Since birth, I’ve never really got along with my mother. I was a late born child so my parents are now in their 60s. Sometimes I felt that maybe the generational gap has something to do with it. BUT my dad is a really nice person and forgiving.
My mother on the other hand would always say hurtful things like calling me mean or a sl*t. She has also tried to ruin me and my sister’s relationship when I was younger. She kept saying I was jealous of my sister which I wasn’t. Sometimes I feel that maybe because I was an accident child, she didnt really bother much about me. She doesn’t even know anything about me despite living in the same roof. She doesn’t know my favourite foods and always judges my hobbies. Back then, I voiced out about how she managed to remember all of my sister’s events but not mine and she instantly pin pointed that I was jealous of my sister. She’s a housewife so I understand how it could be tough for her but she keeps using that against me. Whenever we fought, she will threaten us by saying she wouldn’t care about the house anymore (I can cook and clean too btw)
oh and now since I have been earning salaries, I always buy stuff for her and she’s always complaining. Whenever I came back from a trip, she will complain that I didnt buy her favourite stuff. But if I don’t buy, she will say I don’t think of her this and that. Mind you, she claims she’s a devoted Buddhist and she’s grateful. BUT all she does with me is complain and always making me feel like I’m the problem for not making her happy. She’s super narcissistic because she would always feel that everything she does is correct and others are wrong. She kept saying mean stuff to us but we can’t say anything mean to her. Every time I tried to address the issue to her, she will push it away saying I overthink or I’m the problem this happened.
I just feel really stuffy at this household. My dad says maybe it’s Generational gap but I don’t think calling people a sl*t or ruining people’s relationships with others is a generational thing. It happens all the time in society regardless of age. My sister has moved out since I was very young. She has also felt that our mother is always playing the victim.
Since I am 22, I am DESPERATE to move out of the house because of her. I sometimes feel bad that my dad has to stand all these bs from her but I told myself that that’s the woman he chose to marry and I should be a little more selfish. I heard somewhere that we should be patient when dealing with parents like this. BUT I just feel like maybe I should stop trying with her and just distant myself emotionally from her? There were a lot of times I had to go to therapy because of her. All I want for her is to admit that sometimes she could be in the wrong too BUT it seems impossible for that to happen
Hi @user1394,
I’m really sorry to hear about the challenges you’ve been facing. It sounds incredibly tough to deal with such a complex relationship, especially with someone so close to you. It’s clear you’ve put a lot of thought and effort into trying to understand and navigate this situation.
Your feelings and experiences are valid. It’s okay to want space for your own well-being. Emotional distance can sometimes be a necessary step to protect yourself, especially when other avenues haven’t worked. It’s also understandable to want recognition and validation from your mom, but it’s important to prioritize your mental health and peace.
You’re not alone in feeling that generational gaps don’t justify hurtful behavior. Setting boundaries and taking care of yourself is not selfish—it’s essential. You deserve to feel safe and respected.
I hope you find the support you need and remember it’s okay to take the steps that are best for your mental and emotional health. Do you have any specific goals or plans for moving out? Sometimes having a concrete plan can bring a sense of relief and control over the situation.
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Thank you for your reply! I’ve been saving up to study abroad currently cause I don’t plan on staying here.
Really sorry that u are gg thru this… But its nice ur dad is alright. My old man is the one being high conflict, in 70s
Have u read abt emo immature adults? They are v egoistical sorts
Hello @user1394 
!
It must been really tough for you to go through this.
You clearly have a lot of work ahead of you trying to make things work with your mother, and it is terrible when that effort goes unreported or unappreciated. You have suffered so much; none of it is your fault. Feeling upset and offended is normal given what you have gone through.
For feeling the way you do or for seeking some space to protect yourself, you are not a terrible person. Feeling invisible and underappreciated is difficult, particularly for someone who should love and encourage you without conditions. Seeking tranquilly in your life also is not selfish; you deserve that so much.
One is free to be conflicted about all of this. You are juggling old wounds and attempting to negotiate something rather challenging. Simply said, you are not alone and your emotions are legitimate. You are strong for keeping on with your care despite much difficulty and for clinging to hope in front of everything. That strength tells volumes about you. Enough said; you are trying your best in a very demanding circumstance. You just are sufficient.
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No… I’m always used to thinking that the younger ones have “a lot to learn” and I feel arguing with the stubborn older ones isnt really worth it TT
Thank you for this! Usually I overthink here and there too which makes it difficult to associate reality and expectations TvTemphasized text
Oh ok. Aren’t you young person? what ages u define as young? XD
Uhh as in a younger person should never fight with an elderly over stuff cause seemingly we have lesser experience than them
@user1394 Oh sorry i din get notified of yr reply. Hm thats not true, ive seen many greys not at all wiser with age.
But yea they wun change, little point to argue. Tho if u know u aren wrong then affirm it within 
, dun allow such naysayers to corrode yr confidence. When i was younger/ insecure most ppl critic that introversion somet i shld change. But theyre wrong
U said u saving up to study abroad? Like where? Thats brave
hi @user1394 ! I know how it feels to always be the one having our emotional needs being compromised. Your mother’s employment status has a crucial role to play on your emotional health. I’m under a similar kind of a situation, where everyone in my house play’s victim all the time. Trust me, I too want to move out.
Firstly, you have been patient for a good amount of time. It’s so normal for you to want to stop giving in. You are not wrong or selfish to protect your sanity. For me I’ve been having to accept defeat for all of my parents’ miscalculations. Yup, their miscalculations. The best part is that, they blame me for what ever decisions they made which went wrong. Lack of a sense of responsibility. the best part is that all my extended family are on my parents’ side, whereas I am alone.
In this kind of situation, where your mother tries to deviate from the main topic, it seems like she’s just trying to manipulate you to accept defeat, make you powerless in front of others. Am I right?
Since you feel she is a narcissist don’t feel bad to tell her that she is wrong in certain circumstances. Narcissists can’t see the harm that they have caused on others. My gran is a narcissist, and my household is a perfect place to “breed” them.
I feel narcissists just want to gain power over others. So, they try to control people who seem inferior to them by confusing them to the ultimate. They have problems admitting they are wrong, so don’t even try that at least to protect yourself.
I personally feel, that You shld move out, if possible. Meanwhile, try to take part in activities that reduce your vulnerability to your mother’s opinion.
I would recommend you to listen to Brenè Brown’s book called “braving the wilderness”, where the author herself has gone through similar situations. It was so powerful that tears started to pour out after realising how vulnerable I have been. If you are interested, you can try to find it online. Ps. it’s available in NLB and on libby.
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