteps clear set boundaries. In this situation, cutting contact with the second guy is a healthy act of self-respect.
Please be assured your kindness is your strength, not a weakness. However when others take advantage of your kindness, you have every right to defend yourself.