I just cannot speak up

Whenever I’m alone, there’s always so much on my mind and can sometimes just get frustrating. I do use self harm to cope with all the overbearing feelings and thoughts.

My parents always notice me when I’m down cuz generally I try to be happy around them, I don’t wanna make them worry. At the same time though, I also don’t want them to ask about me.

It sounds so weird but it’s always so hard to speak up about whatever is on my mind.
Especially to my parents. It’s so confusing to me, they should be my most trusted adults but whenever they ask me, I just can’t say it out. Its like I know what’s going on in my head but whenever asked, my mind just goes blank.

I’m not sure if it’s just because I find them judgemental. I feel like whenever I share my problems with them, they think that it’ll go away by itself in a while and I’ll be back to normal. I can’t talk to my parents, occasionally even my counsellor.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Sometimes it makes me feel like all those thoughts are just made up and don’t exist at all, cuz why would my mind go blank right after I was thinking about it like a while ago.
I feel like I’m just overreacting and all this ■■■■ were created by me.


Thanks for sharing your concerns @Giraffesarecute (yes, giraffes are really cute :giraffe:)

I think it’s completely normal to blank out and lose your train of thoughts. Especially when you don’t feel 100% comfortable. Like you say, maybe it’s really because your parents are too quick to judge then you’ll feel like say already you also won’t understand. And you don’t bother saying it anymore.

But if you really want to communicate with your parents - a good way is to write it out. Leave some messages and make it clear that you want to communicate that way (so you have time to think about what you want to tell them)

Maybe they’ll be less judgmental after they read about what you go through.

Hi @Giraffesarecute,

Thank you for finding the courage to share about your struggles here. I want to commend you for having the self-awareness to reach out to cope (it sounds like you’re also seeing a counsellor). I also hear you coping with the distress through self-harm and I hope you’re also open to other ways to manage your feelings and accompanying thoughts in a way that is kinder to yourself.

I don’t think it’s weird for you to feel judged by your parents given how they’re one of your main support systems, but I guess the distress you have doesn’t get resolved after speaking to them. Perhaps you going blank is your mind’s way of responding to a situation where you feel there’s no difference to opening up or not. So perhaps if you feel acknowledged and heard, you could be more comfortable to share the thoughts in your mind, and having people you can check-in with or look out for you. :slightly_smiling_face:

I wonder if you’ve had the opportunity to have an open conversation with your parents about the situation - one where everyone’s not in a rush or distracted to enable them to hear your thoughts using I statements: I think/feel … because… and I would prefer that (what you would like to see happen instead). This way, you can get your concerns across and in a manner that your parents can listen and understand clearly. And perhaps, that can clear the way for y’all to meet halfway to create a win-win situation, with everyone feeling comfortable with the outcome. Maybe this is something you can bring up with your counsellor, who can then facilitate going through the scenario where you look to share with your parents. Remember that you deserve and can get the support you need! Hope to hear from you, take care! :slightly_smiling_face:

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Hello @Giraffesarecute. I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through such a difficult time. It’s important to recognize that your feelings and struggles are valid, and reaching out for support is a brave step. It can be challenging to communicate with parents or others about what you’re experiencing. If talking directly feels difficult, consider writing down your thoughts in a letter or journal. You may find it helpful to share this written expression with a counselor or a trusted friend.

If you’re not comfortable talking to your parents or counselor, there are helplines and mental health professionals available who can provide support anonymously. Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, and there are people who genuinely care about your well-being. You don’t have to navigate these feelings alone. Take care, :orange_heart: