overwhelmed with school :(

Ask a Therapist Mental Health Conditions
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hello, i anticipate this will be a rather long post :pensive: there is a lot going on and i am rather overwhelmed

i recently started uni (i say recently but its been 7 weeks) and im having some trouble adjusting… i dont have any friends that came to the same uni with me and my closest friends left singapore (possibly forever) to go overseas for uni… i havent really made any friends in uni because you dont really see anyone more than one class a week and im too scared to join ccas because socialising makes me really anxious and i dont have the time for it either… ive been pretty lonely

actual school is kinda busy and stressful too… ive forgotten how hectic studying is because of the essentially one year break between school ending and uni starting… my jc didn’t do a levels and had a really stressful programme so when i was there the school counsellor got me through it by telling me uni was much easier and things would get better after i left. i think i kinda internalised her words and did not take them the right way… now i kinda feel like im a failiure if i dont get all as which is realy stressing me. my last assignment i got back i got a b+ which makes me feel terrible. yesterday, i also accidentally submitted an assignment 3 minutes late so thats a whole half a letter grade gone… while i admit the exams are far easier than school not knowing how well i will do because of the bell curve is also kinda scary…

i have adhd, and i recently switched doctors because i felt my psychiatrist wasnt the most professional and hadnt helped me much in the two years i saw him. i was recently warded and given a referral, so i decided to go public instead. unfortunately, this apparently means i need to get tested for adhd all over again before i can get my medication, and im struggling to study. my new psychiatrist is also a little unwilling to prescribe me the medication because he feels it would make my anxiety worse (all stimulants do) but i would rather be more anxious than have bad grades… the bad grades make me anxious anyway…

i haven’t been able to see my therapist much recently because she wants us to take a break until i finish family counselling for other issues…

i am just really overwhelmed with everything and feeling really alone :frowning: i dont really know how to keep going because i feel like i have nothing to live for all over again

thank you for reading my long rant :heart_hands:

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Hi @ileo,

Thank you for sharing everything you’re going through. It’s really clear that you’ve been carrying a lot, from the pressure of university, missing friends, dealing with ADHD without your medication, and the family counseling. I can hear how overwhelming it all feels right now, and it makes sense that you’re feeling stressed, anxious, and alone.

First, it’s really important to acknowledge that you are doing your best in an incredibly difficult situation. You’ve had a huge transition into university, and it sounds like you’ve been holding yourself to some very high standards. I just wanted to let you know that not getting straight As—doesn’t make you a failure at all. Learning how to balance your expectations with self-compassion is key to helping you feel less anxious about your performance. Sometimes, being kind to yourself for simply showing up and doing your best is just as important as the grades themselves.

It also sounds like your loneliness has been really tough to handle, especially with your close friends leaving and not having made any strong connections yet. That’s completely understandable, and it’s important to remember that building friendships, especially in new environments like university, takes time. Have you thought about slowly joining any low-commitment social activities? Even just one step, like being around peers, could help reduce the feeling of isolation, and you don’t have to dive into anything too overwhelming.

Regarding your ADHD and anxiety, I can see how frustrating it must be to feel like facing your new psychiatrist. It might be worth having a conversation about your anxiety versus your academic needs, and finding a middle ground, perhaps through alternative therapies or non-stimulant medications, until you’re able to see your therapist again.

Lastly, it’s okay to reach out for help—even if it feels like you’re asking too much. You deserve support, and you’re not a burden for needing it.

What’s one thing that might help you feel a little more grounded or less alone right now?"

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Hello! :smiley_cat:

I just want to appreciate your courage in uploading your worries! It sounds like University has taken a huge toll on you! Not to mention how lonely you feel rn.

If I could add another perspective to the statement “im too scared to join ccas because socialising makes me really anxious”, you can leave the CCA anytime you want. If you join the CCA, and immediately feel very anxious and stressed, you can go back and rest! No pressure at all to commit to the CCA!! On the other hand, if you do enjoy the CCA and make friends, that would be great as well! :smirk_cat:

Secondly, I can also sense the desire to do well in school and the internal conflict you have regarding your prescription given by your new psychiatrist. However, school should not always be prioritised over yourself. You are more important.

Previously, I used to also be a perfectionist. Everyone around me would often praise me whenever I get B for my assignments, only I felt angry at myself for having such “bad grades”. It wasn’t until a few months after being admitted to IMH for attempted unaliving did I realised that nothing in this life can be completed perfectly or as a whole.
I started embracing the idea of a temporary life.

Nothing is forever. Just as the weather changes often, events in our lives are not always going to be the same. Although you might feel quite stuck now, I can assure you that you do not need to pin too many expectations on yourself. I read this in a book and thought that it was quite intriguing, “You have control only on the actions and not on the outcome”. which is very true. If the outcome cannot be controlled, why not just live in the present and enjoy every bit of the journey!

I understand that this can be hard to follow. It took me a long time to even come to terms with the above quote as I was not willing to let the universe control the outcome. But slowly as I reminded myself to not be too stressed about what would happen if I did something, I felt more and more liberated.

I cannot offer much perspective regarding ADHD as I only have anxiety but I am sure your loved ones would be grateful if you were able to be less anxious than to do “badly” in school. You are a very precious person who is loved. Treat yourself kindly because you deserve all the love the world has to offer! :smiley_cat:

Hopefully you will be able to see what a wonderful person you are! Take good care of yourself until your next therapy session! :heart_eyes_cat: