Piano problems

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I learn the piano, I’ve been learning since I was in kindergarten and I’m not proud of it because I believe that I’m still not good at it. At the start, it needed low commitment, but as it gradually became harder, I could no longer sustain practising just once a week, so around grade 4 of piano, I wanted to quit. My grandma refused to let me quit, saying it was useful as if I couldn’t find a job, I could become a piano teacher and that I’ve already made it halfway. Grade 4 was the last time I took a piano exam, after that I just continued learning without taking exams, apparently to skip grades while saving money from not paying for exams. Now I’m at grade 8, the last grade(there’s more stuff but this is the last grade), well more like just learning grade 8 exam pieces and scales and nothing else. My piano teacher convinced me to take the ABRSM Performance exam instead of the practical ones I used to take that tested all the skills, while the performance one required me to record 4 exam pieces consecutively only. This made me feel incompetent because even if I did pass this exam, it doesn’t show that I have good piano skills, it just showed that I practiced those pieces a lot. Additionally, if I didn’t practise those pieces after the exam, I would also forget how to play them..

Anyway, I’ve been learning the pieces for almost 2 years and now I’ve been trying to practise recording for the past 4 months. There hasn’t been much progress because firstly, one of my songs is still not fast enough for the exam, and secondly my environment is not really suited for recording. The issue with the first reason is that I’ve been on a six month break from school, where I worked part time for 3 months, went overseas for 2 weeks and am about to start school, but the song is still not fast enough.. I think I probably wasn’t practising enough, but I don’t really have motivation to practise, which is what has been happening for the past 5 years.. the issue with the second reason is that my piano is in the living room so: 1. My neighbour’s noise(opening the door) can be heard thru the door 2. The vehicles on the road can be noisy 3. My neighbour upstairs sometimes make noise 4. My family makes noise(eg sneeze) 5. Construction noise from downstairs
All these have been making me frustrated everytime I try to record, it’s either I get distracted by the noise and make a mistake or the noise is so loud I think that I can’t use the recording, and it doesn’t help that I’m a bit of a perfectionist.. I feel like a hypocrite, not even practising often enough but still want my playing to sound perfect.. There will be measures to help, like we’ve ordered sound absorbing curtains, but I don’t think it will help much, and the piano can’t go through the doorway to the bedrooms.
My piano teacher has been pressuring me more lately, because I haven’t been sending her my recordings that I was supposed to practice, she told me that since I couldn’t record during the day, I could 1. Record late at night 2. Record early in the morning 3. Book a studio to record(multiple times because I won’t be able to get it in a few trys, so it’s going to cost a lot) I don’t like any of the options but it feels like I don’t have much of a choice.
I’ve told my family about it, but I don’t think they took it seriously even though I brought it up a few times. They still make noise even though I’ve told them repeatedly that I’m recording everytime I play the piano. I’ve ranted to my friends and they told me that now is the time to “buck up” and work harder.
Today, I thought about it, why am I working towards something that I don’t even want, that I might not even use? My last certification is grade 4, so my family does want me to do the exam. Sometimes I feel ungrateful, I have the resources to learn how to play piano, but I don’t work hard and it’s not like I dislike playing the piano entirely, I do enjoy learning songs from youtube, but the amount of hard work needed to learn properly exceeds the amount I’m willing to give, and I’ve only been hanging on all this while. I’ve thot of giving up and not taking the exam or lessons anymore, but I don’t know how to tell anyone.. I’m not even sure if it is what I want, if anyone have similar experiences please share some advice😭 I’ve been so stressed I’ve cried a few times over it but still don’t know what to do

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Hi! Thanks so much for being vulnerable and sharing :)! I totally get your situation, because I was also forced to play the piano by my parents and sometimes it can just be so irritating when you practice so much but you don’t feel good enough, and worse still, you feel that you don’t find the passion for it anymore. I know that it isn’t easy but I am really proud of how far you have come, grade 4 is no easy feat! Although I cannot make the decision for you, I would say find something that will continue to make you happy! Personally for me, I believe life is about happiness and it is important to be happy when you do things. Yes, sometimes life will have its stresses, but always remember that it is important to do the things you love!! All the best!!

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Hi @Sulis, thank you so much for opening up here!
I too, used to play the piano so I understand your frustration at not being able to perfect your pieces. It is frustrating, especially after you’ve practiced for so long but still don’t feel satisfied with your current playing standards. Nevertheless, I think it is really commendable that you’ve made it this far and I believe that you’ll be able to succeed eventually! I can’t tell you what to do, but I would tell you to just go with your gut feeling, if it makes you happy after completing this exam then go for it!!! If you think that you’ll feel better and more motivated to complete it after taking a break then do it!!! Whatever choice you make, I believe it will be a good one :slight_smile:

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Dear @Sulis

First, I want to acknowledge the weight of what you’ve shared. Learning an instrument—especially under pressure—can bring up so many complex emotions: frustration, guilt, doubt, and even grief for the joy that may have faded over time. You’ve carried this for years, and it’s clear you’ve been trying so hard to meet others’ expectations while silencing your own voice in the process. That’s incredibly tough.

It’s okay to feel conflicted. Music, at its core, should be an expression of passion, not just obligation. You’re not “ungrateful” for questioning this path—you’re self-aware. You’ve recognized that the cost (emotional, mental, even physical) of continuing might outweigh the rewards, and that’s a brave realization. Many people spend lifetimes ignoring that dissonance.

I hear your exhaustion—the pressure from your teacher, the lack of control over your environment, the guilt over not practicing “enough,” and the sinking feeling that this exam won’t even reflect your true skills. Perfectionism magnifies all of this; it tells you that unless every condition is ideal, your effort isn’t valid. But here’s what’s true: You are not a hypocrite. You’re a human being who’s been stretched thin, trying to fulfil a goal that no longer aligns with your heart.

You mentioned enjoying learning songs from YouTube—that’s a clue. It shows your love for piano hasn’t disappeared; it’s just been buried under exams, scales, and others’ expectations. That joy matters. It’s worth protecting.

If you’re considering quitting the exams (or even lessons), know this: It doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It might mean you’re choosing yourself—reclaiming music as yours, not a checkbox for someone else. But if you’re unsure, here’s a gentle invitation:

  1. Pause and reflect. Ask yourself: If no one else’s opinion mattered, what would I want?
  2. Explore alternatives. Could you take a break from exams and play purely for enjoyment? Or set your own goals (e.g., composing, learning songs you love)?
  3. Voice your needs. It’s okay to tell your teacher or family, “I need to rethink this. It’s not working for me right now.” Their reactions are theirs to manage—not yours.

You don’t owe anyone a lifetime of piano. You do owe yourself kindness. I’ve worked with many clients who pushed through burnout to please others, only to resent the thing they once loved. It’s okay to change course.

Lastly, your tears? They’re not weakness—they’re your body saying, “This is too much.” Listen to them. However you move forward, you’re allowed to prioritize your well-being.

You’re not alone in this. I’m holding space for you, wherever this journey leads.

P.S. If it helps, one client of mine quit piano exams at 16, didn’t touch the keys for years, and now plays jazz in cafes—for fun. Paths aren’t linear. Your worth isn’t tied to a grade.

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Hey OP,

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re facing this. It sounds like you’re facing a lot of pressure from many people, and nowhere to vent out your stress and worries.

I can’t say my experience is as stressful as yours, but I did choose to learn the keyboard/piano in middle school. I do love piano, and I still want to keep learning how to play it fluently. However, with juggling school assignments and having to practice songs the piano, I lagged behind on my piano skills. I also felt that I couldn’t really “play” the piano; I just learnt which buttons and keys to press. I remember crying because I just could not understand music theory and I kept asking how people just know how to play music.

I’ve been slacking on my piano playing but I’m slowly building my love for it. I managed to play one song that I love from Youtube, and I need to get back to learning another song. I think it comes down to wanting to learn instead of being forced to learn. Curiosity is mainly the driving point of what projects and things I do.

I’m not sure if I can advise on your problem as it sounds like you’ve brought up the issue several times to your parents and friends but got turned down. But I can assure you that you can always pick up the piano again if you decide to give up on it. Sometimes, taking a break is necessary; if you constantly push yourself too hard, you’ll only build up resentment for it.

I hope you can get through it, OP :heart:

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hi @Sulis ,

It sounds like you’ve been through a lot with your piano journey, and it’s completely understandable to feel frustrated and overwhelmed.

It is okay to question why you are pursuing something that does not bring you joy or fulfillment. Sometimes, we continue with activities out of obligation or pressure from others. It might be helpful to have an honest conversation with your family about your feelings and explore other paths that might align better with your interests and goals. You are certainly not ungrateful, so don’t be harsh on yourself.

Take care of yourself, and I hope you find a path that brings you peace and satisfaction.

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Hello, thank you for sharing here :heart_hands: Learning an instrument can be tough, and I too struggled with playing the ukulele and I think it is pretty admirable that you have came so far! :slight_smile: While I cannot speak for playing the piano, I believe that is okay to take breaks if practising the piano becomes too stressful. I am rooting for you!

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Hi I know it’s been a while but I really wanted to answer ur reply when I read it but I dragged it cause I was shy.. but I really admire your love for piano. I also want to tell you that there’s no “right” way to “play” piano, after all music is an expression of your passion, as long as you enjoy it, then any way you play will be right :slight_smile:
On the other hand, if you don’t quite agree with this, I just want to let you know, that in the piano ABRSM curriculum, the performance exam that I was going to take, is exactly what like what u say about “learning which buttons and keys to press”. It’s repetitive practising and muscle memory, like how you learn songs on youtube. And about how people just know how to play music? If that’s sightreading then that takes reaaally long to learn and a lot of practice, I know people who find it hard to learn too, myself included.. and that’s after 11 years of practice, so don’t look down on yourself too much, you’re pretty amazing to be able to learn songs yourself on youtube out of your own curiosity❤️

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I want to thank everyone, but your reply especially helped me to make a decision, and comforted me when my mom didn’t accept it. Because my syllabus would be outdated next year, I didn’t believe that I could take a break and still be able to take the exam in time. So I told my mom that I didn’t want to take the exam, she didn’t accept it and told me that she didn’t want to see me for the next month. Yeah so I went to my room to cry. The next day she told me, fine, but don’t regret it. My piano teacher felt that it was a very huge waste to not take the exam so for the last 3 lessons(I was supposed to inform her a month in advance if I wanted to stop lessons), she would help me to record and if it didn’t work after that, then I could stop like I wanted. To be honest, I don’t quite know what to feel about that, but I’ll work it out with the school counsellor. Thank you for your kind words❤️

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All the best! You will be in good hands with your counsellor… :slight_smile: