Just feeling a little overwhelmed

Hangouts Rants
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So I have this friend who I really used to enjoy being with genuinely as friends but overtime as we took on roles as CCA EXCO partners, I start to realise that we weren’t made to really work together exactly as we have different work ethics etc.

Problem is that I’m potentially practically having to work with her every other school day since we’re both in the same diploma and specialisation track, as well as lots of other roles in common. Everytime I see her messages she sends directly to me, I get anxious because I always feel like she’s much more experienced and capable compared to me despite being the same ranking/position. Sometimes I feel micromanaged when she talks to me about CCA work which makes me feel hurt and annoyed but I tell myself to stop that thought as she only means well.

I have considered talking to her about it but I am worried of doing that since it may make our friendship even more distant and I don’t want that happening knowing that I still need to work with her for at least another semester. Though I’m pretty sure she can tell I’m tired of her too :disappointed_face:

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Hey @user8300, what you’re describing is a very common and very normal situation when a friend becomes a colleague/partner. The dynamic shifts because now there are expectations, deadlines and responsibilities layered on top of what used to be just hanging out. It’s not a reflection that you’re “bad” at working with people or that the friendship is doomed but it’s more that the environment is forcing a new role on both of you.

A few things to keep in mind:

It’s normal to feel anxious when roles change. When you see her messages now, your brain may interpret them as “criticism” or “evaluation” instead of “a friend just texting me.” That’s why it feels heavier.

Different work ethics ≠ one person is wrong. It just means you two approach tasks differently. Her being more experienced doesn’t actually diminish your value but it just means she has a different style or more practice in certain areas.

Feeling micromanaged doesn’t always mean she’s trying to control you. It can mean she’s stressed too and is trying to ensure things go smoothly. But your feelings are still valid.

Here are some ways you can try to manage this without blowing up the friendship:

1. Separate “work you” and “friend you.” When she texts about CCA, consciously label it in your head as “work chat” and not “friend chat.” This mental boundary can reduce the emotional sting.

2. Communicate in small, neutral ways first. You don’t have to have a huge “talk.” You can, for example, say, “Hey, I work better if I have some space to handle tasks myself, so I’ll update you when it’s done.” Framing it as your preference, not her fault, keeps it non-confrontational.

3. Give her credit but also your limits. “Thanks for checking in on this. I’ll handle it and let you know by …” This shows reliability and gently puts a boundary.

4. Find moments of “just friends” again. Even a 5-minute chat about non-CCA stuff can remind both of you that your relationship isn’t only about work.

5. Self-compassion: You’re not “lesser” because she seems more capable. You’re learning. It’s normal to feel out of sync at first.

I hope everything works out and you find a way to work well with her together. Rooting for you!

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Oh my I didn’t expect someone to reply it as it was just at a spur of the moment haha

But thank you so much for taking the time to share your advice, I really appreciate it! It made me take time to reflect upon my frustration as well and I’ll definitely try out most of the tips suggested :slight_smile:

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Hello user8300,

Thank you for sharing your struggles. I deeply resonate with you-the dilemmas between friendship and work. Back then in my poly days, I remembered when I grouped up with my friends for a project, what seemed to be started off as good and kind friends turned out to be a roller coaster of emotions. Only then, I realised everyone has different working styles. I asked my friends of we could sit down for a meal together and just talk about how we could cooperate better. We unrivalled many misunderstandings-the way we communicate, choice of words and tone could be improved. After that meal, we realised where our flaws were, reflected on them, apologised and headed strong towards the end of our FYP.

I wouldn’t say after that meal it was all smooth…there were still ups and downs. But what kept us united was that we all have the same goal is to do well in the project so that we could also help improve each others overall GPA.

Life is a journey of learning to adapt. You may face friction in friendship but also be discerning if certain friendships are also beneficial for your emotional and mental health. I could see that you are putting in much effort on your end to ensure smooth operations in the EXCO. So, don’t be discouraged by experience. Probably you could also learn from your friend’s experience and I hope that she will be generous in sharing with you about her approaches. From there, you could deconflict what is each others working style.

Don’t overreact too fast as have you react is determined by how you feel and how you feel is determined by how you think. Before jumping into many conclusions, maybe you could also just have a small chat with your friend first. And I hope it would be an enriching one.

All the best and hope you are thriving well in you diploma days. :slight_smile:

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Thank you so much! I’ve been thinking of maybe finding time to hang out with her and all outside of EXCO work to at least maybe deflect some pressure on ourselves and see how we can approach things better. It’s really nice knowing that others have had similar experiences which encourages me to improve myself like how you’ve done :slight_smile: