Just anxious or....?

[smelltheroses]

I’m not sure if I should be seeking professional help, so I hope this is the right platform to seek preliminary opinions.

Last year was A Levels year, and I flunked my exams… While studying, I felt suffocated… like wearing a turtle neck tee that is two sizes too small… I often found myself grabbing the tee shirt collar downwards just trying to study. While I could still breathe normally (ie not hyperventilating), each breath felt difficult.

Eventually, I lost my determination to study. I wasn’t the kind of student to go into an examination unprepared, but that was what I ended up doing for my prelims (and eventually A Levels).

After receiving my horrible prelims grades, I did try to get myself back up to study, but each time I felt suffocated, I took longer and longer to recover. Gradually, I stopped studying because I had lost all motivation/determination, etc. I would spend hours staring at my ceiling, so unmotivated to even get out of bed, much less raise my pen.

I’m not sure if what I described above would count as some form of anxiety, or am I just exaggerating my stress (as my friends and family would tell me)?

Catching up to today, I dont have such suffocating episodes anymore now that I am not studying. I have started working but I spend so much of my time after hours, overthinking my mistakes at work that I find it hard to feel rested. I tend to replay scenes of my mistakes in my head repeatedly, and chiding myself for being embarrassing/stupid. Do tell me if feeling such anxiousness is normal or if I should be seeking professional help? Appreciate everyone who read till the end! Have a great day!

[northernlights]

Dear Smelltheroses,

Thank you for sharing so openly about your painful past experiences and describing in detail what you went through. It is clear you have given it a lot of thought and have made some links between the anxiety you feel now and what happened in junior college. It seems, however, that some of your friends and family whom you might have confided in, have largely discounted how you feel and this might have led you to be unsure as to what you may be struggling with.

While stress and anxiety is a part of life, when it reaches a point where it interferes with our daily life and functioning, it might be best to seek professional help just as we would see a doctor if we were feeling physically unwell and unsure what might be the matter. For you, it did get to that point while you were doing your ‘A’ levels and although the anxiety and panic attacks are not as intense now, you have noted the presence of a harsh inner critic, ruminations and overthinking. As such, I don’t see the harm in checking in with a professional for some help and perhaps also to process what happened in your earlier years.

Hope this helps! Please take care and do reach out if you have more questions. You are very brave to be seeking help by the way!