Rapid periods of ups and downs

Ask a Therapist Mental Health Conditions
1

I used to struggle with severe depression a few years back, and after working with it on a counsellor for a year I’ve managed to get the worst of it away, such as the constant depression.

However my experience have not left me unscarred, and it feels like my mind has been hotwired to automatically jump to depressive thoughts on regular occasions, despite not really following through on any.

However, there are certain times that usually last from hours to days where the full force of depression hits again and I feel extremely suicidal and came close a few times. This isn’t bipolar as while I do experience highs, the ups and downs don’t last more than 2 weeks but hours to rarely days usually. It doesn’t feel like cyclothymia either as the intensity of such depressive downturns are quite severe.

Is this something unique? Or is there a name or any way or advice to tackle this without fully approaching IMH or whatnot (due to the constant down and recovery nature, by the time I feel like I want to seek help the downturn is usually gone and my mind convince itself it’s not necessary) or is this just normal depression that is being hidden now

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Dear @user0736 , thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your struggles. I can imagine how difficult it must have been for you, that even after working on your depression and showing some progress, the suicidal thoughts still come back and haunt you.

Can we take a moment to acknowledge how brave you have been? You have sought help from mental health professionals, and you have been able to control your thoughts and diverting it to the positive, and most importantly, you have been able to not act on any of your suicidal thoughts. That is signs that you made an incredible progress in your road to heal from mental health problems! I am so incredibly proud of you, and i am sure all of us on this forum are.

In response to your question on whether having sudden and intense depressive episode is unique, I am not a professional, so i might not be able to give a clinical answer. However, I think we can see our thoughts and mental state like a wave. Sometimes, the wave and tides are stronger than another, and that is all normal. It is part of life, strong emotions come and it will definitely go. But, and here i emphasise, if you observe that the depressive thoughts are more regular and more intense, it might be a sign that you need to seek support, and seeking it quickly. I am wondering if you are still seeing your previous counsellor? He or she might be in a very good position to help you through this, because they already know your history. May i know if you have also reached out to anyone you can trust, be it your family, friend, a trusted mentor/teacher/relative and let them know about your circumstances? It might be helpful for them to be your second layer of support, and helping you through depressive episodes and keeping you grounded when you are unable to do so.

All the best, and we are here for you!

1 Like
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Hi @user0736, I just want to say how proud I am that you’ve made it through the worst of the depression. It is not easy, and I’m so glad that you’re here with us today to share your current experiences with us.

It’s true that the recovery is not so straightforward. There may be lingering effects, like the episodes of intense lows you’re mentioning. Recovery is not linear, and there may be points of ups and downs. It sounds like the lows for you are brief, yet very intense and can be very distressing.

Every person’s experience of their symptoms is unique. Personally, I have met others who have had bouts of very brief but intense suicidal moments in their recovery stages. You’re definitely not alone in this experience, and it is scary to experience such intensely low moments, even though they are brief.

But what I’d share is that you don’t need to be at your worst (such as at the point of being in high distress) to seek help. Having a name for it may make it feel more valid or easier to explain, but it’s also not necessary. As long as you feel like it’s affecting you and something you want support in, that’s more than enough. Good mental health professionals will work with you wherever you are on your recovery journey and understand what you’re going through, even if you’re not in distress at that very moment or if you don’t have a name for it.

IMH or polyclinics can be an option. Alternatively, there are many options for counselling out there that are available too. I hear that you want to tackle it, and I’m hoping you get to as well. Let us know if you need more direction on where to find useful resources

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Dear @user0736

Thank you for writing in and sharing your experiences with us.

Please know that what you have shared of having rapid periods of ups and downs is fairly common in those among us who have undergone depression in the past and recovered.

I believe that after going through a bout of depression, the brain can stay “sensitive,” making it easier to fall back into old thought patterns. I have observed that it is common for some of us to get short, intense relapses (hours to days), not always the 2+ weeks usually described in depression. Once the low period passes, our mind usually tells us “maybe it wasn’t real”, but that’s a common part of depression. It is also fully understandable and relatable to feel suicidal even after short episodes.

May I suggest for you to consider the following:

-Track your mood. Note triggers, for example sleep patterns, levels of stress, and thoughts that contribute to these mood changes in an effort to know when you are more vulnerable.

-Have a safety plan ready. Write down what to do when a wave hits, such as who to call, grounding activities, safe places. Work this out with your counsellor and have this plan ready.

-Remind yourself the waves of sadness will pass. Keep a note that says “I’ve been through this before, and it lifted” to read during low periods.

-Use tools you have already learnt when working with your counsellor on how to detect and ride out the low periods. For example, practise Mindfulness and relapse-prevention methods such as tracking and challenging automatic negative thoughts. I believe these can reduce future dips.

-Don’t wait for crisis. Even if episodes are short, seek support from your counsellor and this can make them less dangerous.

-Be kind to yourself. This isn’t fake or just sadness but it’s a known pattern of recurrent depression. The risk is not how long it lasts, but how intense it gets (especially with suicidal thoughts).

As you work on overcoming these low periods, do gather strength from your past achievement of recovering from depression. Tap on that reservoir of hard work and determination you have painstakingly built.

Do continue reaching out here for support and know that you are not alone. Please know that your life and you are immensely precious! Stay safe and endeavour to prevent relapses through proactive measures we have shared here. :yellow_heart:

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Hi @user0736,

Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal. What you’re describing - the lingering imprint of depression and the sudden, intense downturns - is not uncommon among those who’ve fought hard to recover. It’s like your mind has developed reflexes that still echo the old pain, even when you’ve made progress. These episodes may not fit neatly into diagnostic boxes, but they’re real, and they deserve attention. You’ve shown incredible strength in working through the worst of it, and it’s okay to acknowledge that healing isn’t always linear. The fact that you’re reflecting on this with such clarity already shows how self-aware and resilient you are.

That said, because you’ve mentioned experiencing suicidal thoughts and coming close a few times, I want to gently but firmly encourage you to seek professional mental health support - and to consider doing so with some urgency. Even if the downturns pass quickly, their intensity matters.

With regards to your concerns about IMH, I’d like to assure you that the mental health landscape in Singapore has improved tremendously over the years. IMH (despite the stigma it has faced in the past) remains a reputable and comprehensive hospital for psychiatric services in Singapore. You deserve care that meets you where you are, not just when things feel manageable. If it helps, you don’t have to wait until you’re in crisis to reach out -sometimes the best time to seek support is when you’re just starting to feel the ground shift. You’re not alone in this, and your well-being is worth prioritising.

If you are wondering about the types of professional resources available, here are some options:

  • A Community Outreach Team (CREST) can help identify your needs, support your emotional well-being, and link you to other services. This service is available free-of-charge.

  • A Community Intervention Team (COMIT) has qualified mental health professionals who can provide counselling, case management and caregiver support. This service is available free-of-charge.

  • A General Practitioner (GP) clinic or Polyclinic can provide medical support, or refer you to specialist outpatient clinics in IMH and other public hospitals. This service is offered with government subsidies such as CHAS and Medisave.

  • National Mindline is a mental health helpline which is available 24/7. You may call them at 1771 or WhatsApp them at 6669 1771.

You may find these resources through the Service Wayfinder: mindline.sg | Free Mental Health Resources & Mindfulness Tools in Singapore

Best regards,
HanSolo2000
Befriender | let’s talk by mindline

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hi @user0736 !

thank you for sharing this with us, it must not have been easy! having thoughts like this jump at you and having suicidal thoughts is distressing and scary, and you’re really brave for continuing to fight and try to find ways to feel better!

it must be confusing not to understand what’s going on, and its not easy to seek help. if going to IMH is scary, polyclinics and even certain GPs are an option! if you’re still seeing your counsellor, you can ask them for advice on where to go too seeing they know you well :slight_smile:

take care! you have been really strong through these difficult experiences and i hope things turn for the better… if you ever need support, we are all here for you :slight_smile: