Hi, I’m seeking support because I’ve been feeling very anxious and emotionally overwhelmed at my new job. I’m in the first 2 months of my first full-time role since graduating, and I have been finding it really hard to adjust to the work environment here and especially with my colleagues. As they have been working as a very close-knit team for years, I’m finding it really hard to gel with them and often feel left out. For example, I cannot really contribute to their conversations as they are usually gossiping about people in the company whom i do not know, hence I often find myself just listening in with nothing to contribute. I also find that a lot of times when my colleagues talk, they tend to face away from me or not look at me, which could make me feel like they are not really talking to me, and hence i feel excluded. I also constantly worry about how my colleagues and boss see me, and small comments or tones of voice affect me a lot. My colleagues could also be a little toxic sometimes, like their constant gossiping made me feel like they could be doing the same thing to me? Sometimes they would also speak over me and answer questions that were actually directed to me, which would make me feel really annoyed and disrespected.
This one particular colleague also often acts really nice and “big sister”-ish when she’s alone with me, but when my boss is there, she turns into a different person who kind of looks down on me and announces my mistakes and shortcomings to my boss. This had made me really upset and afraid of making mistakes.
These had made me anxious and dread going to work, and if certain things were to happen during the work day that made me overthink, I would usually end work and go home feeling really upset and dread going to work the next day.
I think that it would be really hard to talk to my colleagues about this because they are really close, and I feel like they would just gang up on me if I were to do anything. Also, that colleague is really established and well-liked by the bosses in the company, so anything I say would likely not change my boss’s mind.
And in terms of my work, I would say I’m a very responsible worker and would get my work done well and on time. I haven’t had the chance to take on any big projects yet, so I haven’t really shown my skills. However, I’m still slowly learning about the company, and because I am not very experienced, I admit that I have made a few minor mistakes along the way.
I’m quite sensitive, soft-spoken, and non-confrontational, so I fear people may step over me at work, and I find myself overthinking interactions long after they happen.
I want to seek help with reducing overthinking and emotional sensitivity, maybe not taking things so personally, building confidence at work, managing my fear of mistakes, and feeling less socially excluded.