I’ve recently left a 2nd very toxic job that completely burned me out, and now I’m feeling a huge loss of identity. So much of my life was wrapped around my career since graduation, and walking away has left me grieving lost goals and unsure of who I am without that role.
It’s been especially hard dealing with the lack of understanding from some family and friends, which has made the loneliness heavier. I can feel myself slipping deeper into depression, so I’m taking a career and mental health break for now — but I have no idea when, or how, I’ll be ready to return to the workforce.
Everyday I wonder how can I quickly rebuild my sense of self?
How to find direction again while taking time off — and how long was enough?
How to manage the feelings of guilt or pressure to “bounce back” quickly?
I have to add that it is now almost a month since I started my career break and honestly I have not really rested much during this time. Or at least I did not feel that I have ‘rest’. Rest feels foreign to me and I honestly feel very helpless in this situation.
Every other hour, I am combing through jobs portal. Or thinking of returning back to school. I am now at an awkward age where I’m neither too not too young not old so idk what I can do as well.
Hey @Wildflower ,
Thank you for sharing your struggles. It must not have been easy to handle the feelings of having a loss of identity, not being able to accomplish goals you set for yourself, and the loneliness, which was made heavier due to lack of understanding from people close to you. I also hear that you decided to take a break from your career for your mental health, and I want to say that that is a great first step that takes a lot of courage to do. It’s completely fine to prioritise ourselves and take a break to recharge 
With regards to the questions you posted, I hear that there is a sense of urgency to quickly recharge and recover. It is understandable as not only are there financial reasons, but there is a societal pressure too. One suggestion I would have is to maybe firstly, do some reflection on which areas you would like to work on, or what you feel you need, and plan some actionable steps to attain them and a time period you feel is appropriate. However, make these steps small so they don’t seem too daunting, but at the same time pushes you towards your goals. For example, maybe joining an interest group that you have interest in may help you feel a sense of identity and self. The time period can be flexible so you do not put too much pressure on yourself. Doing some journaling or maybe taking a stroll in the park may give you some clarity as to what you hope to accomplish.
For your question on managing feelings of guilt or pressure, I feel being kind to yourself is important. It’s normal for us to feel lost, especially in society today with expectations like success = earning a lot of money, which may make us lose ourselves in the process. Thus, I feel that being there for yourself and being kind to yourself is important to not lose yourself and be tied down by societal expectations. I mean after all, we are human, and there are times that we struggle and fall. But that does not define who we are. Being kind to ourselves when we fall may help to manage such feelings of guilt and pressure. Moreover, maybe you could also try reminding yourself of your strengths and that your struggles do not make up who you are. Would you be open to trying these?
Know that it’s alright for us to struggle. And that’s what makes us stronger. And it’s ok to take time for ourselves when times get tough. Also know that you are not alone and that we are here for you 
Dear @Wildflower
Thank you for reaching out. It is fully understandable you left your previous job as the environment there was toxic, causing burnout and affecting your mental health. This decision to leave suggests to me that you have awareness on what you need in a job/role to thrive and more importantly also what you don’t need. I laud that decisiveness and clarity.
I believe it resonates with many of us when you shared that it feels like you’ve lost part of your identity especially since career took up a huge chunk of your life. Suddenly there is now an emptiness, and extra time freed up. Instead of rushing to fill it up may I suggest you step back and rediscover who you are, such as your values, what’s important to you, what aspects of life you enjoy, and what you want in life beyond work.
For example are there interests and areas that bring you joy but you could not pursue because of work commitments? Are there new experiences you are keen on and want to try out. It would be chance to expand and reframe, reminding that you are more than any role you’ve held.
Do also take time to reflect and rest. Find your direction by examining what aspects of your past two jobs you enjoyed and want to do more of in the future role. Aim for complete rest periods for part of each day to fully reset your nervous system and gain further self awareness and clarity.
Work towards being comfortable with just being instead of always doing. You don’t need to know the exact timeline for going back. Healing and regrounding takes time. Accept that it’s perfectly okay not to know when yet.
Set boundaries with relatives who didn’t understand your decision or make unkind remarks over your choices.
Please know that you are in the middle of an important, painful, but meaningful transition, letting go of what harmed you, and slowly rebuilding who you are outside of it. It won’t happen overnight, but step by step, you will find both yourself and your direction again.
Take it slow to rediscover and reset your path. Everyone is running their own race and only you will know when to rejoin the workforce. Keep reaching out here for support when needed. 
Not advice but sharing wat i did. I have a ‘side hustle’ where thats my identity too, so i dont ‘lose’ my identity when im jobless. But Identity is more than just ur career. Easier said than done