hi!
ever since secondary school, i feel like i’ve really changed as a person. from being so carefree in primary school to being so conscious about everything in secondary school, especially about my size (im not that plump, more of midsize girlie)
i’ve always had high expectations for myself regarding my studies. my parents are older than other parents hence idk older mindset & my older brother flunked his studies. so kinda had pressure to study well & get a good job.
rest of my sec school i was just feeling depressed and suicidal all the time. messed up but n’s and couldn’t get into poly foundation programme, which made me lose so much confidence and couldn’t stop crying for weeks and weeks.
i got into ite (joined like 2 months late cause i couldn’t even get in the course i wanted). currently im in food science and to be honest even though i wasnt that interested in this course, school was fairly decent & i met really good company.
but now im in year 2 doing my internship, and my mental health has just crumbled down again. im just a week into my internship. i had some interviews today for the next stage in my studying life but im really considering if this is what i want. like i really really want to take a break & have a gap year but im worried for so many things. but i want to prioritise myself & my mental health and im scared my parents wont agree with me. i also am not sure if taking a gap year would be a wise choice.
im so scared and confused on what i should actually pursue cause everything im trying out doesn’t intrigue me at all…
i got lab work for my intern which was what i was hoping for, but actually doing it now… i dont know how to feel??? i feel so sick of it already, and im scared that i will be the only intern left in my department soon & i will have to take over everything the past intern has been doing.
feeling so overwhelmed and i just cant stop crying every day