I’ve been suffering from low self-confidence for quite some time now and I’m not sure what’s been causing it. For a long while now I felt invalidated when people like relatives and family members kept putting me down with their insensitive comments and stuff, whatever I’ve said or thought of that was expressed was always deemed as paranoia and me being a worry-wart along with disapproving authority figures in the past who didn’t do anything to support me in my time of crisis. Because of their ongoing comments and stuff I feel like I am losing myself every single day because they keep saying stuff that is causing me to doubt myself.
No matter what I think, say or do, the other person who hears what I have to say would always criticize me for being myself when I want a good home-cooked meal or my meal choices for the week.
I hope someone could help me overcome my issues.
Hi @Andrew1 , I’m really sorry to hear that you’ve been going through such a challenging time. It’s understandable that constant criticism and invalidation from relatives and family members can take a toll on your self-confidence. It’s important to remember that your feelings are valid, and you deserve to be treated with respect and understanding.
I know it’s difficult for you, but it might be helpful to express your feelings to your family, letting them know how their comments have been affecting you. Sometimes people may not realize the impact of their words.
Remember, your worth is not determined by others’ opinions, and prioritizing your mental well-being is crucial. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here for you. Take care. X
I feel very often like when others pass their opinions about me they get to have carte blanche over me in a very bad way. Their opinions that dictate what I should do in my life and whatnot often leave me feeling small and less confident. Expressing how I feel to family often results in a " backlash" in a subtle way they would often subtly insist that they are forever right and absolute and I am wrong. Its often the case with my relatives too. I believe this lack of confidence also stems from the fact that I was often told that no matter what I wanted to do in my life till now I would remain a loser because I don’t deserve anything good in life.
hey @Andrew1 , I’m not sure how old you are, but i think you’re a teenager like me 
Actually, I used to have really low self-confidence too. It was mainly cause of my looks, i believed i wasnt pretty, constantly thinking why i couldn’t have a high nose bridge, bigger eyes, lesser acne, and become more fair skinned like other people around me. Sometimes, this could really affect the way I behaved. For example, i don’t like to wear my glasses other than in class cause my sister said i looked bad in it, and i cover my mouth whenever speaking because i didn’t like the fact my teeth was crooked, and was worried i would have bad breath and people would judge me. I also wore a mask to school whenever I had a really huge pimple cause i would be embarrassed by it. Every single time i walked into the class, i would feel that all eyes were on me, and felt as if i had to act busy so i would look down and use my phone. There were some things i did that really helped me to see the positive points of me:
- I started doing skincare. My face gradually improved and had a lot lesser acne. This results in an instant boost of my self-confidence, cause i feel better about the way i look. It also helped me see how beautiful my eyes and nose were (cause i do spend more time looking at myself in the mirror LOL), that they weren’t imperfect, they were just… normal
- I started to invest in things I know i find comfort and stability in. My studies and academics is something that i find “stable”. Hence, i would spend more time studying and ensuring that my exam results were good. Whenever i received back my test paper and am satisfied with my results, this helps me to see that i’m actually good at something and not too bad myself.
Of course, all these practices can become toxic to a certain extent if you don’t practice it well. For example:
- skincare → got me focusing on all my acne scars which can also destroy my self esteem, or breakouts which can cause me to panic
- placing my security in my academics: Sure, its a way that I see the “good points” of myself, but receiving a unsatisfactory grade can cause me to face imposter syndrome or feel really bad. Also creates more exam stress as I have my own expectations to fufill
Knowing how to exercise such practices is really important! Also, I like to watch instagram reels of those influencers you see who spread positive messages, and I really do recommend @jun_yuh on instagram if you don’t follow him alr! He really shares some positive messages to help you 
Sometimes, its our loved ones or those closer to us that hurts us, unknowingly or not. But the only way you can improve your self esteem is through YOUR own mindset. Even if they were to stop saying all these things, I’m sure a part of you will still be affected deeply, so REAL change can only start through the way you think and love yourself.
And lastly, its okay to not be completely confident. I still wear a mask if i had a breakout, still cover my mouth when i speak and still don’t wear my glasses too often. But, you know that you’re improving when you notice you start to stop overthinking about how you look like when you walk in a room, and stop being so concerned over who’s gonna judge you and all
If you have any other rants, i’d be happy to provide a listening ear
@Andrew1 it must be tough hearing such comments/opinions from your own family that greatly impact your confidence and willingness to take control of your own life. If expressing yourself to family becomes difficult, consider seeking support from friends or a professional counselor who can provide a more neutral space for you to share and work through these feelings. You are deserving of positivity and understanding in your life. Best wishes!
Mannn if the people around you are only giving you negative thoughts and opinions, I think it’s great you’re acknowledging this happening in your life~ maybe the way the people around you converse is not suitable for you and they don’t know abt that! I’m sure your loved ones wouldn’t hurt you intentionally!! When you identify someone who is kind, can consider finding the right time to talk to him or her, and gently share your feelings and how you hope you can have conversations that will be beneficial for your growth. Wanna reassure you that sometimes ppl arnd you may really be making you feel worse, but it doesn’t have to stay that way!! You’ve got things in control and you can positively influence what’s good for you and others! 
Did it get worse during Chinese New Year? (assuming you celebrate). I can imagine the frustration inside but often times it’s really just the lack of understanding from your relatives and family members about a certain topic.
Is your family’s behavior just toward your food choices or towards generally everything that you do? Have there been times when they were more supportive?
I don’t know you but I don’t believe that anyone would remain a loser forever. Everyone deserves a good (and dignified) life, maybe it’s just that your time hasn’t come yet. We’re here to support you through this journey and I hope things change for the better for you.
I’m sorry I feel like your comments aren’t really helping the current situation at the moment because it just feels like fake sympathy to me, I would greatly appreciate it if it came from a more genuine place instead, having said that I don’t want you to be a part of my journey if it continues along this train of thought. Thanks!
Thanks for letting me know, @Andrew1. I’m sorry I didn’t manage to help with your situation but I hope you find what you’re looking for from the rest of the community!!