Feeling Lost about School,Intern and Myself

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I’m new and I was so scared to send this cause well I do not know just scared I guess if anyone say something offensive or anything but I gonna say what I’m feeling that I kept to myself cause I got no one to tell…

For this past few months and almost half of 2023 last year was the worst thing I ever have to experience.

Firstly, I did not get the school poly I wanted which I already apply last year EAE (Early Admission Exercise) but wasn’t been chosen. From there I felt I was depress and didn’t ate dinner with my family which I always do. Moreover, what makes me even sad is that my close friends got accept so I felt awkward or left out again

Secondly, my internship has been driving me crazy especially the first month. They ask me to do something that I feel uncomfortable which was socializing many people everyday and that makes me feel pain like my chest was squeezing me so hard that I cant breath. Moreover, my interns looks like they hate me and the staff felt like I’m weak like I cant do better then the others which makes me upset so bad that I really want to help and try my very best… But almost some days I keep crying and angry that I scold my friends which I do not know why I did that which was silly and I know its wrong but I don’t know why I feel this way, it can be that they have a happy intern or finish early that I’m still here internship till mid Mar and working on a Saturday every weekend from their event.

Thirdly, during my internship… I lost my live-in grandmother and I was so devastated. I’ve never felt so broken in my life. I still feel guilty that I didn’t do what she want me to do in life which the most important one was want me to be happy… I really want to do it but sometimes I cant find any happiness along the way and always scared of my new path.

Moreover, I don’t know what’s gonna happen after my internship and hopefully I don’t know get to my poly I wanted.

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Hello @Nobody :wave: Sounds like you are going though alot now and I can only imagine how overwhelming it must feel for you now its not easy especially when you lost a loved one​:people_hugging: Just want to let you know first and foremost this is a safe platform for you and thank you so much for building up the courage to share here :blush:

I experienced something similar to you regarding friends when I was in poly where although my friends were in the same school they both got grouped into the same class except for me. Our schedules all became very different and I felt left out and awkward again. It’s difficult seeing your close friends get closer to each other while drifting away from you :smiling_face_with_tear:

But I guess thats life I still feel abit of sadness when I think about it but I’ve learnt to accept it and focus on expanding my relationships with other people and myself. Going for activities alone and meeting new people or reconnect with people whom I have lost contact with. :slightly_smiling_face:

I personally had experience with a job which I was not comfortable with too I had to push for sales for products which I don’t think was benifical and I felt like I was pressured just to pump the numbers up :confused: I ended up leaving after 4 months after experiencing breathlessness from thinking about the job :smiling_face_with_tear: So I think what you are feeling is totally valid like its a natural reaction when we do things that are against our core beliefs and character. I think it will be good to also speak to your supervisor or school internship office regarding this too perhaps they can give you advice on how you should proceede as well :people_hugging:

Lastly, things may be uncertain now but I can see you are trying your best so jiayous and keep it up okay :otter: Take things step by step we are here for you :smiling_face:

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Hi @Nobody

Thank you for sharing your struggles with us, I hear you and I commend you for writing to us here. I want to acknowledge your courage in reaching out and sharing what’s been weighing on your heart. It takes a lot to open up, especially when you’re feeling vulnerable and unsure. I want you to know that your feelings are valid, and it’s completely understandable to be scared of potential hurt or judgment.

It sounds like you’ve been through a really tough time lately, with multiple challenges hitting you all at once. Not getting into the school poly you wanted must have been a huge disappointment, especially when it seemed like everyone around you was moving forward. I can also imagine that feeling left out or disconnected from your friends can amplify those feelings of loneliness and sadness.

Your internship experience sounds very overwhelming, and I guess it must have been a source of stress for you. I know how it feels when we’re not meeting expectations or being judged by others, it can really take a toll on your self-esteem and overall happiness.

Also, losing your grandmother must have been devastating, and I’m truly sorry for your loss. Grief is a complex and painful journey, and it’s natural to feel guilty or overwhelmed by the weight of your emotions. Your grandmother’s wish for your happiness is a beautiful reminder of her love and support for you, but please know that it’s still normal to struggle with finding happiness amidst such difficult circumstances.

As for the uncertainty about what comes next after your internship, it’s completely normal to feel anxious about the future, especially when it feels like things haven’t been going as planned. It’s okay to not have all the answers right now :slight_smile:

I want to encourage you to continue sharing and talking about your struggles, because we are here to support you. There are also mental health professionals that you can speak to, and here are some options:

  1. Walk in to the nearest Family Service Centre for support
  2. Online counselling:

Remember, you’re not alone in this! We are here to support you through. Please let us know how you’re coping, and if you’ve managed to reach out to anyone else (as suggested). Hear from you soon.

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