im so exhausted.. my mental state has been rock bottom for months and id honestly completely given up.. but my doc changed my meds and a few days later i went to volunteer and i actually felt happy after!! i volunteer q a bit and at most ive only felt mildly content… it was my first time feeling any amount of joy in i cant rmb how long.. i kinda felt like things might actually get better
but the day after i crashed so hard and im so tired now… everything hurts and i can’t get out of bed… i feel so horribly sad and i don’t understand why…
i honestly dont feel worse than i did before but having that small glimpse of happy makes the sad feel so much worse im so disappointed
the new meds are technically an improvement but sigh… idk why i keep hoping things will get better when they obviously won’t
i cut myself a few days back and even that didnt make me feel anything… there’s literally nothing that works… i wish euthanasia was legal in singapore
ive survived four attempts and for what… i can’t get anything right and there’s no point to my life no one would even notice if i died i am so sick and tired of everything
Hey @crabs , from your post I can sense you’re feeling super down right now, and you don’t know why either. You feel overwhelmed by hurt and sadness despite having volunteered a few days before, something that you enjoyed. Thoughts of self-harm and euthanasia tell me that you’re holding onto a lot of pain in your heart, and you blame yourself for not being able to get things right.
But you shouldn’t be placing the blame all onto yourself. The sadness and tiredness that engulfs you — these emotions are not weaknesses, it’s what makes you human. It’s not your fault to feel this way.
I’m sure the beneficiaries at your volunteer work enjoyed talking and interacting with you. The altruistic work that you’ve done — they can see it and are deeply grateful to you for it.
I’m happy that you have found volunteering as something that you enjoy, something that can bring you happiness. And there’s meaning in that. You mean something to the beneficiaries. In their eyes, they see you as a caring and loving person, and indeed, you are a caring and loving person.
You’re brave for pushing through despite all the pain and hurt that you’ve endured. There are people that care for you and appreciate your presence; you are worth a lot. So don’t beat yourself up over feeling overwhelmed with sadness, you are already doing many things right.
You don’t have to do this alone, you can talk to your doctor, family, friends, or the let’s talk community — we’ll all be here to lend you our listening ear. So don’t give up, okay?
Hey @crabs, thank you for opening up, that takes a lot, especially when you’re feeling so low. I hear you, and I’m really sorry things feel so heavy right now. It’s not fair that you’ve had to carry all this pain for so long.
That glimpse of joy you felt after volunteering matters, even if it didn’t last. It shows that there’s still a part of you that wants to feel better and that healing is possible, even if it’s slow .
I know it hurts more when hope comes and goes, but the fact that you’re still here, still trying, is a quiet kind of strength. You do matter, even when your mind says otherwise.
If things feel too overwhelming, please consider reaching out to people you trust or even here where we will be your listening ear. You don’t have to go through this alone. I’m really glad you’re still here and I hope you stay
Hey @crabs I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you’re carrying so much, and you’re absolutely right to be exhausted. That brief moment of happiness you felt, that was real, and it mattered. It shows that even if it’s just a flicker, your mind can still feel joy. And that’s not nothing. It’s completely understandable to crash afterward; your body and brain have been through so much, and healing isn’t a straight line. It’s messy and unfairly slow. But that glimpse of hope wasn’t a lie. It was a sign that something inside you wants to keep trying, even if the rest of you feels done. You’re not alone in this, even if it feels that way.
Hi @crabs thank you for sharing here, about the pain and frustration you have been feeling. Growth is not linear, there are ups and downs. But those dips, even though there has been an upward trend, feel so sucky.
Hope hasn’t disappeared — it means that the feeling will come again. It means that while there has been an up then a down, it means that the low will not last forever. I still empathise that that feeling of suckiness and disappointment won’t change — but I’m wondering if there’s space for the knowledge of knowing that this won’t last forever to exist together with the disappointment?
You matter and it will matter if you died and if you lived. I remember your previous posts, how you’ve been having some challenges with your therapist and later you shared about your hospitalisations and having those recent changes. I remember and I hope that goes to show that in the little ways you do matter!
Hey @crabs . I hear how exhausted you feel about your mental state right now, the constant exhaustion and the recurring saddness that doesn’t seem to go away. I think it is incredible that even during this extremely difficult time, you continue to volunteer and help others. Not everyone has the strength to do that, but you did it! It is great that you were able to find happiness through volunteering. It must have felt amazing, which then understandably, when the joy fades away after, you feel disappointed. But you see, even if the joy and happiness faded away after a while, it did came to your life, and brought you some respite from life. It was real, it was there, and it can and will come again.
This moments of happiness showed that you are capable of feeling joy and that joy will find ways to come find you, sometimes in the least expected moments in life.
I am wondering if you have anyone that you trust or is comfortable with that you can speak? It could help tremendously if you express your feelings to some one. Of course, you can also do it here, and I (together with other befrienders) will listen with no judgement. Life is challenging I know but you dont have to walk through it yourself.
I’m truly sorry you’re going through so much pain and such heavy emotions. It’s completely understandable that you feel exhausted — you’re carrying so much while still showing up in life, even helping others through volunteering.
I’m really glad to hear you find some hope and joy in that, even when things feel so difficult. You mentioned feeling like you “can’t get anything right” and that “there’s no point” — those sound like such painful thoughts to carry. I hear how hard you’re being on yourself, and I wonder what it might be like to offer even a little of the compassion you show others, to yourself. No one gets everything right, that’s part of being human. Maybe some treatments or supports just weren’t meant for you, but others are.
Are there any small things, even tiny ones, that bring a bit of comfort or help you feel a little less alone? Maybe there’s a moment from volunteering that still lingers. Or maybe there’s something about sharing your experience here, being seen by people, that brings a bit of ease.
If anything like that comes to mind, I wonder if it might feel grounding to write it down and keep it close, just to have as a quiet reminder when things feel heavy. Only if that feels right for you.
Is there anyone in your life you feel safe talking to about these thoughts and emotions? Sometimes the people who care about us really do want to be there — especially during our lowest moments — even if they don’t always know how. If it ever feels helpful, you could let them know what kind of support you need — whether that’s simply having someone listen, helping with daily tasks, or gently reminding you of those little moments that matter.
Thank you for reaching out and sharing so openly. That takes a lot, especially when things feel so hard. You don’t have to go through this alone, we’re here with you.
i don’t really have anyone i can share this stuff with unfortunately after the hospitalisations i try not to share bc people dont look at you the same way anymore
I’m really sorry you feel like you’re unable to get support from others around you. It is completely understandable to feel hesitant to open up, especially when you’re not sure how others will respond or when they don’t show up for you in the way you need. That can feel incredibly isolating.
Has talking here brought even a little bit of comfort or relief? If it feels okay for you, you’re very welcome to keep sharing, we’re here to listen and be with you in this. You mentioned that “everything hurts”, does that sometimes feel like the pain is not just emotional but physical too? When those feelings come up, are there any small things that offer even a bit of relief — like wrapping up in a blanket, listening to music, or anything else that soothes you?
Also, if things feel too heavy to hold alone, there’s a confidential 24-hour helpline where you can talk to someone trained to support you, anytime, but especially in your moments of distress. You’re not alone, and you deserve that care.
It’s really hard when pain feels all-consuming. It’s sometimes seems like you can’t quite remember what it’s like to not hurt. It’s so deep inside like it’s woven into every part of you.
Sometimes talking helps, but other times it doesn’t, and that’s okay. Different moments call for different things. Sometimes the most helpful thing isn’t advice or distraction, but simply having someone there with you — so you don’t have to go through it alone.
I’m here. We’re here.
If there’s something you need today, please let us know how we can support you here. Whether it’s getting something off your chest or simply sharing something meaningful, like an interest, a happy memory, or your favourite part of volunteering — please don’t hesitate to share.
Sometimes, reminding ourselves of the things that bring light — even in small ways — can make a real difference.
Hey Crabs, you are a strong person for being able to share this here and please give yourself time to take life bit by bit. There are days we feel good and there are also days we don’t feel as much but, what’s important is for you to speak about it. Speak to someone trusted and you might feel a little better. Wishing you the best always!
i just feel like such a broken record tho… chronic suicidal ideation is quite frustrating it feels quite silly to constantly complain that i want to kill myself haha… i feel like quite a burden
thanks for hearing me out and giving support tho! it means a lot
@crabs, I understand that when these feelings hang around for a long time, they can start to whisper things like, “I’m a burden,” or “I keep saying the same things, no one wants to hear this again.” But those thoughts, as convincing as they feel, aren’t facts. They’re part of the struggle, not a reflection of your worth. You are not a burden. The fact that you’re here and reaching out matters.
It’s completely okay to share how you’re feeling, even if it feels like a repeat, even if it feels messy.
Please don’t hesitate to use this space for talking, venting, or even just sending a single word or emoji, I’m here. No pressure, just know the door is open.
Also, I was wondering — do you draw or make things? Would you be open to? I’ve been trying neurographic art lately—it’s a bit abstract but can be soothing—especially when I need to ground myself or slow down. It might not be your thing, but I thought I’d share in case you’re curious.
im so disappointed
, thank you for opening up, that takes a lot, especially when you’re feeling so low. I hear you, and I’m really sorry things feel so heavy right now. It’s not fair that you’ve had to carry all this pain for so long.
.
