Receiving rejections

Ask a Therapist Seeking Help
1

Hello,

I am writing this because I am anxious about a reference check for an upcoming job interview. I realise alot of interviews ask about reference check however I am not willing to provide as I did not perform well in my previous job due to alot of reasons such as poor mentality and mental health and I am afraid this may reduce my chances of getting my dream job or even getting a job later… But ik reference check is a requirement and is a way to gauge my performance as well which gives me anxiety thinking about it and i am afraid most job rejected me cuz of reference check ( i leave it blank) or when they did the reference check, they found out about my past and rejected me… And people change as well, but what if employers do not take this into consideration? Tbh I am also afraid my poor past behaviour in my previous job may also happen in future job as i lost a lot of confidence in myself…would really be helpful if i can heed advice and enlightenment thank you!

2

hmmm gets where your concerns lie, and they are really valid concerns too!!
how i came to think about job finding is that there can be equal power and control from both employers and employees. youre choosing your employer as much as they are choosing you. you may have aspects that are less ideal but believing you also have good qualities that makes you unique and valuable, actively finding them and practice how you share those good qualities you feel for for yourself, those are yours to own. combining both good and not so good qualities, you are valuable in your own way. starting there will then feel like half the battle won yk, so its about you finding the right fit for you as much as the company finds you as a good fit for them~
a company who rejects you because of your alleged poor past behaviour alone is also not a company you want, so it works out well! youre in control here okie!!!
first embrace yourself for who you are, and other things can follow suit!!
:people_hugging:
on practical notes, you can choose supporters of you as your reference check (for example a senior colleague/teacher/mentor etc), does not necessarily have to be your immediate manager in the previous employment even if its the norm usually. at least thats how i see it hehe.

3

Hi @anonymous361,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. It’s completely understandable to feel anxious about the reference check process, especially when your past job performance wasn’t what you hoped it would be. I want to acknowledge the courage it takes to reach out and seek advice on this matter.

Firstly, it’s important to recognize that people do change and grow, and past behavior doesn’t have to dictate your future. Your awareness of past mistakes and your desire to improve are significant strengths. Although we cannot control what employers will do and if they will consider other factors, it very clear that you wish to seek improvements, as this is who are you presently and you want to make a difference for the future.

Here are a few suggestions that might help you navigate this situation:

  1. Acknowledge Your Growth:

    • Understand that acknowledging your past and wanting to improve is a crucial first step. Employers value honesty and self-awareness, and being able to articulate how you have grown from past experiences can be a powerful tool.

  2. Seek Alternative References:

    • If you feel that your previous job references may not reflect your true potential, consider seeking references from other sources. This could include colleagues, mentors, or supervisors from volunteer work, internships, or any other professional engagements.

  3. Prepare a Positive Narrative:

    • When discussing your past job performance, focus on what you have learned and how you have grown. Highlight the steps you have taken to address past issues and how you plan to apply these lessons in your future roles.

  4. Professional Development:

    • Engage in professional development activities that can boost your confidence and demonstrate your commitment to improvement. This could include taking courses, obtaining certifications, or participating in workshops related to your field.

  5. Mental Health Support:

    • It’s important to continue addressing your mental health. Seeking support from a mental health professional can provide you with strategies to manage anxiety and build confidence.

  6. Honesty and Transparency:

    • Be honest with potential employers about your past challenges but frame them in a way that shows your growth and commitment to improvement. This honesty can build trust and show that you are proactive in addressing issues.

  7. Networking:

    • Leverage your network to find opportunities where your skills and potential are recognized. Networking can sometimes lead to opportunities that bypass traditional reference checks.

It’s completely normal to feel anxious about this process, but remember that each step you take towards addressing your concerns is a step towards building a more confident and resilient future. You’ve already shown a lot of strength by seeking advice and acknowledging your challenges. Let me know how you feel now? I want you to know that you’re not alone in this journey, take care.