yeah this is kinda a continuation of my previous post i guess. one term has passed and ill say that my previous issue has partially been solved, i have made a few friends in my current class after transferring which we do communicate with each other often which im very glad for. now currently my issue is related to my course, for a start, its requirements is quite low, like its 2x my o lvl score. i know im not supposed to assume but yk if the course has lower requirement people who slacks and like touches the line of the law will be more in the course. poly is about tryna make connections and making memories, how am i supposed to do that when i dont fw these type of people. i know that im not supposed to generalise my entire course but i cant help it at this point. i entered this course knowing all these would happen but i didnt know it would be this bad, or at least my mind made it this bad. everyone says that my course is the easiest one in my school, but its the holidays now and i have an assignment from all of the modules while the other supposedly harder ones only have 1. i feel damn overwhelmed right now , i dont want to start on my assignments cuz i dont have the mood. i keep thinking about what if i had chosen the other courses, maybe the people there would be better and the assignments are easier, and this leads me spiraling down for the entire day. i see my friends and other people having fun in their own course and making new connections and i do envy them, i wish that i have what they have tbh, having things to go your way at every step must be nice.everytime i think about what i couldve have but didnt pursue its like someone mocking me from within and i cant even function throughout the day atp. i just hope this feeling can pass cuz idk whether i can cope with the feeling of melancholy and dejection everyday since whether i want to or not, assignments and daily tasks still needs to be done. yeah thx for listening to the rant
Hey @user_1,
I want to slow down here a little, because there are two slightly different threads in what you shared, and it makes sense that they’re tangled.
On one hand, it sounds like you took this course with a bit of resignation, almost as if it wasn’t really a choice you wanted, but the one that was available, acceptable, or safest at the time. And it felt right for you before.
On the other hand, a lot of the pain you’re describing now isn’t actually about difficulty or workload. It’s about watching people in “harder” courses look happier, more connected, more alive, and wondering why taking the supposedly easier path doesn’t feel easier at all.
That contradiction is important.
Because the honest truth is, there’s no real way to know whether the path you didn’t take would have been better. That story only feels convincing because it’s imagined from the outside, filtered through other people’s highlight moments. Your mind fills in the blanks: better people, better memories, fewer regrets. But that’s a story, not evidence.
What I’m also noticing is this:
You actually are coping better than before. You adjusted. You made friends. You’re functioning. And yet, instead of relief, there’s this hollow feeling like, “This is what I expected… so why do I still feel this way?”
That kind of disappointment often shows up when improvement doesn’t bring meaning.
So I’m wondering, gently, where this comparison habit started.
Not just now, but earlier.
Did comparison already play a role when you chose this course? Was the “easier” route also about protecting yourself from something, pressure, failure, judgment, exhaustion?
If that’s the case, then the current spiral isn’t really about classmates or assignments. It’s about a part of you asking, “Did I trade challenge for safety… and lose something important in the process?”
Right now, you’re not failing at poly. You’re grappling with identity, who you are in relation to your choices, and whether those choices still fit the person you’re becoming. That’s heavy work, even if it doesn’t look dramatic from the outside.
You’ve already done something right by trying to understand yourself instead of numbing it away. That counts as progress, even if it doesn’t feel good yet.
For now, maybe we don’t decide whether this course was a mistake or not.
Maybe we just sit with the question of what you were protecting back then, and what you’re longing for now and let those answers come slowly, instead of forcing them.
thanks for the reply! 
actually its kinda true about how i usually contradict my statements, it was also mentioned by the counselor, yeah so more or less im also struggling with cognitive dissonance as well. i chose my course after a lot of consideration of all the other courses as well, with researching on the different modules and career pathways afterwards,but i apparently didnt research deep enough i guess as some of the modules in my current course i find extremely annoying and i dont have the motivation to do my holiday assignments for i as its also quite alot of work to be done. thats why i try and seek out to see how other people are doing to also get a gauge whether are they having the same experience as me. comparison did not play a role when i chose this course, it was mainly because this course is more general based so im able to learn different modules from different courses, so im able to get a better sensing of what i want to do in the future as im also not sure yet. im also not sure about why i compare myself heavily with other people, social comparison theory maybe? im also trying to figure that out as well.
Hey user_1,
Reading this, it feels like you’re being very rational with yourself, almost too rational. There’s a lot of reviewing, explaining, and sense-making going on, which often shows up when someone is afraid they might have made the wrong choice and is trying to protect themselves from that fear.
That regret you mentioned, “didn’t research deep enough”, doesn’t sound like recklessness. It sounds like hindsight kicking in now that the work feels heavy and the motivation isn’t there. When assignments pile up and the end goal feels far away or blurry, it’s very easy for the mind to go, “Maybe the problem is the choice I made.”
What I’m also hearing is that the loss of motivation isn’t just about the modules being annoying. It’s more that the meaning has thinned out. Earlier on, the process, exploring, sampling different modules, keeping options open, was the point. That ritual of learning and discovering mattered. Now, with deadlines and holiday work, it can feel like you’re grinding without a clear sense of where all this is leading. Anyone would struggle to stay engaged in that state.
I want to reflect something important you said that might be getting overshadowed by the comparison: You chose this course because it was general. Because you wanted breadth. Because you’re still finding your path. That wasn’t avoidance, that was a thoughtful decision based on where you were then.
And that part of you is still alive. You’re still learning across modules. You’re still noticing what excites you and what drains you. Even this frustration is data. Learning doesn’t only happen when we enjoy the content; it also happens when we juggle, resist, adapt, and slowly figure out what doesn’t fit.
About comparison, it’s interesting that you said it didn’t play a role in choosing the course, but it plays a big role now. That often happens when internal motivation dips. When meaning feels shaky, the mind looks outward for a yardstick: Are others suffering less? Are they happier? Did I fall behind? It’s not a character flaw; it’s a signal.
Instead of comparing courses or people, one gentler comparison might be this: Are you in a slightly better position, in awareness, clarity, or self-understanding, than you were a year ago?
You don’t need to have the end goal clear yet for this phase to still matter. Joy in learning doesn’t have to be confined to liking every module or loving every assignment. Sometimes it’s in recognising, “This isn’t it for me and now I know.”
You’re not stuck because you chose wrongly. You’re in the middle of learning who you are through the choice you made. That’s uncomfortable, but it’s also very human. Let the questions sit a bit. You’re allowed to still be finding your way. 