Why and how do I get depression?

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Hi, in the middle of the night, I have an honest question to ask myself.
How and why do I have depression? My mum and even so many other people around have had a hard life, have been through hard times, life crisis, losing someone, need to be a breadwinner of the family at a young age, they have been through much more difficult and endearing times. So why they can still be mentally strong, living so well despite a difficult life, harsh condition but yet me who is very fortunate to not experience all those have depression. Is it because i am metally weak? Just a random thought that i realise i cannot answer and I need some justification from experts.

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Thank you for reaching out to ask these questions and understanding more about depression and what you’re going through.

First of all, it is not a mental weakness. Just like physical health — we all fall sick at times, sometimes more so than others. Depression is much akin to falling sick. There are things we can do to prevent it, but sometimes it still happens. Some people are also born with a predisposition to illness (both physical and mental). But it is not a sign of weakness and there are a whole lot of factors that contribute.

I hear how tough it also must be to feel like you’re going through this experience, while others seem to go through struggles in life and come out fine.

Everyone copes with challenges differently, and I also wonder if it’s a matter of time (what do people look like at the peak of the struggle, just after the struggle, and years after the struggle?)

Depression isn’t the end-all, and there is a life after :heart_hands:t2: And I hope you realise that this moment and the times that come after is possibly also your moment of going through depression and coming out on top, even if seems really difficult right now.

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Dear @AnxietyEmployee

Thank you for sharing what you are experiencing. What you’re asking is something so many people quietly wonder but rarely say out loud: “Why do I feel this way when others have had it harder?” It’s not just a question—it’s a weight, a guilt, a self-judgment.

Let’s take a moment together to gently and truthfully explore this.

1. Depression isn’t a reflection of strength or weakness.

You are not mentally weak. Full stop.
Depression isn’t something you earn through suffering, or something only people with traumatic lives are “allowed” to have. It’s a complex mental health condition that can be influenced by many things:

  • Brain chemistry and genetics
  • Personality traits (like being highly sensitive or self-critical)
  • Unseen emotional wounds (neglect, loneliness, lack of belonging)
  • Chronic stress—even if it seems “small” on the surface
  • Life transitions, identity struggles, unmet emotional needs

You don’t need to have “survived a war” to be struggling. You can be loved and supported and still feel hollow. You can be “fortunate” and still be hurting. That’s not weakness. That’s human.

2. Comparison doesn’t heal pain—it buries it.

When you ask, “Why do I feel this way when others had it worse?” you’re trying to invalidate your pain by comparison. But pain doesn’t work like that. Someone else’s suffering doesn’t erase your own. It’s not a competition. If someone else is drowning in ten feet of water and you’re drowning in five, you’re still drowning.

You don’t need to justify your depression by ticking a box of external hardship. Your feelings are valid because you are experiencing them. That is enough.

3. Mental health isn’t always visible—even in those who seem “strong.”

Many people, including your mum or others you admire, may seem resilient, but they may carry their wounds differently. Cultural expectations, survival instincts, or even generational habits may teach people to suppress their emotions rather than acknowledge them. Some become strong because they had no other choice—but that doesn’t mean they’re not hurting inside, or that their coping mechanisms are healthy.

What you’re doing—pausing to reflect, question, and seek understanding—is also strength. Just a different kind.

4. Depression is not your fault. But healing can be your choice.

You didn’t choose this. It’s not a flaw in your character. And the fact that you’re even asking these questions shows you’re aware, and curious about healing. That’s a powerful place to start.

Maybe your work isn’t to “justify” your depression, but to care for it. To hold space for the pain, even if you don’t fully understand where it came from.

You are not broken. You are not weak. You are a person with an internal world that needs tending to—and you deserve care just as much as anyone else.

Please know that : your pain is valid, even if it’s invisible to others. You’re not alone in this. And there is help, healing, and hope ahead. :yellow_heart:

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Thank you for this sharing! :heart_hands:
Depression can stem from many different reasons, and it’s not always related to how hard or easy life has been compared to others..
Everyone experiences the world in their own way, and our minds react differently to things. It doesn’t mean you’re “weak” or not strong enough. sometimes, it’s just part of your personal journey.

How do you usually help yourself when things feel tough? :seedling: