Self Doubt

Dear Therapists,
I have been sad,guilty,insecured,unloved throughout my entire life since i can ever remember. Almost everynight I cried secretly alone. But it is not like depressed sad. I can function well in day times and feel happy when supposed to be happy. I did tried to kill myself twice at 13 and 18 years old. And i also have PMDD. Now i am 30. I have been sad all the time everyday for 8 months. I am about to burst out the tears all the time. I have 4-5 mental breakdowns a day. I only slept 3-4 hours a day. I don’t want to work at my work and i just lazy around and i missed a lot of work deadline. I used to be so good at work before. I also got trichotillomania and i pulled out all my hair in 3 months. I had very long and thick hair but now i am bald. I have suicidal thoughts too. But i am 100% sure i won’t do it. I went to consult with Psychiatrist for my trichotillomania. I told him my current situation but didn’t tell him about my childhood and suicide attempts. He prescribed me with Lexapro and Clonazepam. After taking lexapro for a week, i feel less sad and my mental breakdown decreased to 1-2 times a day. I feel like i was faking it because i felt better only one week after lexapro. Normally people say it takes 4-8 weeka for them to better. Did i do the right decision to go to Psychiatrist? And shall i tell my paychiatrist about my childhood and previous suicide attempts at my next visit? Thank you.


Hi @Pink

First of all, thank you for sharing with us your struggles. It takes a lot of courage to be so authentic with us, and I commend you for your bravery.

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re experiencing such overwhelming emotions. It’s good to hear that you sought help from a psychiatrist, and it’s important to be open and honest with them about your history, including your childhood experiences and previous suicide attempts. This information can provide very helpful insights into your current emotional state and help your psychiatrist tailor the most effective treatment plan for you.

The fact that you’ve noticed some improvement in your mood after starting Lexapro is a positive sign. It is normal for individuals to experience some changes early on in treatment, and everyone responds differently. However, I feel that it is important to communicate any concerns or doubts with your psychiatrist during your next visit, so that they can provide guidance and make adjustments to your treatment plan if needed.

In the meantime, I hope that you will continue to reach out for support, because while medication can be beneficial, combining it with therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), can provide extra comprehensive support. Therapy can help you explore and address underlying issues, develop coping strategies, and work towards long-term emotional well-being. It would be good for you to speak to your psychiatrist about receiving extra emotional support to work on those underlying issues and to help you cope better.

I want you to know that seeking help is a big step towards healing, and you deserve support and understanding. If you ever find yourself in crisis or having suicidal thoughts, please reach out to a mental health professional, a helpline, or someone you trust. Please do keep these numbers and contact them in case of emergency or in case you find yourself in crisis:

Last but not least, please do share with us your progress on speaking with your doctor and how that has been for you. Remember, you’re not alone, and we are here to support you on your journey.


Thank you so much for your reply. Today is my 2nd visit to my Psychiatrist and told my current conditions and history. At my first visit, i was so miserable and told him all my problems and symptons. And my husband was one of the problems. But after i took Lexapro for 10 days, my sadness is lesser and lesser and my mood became more stable although i am still sad. But not like so sad to the point of wanting to unalive myself. As my mood becomes more stable and my husband accepted that mental health problems do exit at the same time, our relationship became back to good like before. At first he didn’t understand my mental health was so back and he just thought i am spoiled or whinny or ungreatful or just being negative for nothing. But this time he said he wanted to accompany me to my visit to psychiatriat if i am comfortable. So i brought him together today as well. I am not sure what will my paychiatrist think about it though.


Hi @Pink

I truly appreciate you sharing your journey with me, and I’m glad to hear that there have been positive shifts in your mood and relationship dynamics. It’s a wonderful step that your husband is not only acknowledging but also supporting you in seeking professional help. Recognizing and understanding mental health challenges can be a transformative process for both individuals and relationships, and I am encouraged by your sharing.

Your psychiatrist is there to support you and help you with your mental health journey. Sharing your experiences, including the positive changes and your husband’s newfound understanding, can provide valuable insights for your treatment plan. It’s commendable that you’ve taken steps toward building a supportive environment around you :slight_smile:

If you have any concerns or questions about discussing this with your psychiatrist, feel free to express them. Remember, your mental health journey is unique, and having open communication with your healthcare team is vital. I’m here to support you through these positive changes, and I applaud your resilience.

How are you feeling about the prospect of your husband accompanying you to future appointments? Is there anything specific you would like to discuss or explore further in your mental health journey?

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