Hi guys,
I’ve been really down lately and in my situation ill try my best to explain it without giving away too much because im afraid people i know may see this and think im weak.
I’ve been considering going to a therapist but im not sure if its a good idea as im not sure if it’ll be in my records and if it’ll affect my job applications in the future especially that im looking to get a job in the govt sector. Have gone thru trauma my whole life of people rejecting me as a person regardless of reason. This has caused me to carry so much with me over the years that any small judgment, it tends to leave a big cut on my heart causing so much pain that i’ll naturally feel like going into tears.
So currently the main issue that’s been affecting me a lot lately is the lack of trust from the people around me. I may have messed up the first few times in my line of work, and the people around me, i tend to not really be able to fit in with them as i feel theyre constantly picking on me so im a constant target whenever i make the slightest of mistakes. It always feels like it’s them against me and im unable to stand for myself.
This has affected me as i want to be proactive but im always looked down upon and hardly ever selected to do anything. Everytime i am given a task the people would be extra cautious with me even though i know i can do it and beacause of this unneccesary extra cautiosness from them, it gives me pressure which does lead to lack of confidence in completing the task. I just don’t know how long this impression will last and how do i even get out of it. My past traumas have made it hard for me to stand up for myself hence im going on here anonymously to get help. Thank u to anyone taking the time to read and help me, i truly appreciate it.
Regards…
Dear @ineedhelp12345678
First and foremost, I want to acknowledge how deeply you’ve been feeling and just how challenging all of this must be for you. It’s clear you’ve been carrying a lot on your shoulders for a long time, and your struggles with trust and self-worth are real and valid. It takes a lot of courage to share your feelings, and even more to ask for help. Please know that you’re not alone, and that what you’re experiencing is not a sign of weakness—it’s a natural response to the pain and trauma you’ve faced.
It sounds like the lack of trust and feeling constantly judged in your work environment has really affected your confidence and sense of belonging. It’s tough when you feel like you can’t catch a break, especially when it seems like others may not believe in you as much as you believe in yourself. The extra pressure of not being trusted to perform even basic tasks can make anyone second-guess themselves, and it’s understandable that you feel hurt by this.
As for therapy, I completely understand the concern about it being on your records, especially when considering future job applications in the government sector. It’s important to protect yourself, but it’s also important to prioritise your mental and emotional health. Therapy can offer a safe space where you can work through past traumas and current challenges, and most therapists are bound by confidentiality agreements. You could consider asking your therapist about any concerns related to records and how this might impact your job prospects—transparency with them about your concerns might help ease your mind. Some workplaces, including government roles, may have specific policies around mental health, but many people with mental health support go on to do amazing things in their careers. Taking care of your mental health first can actually help you be the best version of yourself at work and in life.
Please don’t feel like you have to face this alone. Reaching out for support, whether it’s through therapy, talking to a trusted friend, or family where you feel safe, is an act of strength. You deserve to have the space to heal and grow, and there is no shame in seeking help. You’re worthy of kindness, understanding, and the opportunity to thrive.
Take it one step at a time. I truly believe you have the strength to overcome these challenges, even if it feels overwhelming right now. You are enough as you are, and there is hope for the future.
Sending you care and encouragement. Keep taking tiny steps forward. 